It's no wonder people struggle learning foreign languages. See how difficult latin is with this handy example: ’Pro Bono’ means ‘for the public good’. ’Bono’ means ‘sanctimonious tax-dodging bellend’.
A duck and a drake decide to have a dirty weekend in Brighton. They have a romantic dinner, walk along the pier and then go back to the hotel to take things to the next level. In unpacking, however, the duck confesses that she had forgotten any form of contraception. “No problem”, quacks the drake. “I’ll ring for room service”. Which he does. The attendant duly knocks on the door of their suite, proffering a tray. “Your condom, Sir”, says the bellhop. “Shall I put it on your bill?”
A duck and a drake decide to have a dirty weekend in Brighton. They have a romantic dinner, walk along the pier and then go back to the hotel to take things to the next level. In unpacking, however, the duck confesses that she had forgotten any form of contraception. “No problem”, quacks the drake. “I’ll ring for room service”. Which he does. The attendant duly knocks on the door of their suite, proffering a tray. “Your condom, Sir”, says the bellhop. “Shall I put it on your bill?”
Surely you're missing the punchline? "No, what kind of pervert do you think I am?"
In a church near Tottenham on Sunday morning a preacher said,"Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."
With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."
The preacher put one of his fingers in Leroy's ear, and then he took his other hand and placed it on top of Leroy's head; and then he prayed and prayed and eventually the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"
Leroy answered, "I don't know. It isn’t 'til Thursday."
In a church near Tottenham on Sunday morning a preacher said,"Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."
With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."
The preacher put one of his fingers in Leroy's ear, and then he took his other hand and placed it on top of Leroy's head; and then he prayed and prayed and eventually the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"
Leroy answered, "I don't know. It isn’t 'til Thursday."
I was in a pub last Friday at lunchtime (with the lads), and heard three extremely overweight girls talking at the bar. Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked, "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?"
One of them screeched, "It's WALES, you bloody idiot!"
So I apologized and replied, "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland?"
Comments
"Hi Guys, I'm in Australia with the girlfriend and she's been stung on the minge by a hornet, and now her fanny has completely closed up"
"Bummer Mate..."
"Thanks Guys, that's what I thought too. Bye..."
You swerve to miss a tree and realise it's your air-freshener.
None, it's all tongue and groove.
’Pro Bono’ means ‘for the public good’. ’Bono’ means ‘sanctimonious tax-dodging bellend’.
I fought Jude Law and Jude Law won
Alcohol gives you 1 in 5.
...they'd both be f*cked without Bale
Mary, I am having one more pint with the lads. If I'm not home in 20 mins read this text again
; )
With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked,
"Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."
The preacher put one of his fingers in Leroy's ear, and then he took his other hand and placed it on top of Leroy's head; and then he prayed and prayed and eventually the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"
Leroy answered, "I don't know. It isn’t 'til Thursday."
My driving must have been awesome because they really liked it.
One of them screeched, "It's WALES, you bloody idiot!"
So I apologized and replied, "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland?"
And...that's the last thing I remember...