Paddy and Mick decided to swap sandwiches one day at work. Paddy bites into the sandwich Mick has given him and immediately spits it out. "Fockin' Jaysus! What's in that? ", he said. "Crab paste", says Mick. "Crab paste?", said Paddy, "where did you get it?" "At the chemist, they were having a sale!"
John Terry has tweeted to say how sad he is at missing the Champions league final and it won't be the same watching it on TV at Christine Bleakleys house.
Bloke goes to the doctors and says “Doctor, It think my wife is dead..” Doctor says “what do you mean you think your wife is dead”? Bloke says “well the sex is still the same but the washing is starting to pile up”
Just received some sad news. My ex-wife has been found dead in a washing machine. Even though its a strange way to die, she seems to have died in comfort.
Guy walks into a pharmacy and asks for some viagra. Cashier says " we need some medical proof that you need it?" Bloke replies, "will a photo of my wife do?"
Took my wife to the doctors yesterday, cos she got a golf ball stuck up her arse. He had a look and said "its up a fairway".
last night i said to the missus, "any chance of some oral relief?" "What's that mean?" she said, " you want me to suck you off?" I said "no, just shut the f*ck up"
The Chief Exec of the FA has just spoken to Roy Hodgson to remind him "dont forget we've not got Wayne for the first two matches this summer", to which Hodgson replied "Dont bother me with fucking weather forecasts now you pwick"
I met a girl in the park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us and she immediately dropped to her knees and laid on the grass at my feet. As we lay there making love, I thought.... These Taser guns are well worth the money.
Three blonde's are stranded on a island when one of them finds a lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out. He says "You have one wish each." The first blonde wishes to be 25% smarter; she turns into a brunette and swims off the island. The second blonde see's what happened and wishes to be 50% smarter; she turns into a redhead, builds a raft and gets off the island. The third one is astonished by what happened and wishes to be 100% smarter; she turns into a man and crosses the bridge.
36inch DD breasts covered in warm belgium chocolate... 1 inch erect nipples pierced with golden nipple rings topped with whipped cream... Clean shaven fanny framed by an open crotched leather thong...smothered in Blackberry jam.... This is not ordinary porn....
Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires stickin out of it. He phones the police and says "Bejesas I've just found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb." The operator asks, "is it tickin ?" Paddy says "No I tink it's beef"
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Paddy bites into the sandwich Mick has given him and immediately spits it out.
"Fockin' Jaysus! What's in that? ", he said. "Crab paste", says Mick.
"Crab paste?", said Paddy, "where did you get it?"
"At the chemist, they were having a sale!"
Then I realised I'd left the "R" out.
A. Your dad's knob tastes funny!
Taxi !!!
Bloke goes to the doctors and says “Doctor, It think my wife is dead..”
Doctor says “what do you mean you think your wife is dead”?
Bloke says “well the sex is still the same but the washing is starting to pile up”
Just received some sad news. My ex-wife has been found dead in a washing machine. Even though its a strange way to die, she seems to have died in comfort.
Guy walks into a pharmacy and asks for some viagra. Cashier says " we need some medical proof that you need it?" Bloke replies, "will a photo of my wife do?"
Took my wife to the doctors yesterday, cos she got a golf ball stuck up her arse. He had a look and said "its up a fairway".
"What's that mean?" she said, " you want me to suck you off?"
I said "no, just shut the f*ck up"
Only problem is that it keeps blowing off.
A. An Amish drive by shooting.
Sohw some cosnidreatoin gusy..............
There was an instant spark between us and she immediately dropped to her knees and laid on the grass at my feet.
As we lay there making love, I thought....
These Taser guns are well worth the money.
when one of them finds a lamp. They
rub it and a genie comes out. He says "You have one wish each." The first blonde wishes to be 25%
smarter; she turns into a brunette and
swims off the island. The second blonde see's what
happened and wishes to be 50%
smarter; she turns into a redhead,
builds a raft and gets off the island. The third one is astonished by what
happened and wishes to be 100%
smarter; she turns into a man and
crosses the bridge.
"El Brassico!" is set for the 4th of August!
1. Unbutton pants.
2. Pull pants down.
3. Pull foreskin back.
4. Pee.
5. Push foreskin forward.
6. Pull pants up and button.
She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny
saying, "1,2,3,4,5,6" and she was thinking she did good.
Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast 3-5,3-5,3-5...
1 inch erect nipples pierced with golden nipple rings topped with whipped cream...
Clean shaven fanny framed by an open crotched leather thong...smothered in Blackberry jam....
This is not ordinary porn....
that's M&S Porn..!
He phones the police and says "Bejesas I've just found a sandwich dat looks
like a bomb."
The operator asks, "is it tickin ?"
Paddy says "No I tink it's beef"