Oh. The fact my life has got boring enough to transcribe spam phone calls on to CharltonLife and rant like Victor Meldrew.
Im only mid twenties FFS.
The next one you get say 'yeh that's right, suffered a really nasty injury........my head was severed off' and see if they carry on with their script, if they do say ''you're not listening to me are you I said my head was severed off'.
The phone will be put down if not on the first but for sure on the second occasion .
I'm taking an old banger away for the weekend and whilst I'll be going down with her, she's not that tight and there's a very good chance of showers, to the point of flooding.
It also looks like I won't be admitted to the "special entrance" either.
I'm taking an old banger away for the weekend and whilst I'll be going down with her, she's not that tight and there's a very good chance of showers, to the point of flooding.
It also looks like I won't be admitted to the "special entrance" either.
I'm taking an old banger away for the weekend and whilst I'll be going down with her, she's not that tight and there's a very good chance of showers, to the point of flooding.
It also looks like I won't be admitted to the "special entrance" either.
I'm taking an old banger away for the weekend and whilst I'll be going down with her, she's not that tight and there's a very good chance of showers, to the point of flooding.
It also looks like I won't be admitted to the "special entrance" either.
People's inability to get off escalators. What is it about them that is so difficult? You can always tell the type. They leave it till the last second to make that final step. That final step is always some pathetic hop which means every single f***** like me behind has to do their best not to go into the back of them like some sort of motorway up
If you're scared of them, nervous or just don't know how to use them, take the bloody stairs. Rush hour tube isn't for you.
If there are no staircases then tough, get a bus or walk
The spiders that think it's funny to spin webs across my backdoor so when I walk out I get a face full. Little arachnid bastards.
I bet there's a few inmates that would like to spin a web across your backdoor.
And give you a face full for that matter.
You jest but it's a bit true. I once had an inmate tell me he'd been dreaming about me and knowing the heinous deviant he was it wasn't about me and him skipping hand in hand through a summer meadow.
The spiders that think it's funny to spin webs across my backdoor so when I walk out I get a face full. Little arachnid bastards.
I bet there's a few inmates that would like to spin a web across your backdoor.
And give you a face full for that matter.
You jest but it's a bit true. I once had an inmate tell me he'd been dreaming about me and knowing the heinous deviant he was it wasn't about me and him skipping hand in hand through a summer meadow.
All jokes apart, you must come across some people that make your skin crawl.
The spiders that think it's funny to spin webs across my backdoor so when I walk out I get a face full. Little arachnid bastards.
I bet there's a few inmates that would like to spin a web across your backdoor.
And give you a face full for that matter.
You jest but it's a bit true. I once had an inmate tell me he'd been dreaming about me and knowing the heinous deviant he was it wasn't about me and him skipping hand in hand through a summer meadow.
All jokes apart, you must come across some people that make your skin crawl.
Without a doubt but it's maybe concerning that I'm not as shocked/affected as I used to be. I have met some truly horrible individuals who have committed crimes that you just can't comprehend and who definitely exude wrongness. There have been a few who have given me the creeps but what's harder to get your head around is that most come across as quite normal. It's only when you learn of their crimes do you think 'holy shit, they're a proper deviant'.
The spiders that think it's funny to spin webs across my backdoor so when I walk out I get a face full. Little arachnid bastards.
I bet there's a few inmates that would like to spin a web across your backdoor.
And give you a face full for that matter.
You jest but it's a bit true. I once had an inmate tell me he'd been dreaming about me and knowing the heinous deviant he was it wasn't about me and him skipping hand in hand through a summer meadow.
All jokes apart, you must come across some people that make your skin crawl.
Without a doubt but it's maybe concerning that I'm not as shocked/affected as I used to be. I have met some truly horrible individuals who have committed crimes that you just can't comprehend and who definitely exude wrongness. There have been a few who have given me the creeps but what's harder to get your head around is that most come across as quite normal. It's only when you learn of their crimes do you think 'holy shit, they're a proper deviant'.
How many though do you think are actually decent but did something reckless that they really shouldn't have done? And knew better, the twats?
The spiders that think it's funny to spin webs across my backdoor so when I walk out I get a face full. Little arachnid bastards.
I bet there's a few inmates that would like to spin a web across your backdoor.
And give you a face full for that matter.
You jest but it's a bit true. I once had an inmate tell me he'd been dreaming about me and knowing the heinous deviant he was it wasn't about me and him skipping hand in hand through a summer meadow.
All jokes apart, you must come across some people that make your skin crawl.
Without a doubt but it's maybe concerning that I'm not as shocked/affected as I used to be. I have met some truly horrible individuals who have committed crimes that you just can't comprehend and who definitely exude wrongness. There have been a few who have given me the creeps but what's harder to get your head around is that most come across as quite normal. It's only when you learn of their crimes do you think 'holy shit, they're a proper deviant'.
How many though do you think are actually decent but did something reckless that they really shouldn't have done? And knew better, the twats?
It's slightly different for me as I work in High Security so most of our guests are hardcore criminals and/or sexual deviants. Roughly half the prisoners have some sort of personality disorder. I don't meet many who make the stupid mistake of driving after a couple of pints who've gone on to kill someone in a crash. The vast majority I have met have consciously made the decision to commit the crimes they did. Having said that and as strange as it sounds I have met a few prisoners who I have genuinely liked and enjoyed a camaraderie with. There have been lads who have otherwise led clean lives who in a moments loss of control have taken someones life who are genuinely remorseful who I will support because I see them and think 'you never know what if'. Despite their crimes I try not to judge and for those who want to change their ways (ie ex gang members who don't want to return to that lifestyle) I will go all out to support. I wish I could say that was the majority of prisoners I meet but alas it's too late for a lot of them and although, maybe surprisingly, I don't support the death penalty it wouldn't bother me if some of them were 'disappeared'.
Female Razors, especially the type that stick on to the wall of the shower.
Where do I begin?
Is it the fact that, as a man, you're quite comfortable shaving with something that has the girth of a pencil - whilst women seemingly need some heavy duty contraption that's the size of a mid-90s Nokia mobile phone? Possibly.
Is it the fact that having a female razor stuck to the wall of your shower merely acts as a daily reminder that the illusion of your missus being any different from Chewbacca is simply down to the fact Chewbacca never discovered Gilette? Possibly.
Is it the fact that the suction cup that holds it on to the shower wall was quite clearly designed to support no more weight than a gnat, and inevitably the razor will end up in pieces on the shower floor at least once per shower? Possibly.
Or is it the fact that when trying to reassemble the razor, your fingers end up covered in some silky shaving-oil type shit, that makes the process of re-attaching the head 10 times more difficult? Possibly.
That is hilarious. He's some diehard Labour/Corbyn cretin, I imagine his hate for Charlton must stem entirely from the fact the Valley Party split the Labour vote when we were saving our ground. He sounds like a bloke who has more arse holes than he has nostrils.
That is hilarious. He's some dishard Labour/Corbyn cretin, I imagine his hate for Charlton must stem entirely from the fact the Valley Party split the Labour vote when we were saving our ground. He sounds like a bloke who has more arse holes than he has nostrils.
Apparently we're called trainspotters because we're "small time" with a "middle-class support base".. wtf?
Comments
The phone will be put down if not on the first but for sure on the second occasion
Cunnilingus
Tightness
Hotel
You need to re post or its a flag
I'm taking an old banger away for the weekend and whilst I'll be going down with her, she's not that tight and there's a very good chance of showers, to the point of flooding.
It also looks like I won't be admitted to the "special entrance" either.
Better?
If you're scared of them, nervous or just don't know how to use them, take the bloody stairs. Rush hour tube isn't for you.
If there are no staircases then tough, get a bus or walk
Every two weeks for the last 2 years they send A4 size literature.
Hi Soapboxsam,
You're been specially selected for our Exclusive rewards.
(Well we can't give them just to anyone)
So in response i sent this.
Hi Richard,
As you are so accident prone and Vain.
Please accept my free specsavers eye test voucher.
(Well i can't just give them to anyone)
And give you a face full for that matter.
You jest but it's a bit true. I once had an inmate tell me he'd been dreaming about me and knowing the heinous deviant he was it wasn't about me and him skipping hand in hand through a summer meadow.
People walking in front of you who suddenly change direction for no good reason.
People who stand so close behind you in a queue that you can feel their breath on your neck.
I've been to Bexleyheath today.
Without a doubt but it's maybe concerning that I'm not as shocked/affected as I used to be. I have met some truly horrible individuals who have committed crimes that you just can't comprehend and who definitely exude wrongness. There have been a few who have given me the creeps but what's harder to get your head around is that most come across as quite normal. It's only when you learn of their crimes do you think 'holy shit, they're a proper deviant'.
It's slightly different for me as I work in High Security so most of our guests are hardcore criminals and/or sexual deviants. Roughly half the prisoners have some sort of personality disorder. I don't meet many who make the stupid mistake of driving after a couple of pints who've gone on to kill someone in a crash. The vast majority I have met have consciously made the decision to commit the crimes they did.
Having said that and as strange as it sounds I have met a few prisoners who I have genuinely liked and enjoyed a camaraderie with. There have been lads who have otherwise led clean lives who in a moments loss of control have taken someones life who are genuinely remorseful who I will support because I see them and think 'you never know what if'. Despite their crimes I try not to judge and for those who want to change their ways (ie ex gang members who don't want to return to that lifestyle) I will go all out to support. I wish I could say that was the majority of prisoners I meet but alas it's too late for a lot of them and although, maybe surprisingly, I don't support the death penalty it wouldn't bother me if some of them were 'disappeared'.
Where do I begin?
Is it the fact that, as a man, you're quite comfortable shaving with something that has the girth of a pencil - whilst women seemingly need some heavy duty contraption that's the size of a mid-90s Nokia mobile phone? Possibly.
Is it the fact that having a female razor stuck to the wall of your shower merely acts as a daily reminder that the illusion of your missus being any different from Chewbacca is simply down to the fact Chewbacca never discovered Gilette? Possibly.
Is it the fact that the suction cup that holds it on to the shower wall was quite clearly designed to support no more weight than a gnat, and inevitably the razor will end up in pieces on the shower floor at least once per shower? Possibly.
Or is it the fact that when trying to reassemble the razor, your fingers end up covered in some silky shaving-oil type shit, that makes the process of re-attaching the head 10 times more difficult? Possibly.
Verdict: A very confused wanker.