Yesterday I targeted a random fellow pedestrian and decided that I should be able to walk faster than him. I gradually closed the gap and pulled level - he gave a sideways glance - I feigned a look of nonchalance (despite the fact that I was hurting). As I inched ahead I became conscious that for all my facial bravado I could not hide the fact that my short legs were going ten to the dozen. I must’ve looked a complete dick …
I love it when people do this with me... Am a really fast walker without putting in any effort so when some random bloke busts a gut to try and get alongside (then ahead of) me I just give them a glance and stroll off leaving them for dust
And before anyone does it... Yes I probably look like this:
Haha. I forgot to add there's always some crone who whinges 'Ooooh that looks nice' just as I'm about to take my first bite. Yes it does look nice that's why I'm trying to eat it without your screechy voice ruining my lunch you troglodyte.
Haha. I forgot to add there's always some crone who whinges 'Ooooh that looks nice' just as I'm about to take my first bite. Yes it does look nice that's why I'm trying to eat it without your screechy voice ruining my lunch you troglodyte.
My personal lunch story is thus. I eat the same thing for lunch every day. I'm fine with this, I made this decision a long, long time ago. Of course, when people first clock this, there is an element of questioning, 'Do you eat the same thing every day, what really?'
This is met by me often saying, 'yes, I know, yes, I know you think it's odd, blah, blah'
After this, most people let me crack on. However, this one colleague, wouldn't stop referencing it and trying to make a joke of it every single day. Not a funny joke, just a tiresome, repetitive feeble attempt at humour. Unfortunately it is a she. Because it was a she, it stopped me getting my laptop and smashing it over her head. I actually had to tell my Director because it got to the point that this, coupled with her self obsessed, self absorbed personality was like pneumatic drill, peppering away at my skull.
Haha. I forgot to add there's always some crone who whinges 'Ooooh that looks nice' just as I'm about to take my first bite. Yes it does look nice that's why I'm trying to eat it without your screechy voice ruining my lunch you troglodyte.
My personal lunch story is thus. I eat the same thing for lunch every day. I'm fine with this, I made this decision a long, long time ago. Of course, when people first clock this, there is an element of questioning, 'Do you eat the same thing every day, what really?'
This is met by me often saying, 'yes, I know, yes, I know you think it's odd, blah, blah'
After this, most people let me crack on. However, this one colleague, wouldn't stop referencing it and trying to make a joke of it every single day. Not a funny joke, just a tiresome, repetitive feeble attempt at humour. Unfortunately it is a she. Because it was a she, it stopped me getting my laptop and smashing it over her head. I actually had to tell my Director because it got to the point that this, coupled with her self obsessed, self absorbed personality was like pneumatic drill, peppering away at my skull.
Anyway that's my rage released for the day.
Ugh. Shit banter, another bane of the office. Some people are funny, some are not. If no one is laughing at your jokes you're not funny, stop forcing it.
It's so stupid. Everyone has the same cards on their desks because they're all from the same people in the office. Bigger waste of money that Piotr Parzyszek.
All of these stories of twats interrupting your lunch are absolutely on the money. In my opinion, the only people who should be allowed to talk to someone who's eating are the people they have chosen to dine with. If I wanted to talk to someone else, I'd invite them to join me. Forgive the self quote, but I dug up this related comment I made on here back in July. I stand by every word:
This has been getting on my tits for a while now, and tonight it happened again so I need to vent... When I go to a restaurant, I want to sit, give my order, have a chat with my missus, eat, pay then fuck off. The only circumstances under which I want to talk to anyone else is when I'm ordering the food, saying thanks when they bring it and when I'm paying the bill. Occasionally I might want to call them over for an extra coffee or, if there's a problem, to point out if something's not right with the meal. I don't mind any of that. All of it is acceptable up to a point and not an issue for me. What is an issue is being approached sometimes more than once during my meal for no other reason than to ask me if my meal is ok. FUCK OFF. I'M EATING.
When did this become normal? Why does, it seems, every single restaurant do this now? This didn't used to happen did it? I keep meaning to speak to waiters at the beginning of a meal out and say "By the way, when we've got our food, please don't come over and ask if everything's ok. If there's a problem, I'll get your attention." But I always forget to do it. Then when they come over while I'm trying to swallow a mouthful of food, I just mumble "yes, thanks" with a hand over my mouth because I want them to get the fuck away from me when I'm eating and I don't like talking with my mouth full because it's disgusting. To make things even worse, now I'm finding more and more that you get approached by more than one member of staff to ask the same thing! For fuck's sake, can't restaurant staff find a system where each table only gets visited once? None would be better, but come on!
I'm too polite in public to make a scene over this and I'm also aware that the staff are told to do it, so it's not them I'm pissed off with. It's this generic, yet utterly plastic, 'customer care' that actually decreases my enjoyment of the food.
If one of my fellow lifers wants to set up a restaurant, here's an idea for you: Have a gimmick where your customers can put a flippable sign on their table that says something like 'Please leave me alone when I'm eating - everything is fine unless I call you over' on one side and 'Please ask me how my food is halfway through my fucking meal' on the other. If you do that, I'll come and eat in your restaurant.
On a similar topic...dentists thinking they're hairdressers and trying to have a conversation with you whilst scraping around your mouth with Hannibal Lecter's toolkit. Just no.
Shopping websites that expect you to register before they tell you their postage costs.
The word 'shipping' used to mean postage. If I'm paying for shipping I bloody well expect that my goods are going on a ship - it doesn't have to be too grand the Woolwich ferry will do.
Shopping websites that expect you to register before they tell you their postage costs.
The word 'shipping' used to mean postage. If I'm paying for shipping I bloody well expect that my goods are going on a ship - it doesn't have to be too grand the Woolwich ferry will do.
When it goes by ship its cargo and when by road its shipment.
Dave Allen did a very funny monologue on this sort of thing, but I can't find it on youtube.
By all means bring your kids to a pub ladies and gents but sod off if you're going to let them run around screaming or run into the back of other patrons' chairs.
Comments
This is met by me often saying, 'yes, I know, yes, I know you think it's odd, blah, blah'
After this, most people let me crack on. However, this one colleague, wouldn't stop referencing it and trying to make a joke of it every single day. Not a funny joke, just a tiresome, repetitive feeble attempt at humour. Unfortunately it is a she. Because it was a she, it stopped me getting my laptop and smashing it over her head. I actually had to tell my Director because it got to the point that this, coupled with her self obsessed, self absorbed personality was like pneumatic drill, peppering away at my skull.
Anyway that's my rage released for the day.
I suppose if you did change you get all the questions about why have you changed.
Adults getting more excited about children's books than children. Stop wetting yourself about the Gruffalo.
Every Friday in December.
A vanity project to decide who can look like the biggest twat in the office. Bah humbug.
Much happier just getting on with what you pay me to do!!
It's so stupid. Everyone has the same cards on their desks because they're all from the same people in the office. Bigger waste of money that Piotr Parzyszek.
7.00am - Feeling fine
7.30am - Feeling fine
8.00am - Feeling fine
Leave for work
8.30am - Feeling fine
9.00am - Feeling fine
Arrive at work
9.30am - Feeling fine
Enter meeting
9.31am - desperate for a poo
Stuck in my head all day.
The word 'shipping' used to mean postage. If I'm paying for shipping I bloody well expect that my goods are going on a ship - it doesn't have to be too grand the Woolwich ferry will do.
Dave Allen did a very funny monologue on this sort of thing, but I can't find it on youtube.