Below are words altered by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter to supply a new definition.
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realise it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon(n):The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
And the following are alternate meanings for common words.
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absent mindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive flavoured mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
1. When I was born, I was given a choice - a big pecker or a good memory.... I don't remember what I chose. 2 Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. 3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects. 4. Impotence: nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings..." 5. There are only two four letter words that are offensives to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together. 6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth. 7. There are three stages in a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly. 8. Virginity can be cured. 9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity. 10. Having sex is like playing bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand. 11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dial were too small. 12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy. 13. Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Answer: Breasts don't have eyes. 14. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!
Lots of towns have initials that are also abbreviations, take East Grinstead for example.
Or, in an emergency, Southend-on-Sea.
Southend is a city
So are you suggesting my contribution was Budleigh Salterton and therefore Newton Abbot? If so, I'll be feeling stressed and I might have to see my Garmisch-Partenkirchen.
A man is walking along the street when he sees a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do he climbed the ladder. He reaches a cloud, upon which sits a rather plump and very ugly woman.
”Screw me or climb the ladder to success” she says.
No contest, thought the man, so he climbs the ladder to the next cloud. On this cloud is a slightly thinner woman who is easier on the eye.
”Screw me hard or climb the ladder to success” she says.
“Well’ thinks the man, ‘might as well carry on”
On the next cloud is another woman, who this time is quite attractive.
”Screw me now or climb the ladder to success” she utters. As he turns her down and goes on up the ladder, the man thinks to himself that this getting better the further he goes. On the next cloud is an absolute beauty. Slim, attractive, the lot.
”Screw me here and now or climb the ladder to success” she flirts.
Unable to imagine what could be waiting, and being a gambling man, he decides to climb again. When he reaches the next cloud, there is a huge, ugly man.
Comments
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realise it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon(n):The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
And the following are alternate meanings for common words.
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absent mindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive flavoured mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
He was the worst mechanic in the entire Luftwaffe
We've won four trophies in the last twenty four years
Didnt say anything about them being major trophies.
”Well’ says the vet “let’s have a look”
So he picks the dog up by the ears and has a good look at its eyes.
”I’m going to have to put him down” says the vet.
”Just because he’s cross-eyed? asks the man
”No, because he’s heavy” says the vet.
I don't remember what I chose.
2 Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence: nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings..."
5. There are only two four letter words that are offensives to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.
6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages in a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dial were too small.
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Answer: Breasts don't have eyes.
14. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!
If so, I'll be feeling stressed and I might have to see my Garmisch-Partenkirchen.
”Screw me or climb the ladder to success” she says.
No contest, thought the man, so he climbs the ladder to the next cloud. On this cloud is a slightly thinner woman who is easier on the eye.
”Screw me hard or climb the ladder to success” she says.
“Well’ thinks the man, ‘might as well carry on”
On the next cloud is another woman, who this time is quite attractive.
”Screw me now or climb the ladder to success” she utters. As he turns her down and goes on up the ladder, the man thinks to himself that this getting better the further he goes. On the next cloud is an absolute beauty. Slim, attractive, the lot.
”Screw me here and now or climb the ladder to success” she flirts.
Unable to imagine what could be waiting, and being a gambling man, he decides to climb again. When he reaches the next cloud, there is a huge, ugly man.
”Hello’ says the ugly, fat man, ‘I’m Cess!”