Not sure if it's been posted already , but just found this:
A Palace supporting family were out shopping and ended up in a sports shop. Little Kevin suddenly puts on a Charlton shirt and says to his sister 'Look, I'm a Charlton fan!' His sister slaps him across the face and orders him to show their mum.
He wanders over to his mum and says Mum look, 'I'm a Charlton fan' His mother also slaps him across the face and orders him to show his dad. He finds his dad and say's Dad, I'm a Charlton fan' His dad looks at him and then he also slaps him across the face.
On their way home in the car the family turn to him and say 'Well we hope you've learned something today' To which little Kevin replies 'Yeah, I've only been a Charlton fan for twenty minutes and I already hate you Palarse c*!?s
Not sure if it's been posted already , but just found this:
A Palace supporting family were out shopping and ended up in a sports shop. Little Kevin suddenly puts on a Charlton shirt and says to his sister 'Look, I'm a Charlton fan!' His sister slaps him across the face and orders him to show their mum.
He wanders over to his mum and says Mum look, 'I'm a Charlton fan' His mother also slaps him across the face and orders him to show his dad. He finds his dad and say's Dad, I'm a Charlton fan' His dad looks at him and then he also slaps him across the face.
On their way home in the car the family turn to him and say 'Well we hope you've learned something today' To which little Kevin replies 'Yeah, I've only been a Charlton fan for twenty minutes and I already hate you Palarse c*!?s
Q. What's the difference between the people from Dubai and the people from Abu Dhabi? A. The people from Dubai don't watch The Flintstones, but the people from Abu Dhabi do!
Two sperms. First one says 'How to far to the ovaries?' Second one says 'Miles, we've only just passed the tonsils'.
I took the wife to a disco at the weekend. There was a guy on the dance floor giving it everything he had; break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works.
My wife turned to me and said, "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."
I said, "Looks like he's still fucking celebrating!"
I can't stand people who think they are worse off than everyone else......my mate Derek is brilliant, he had a nasty accident and lost his voice and both his feet..........does he make a song and dance about it?......No.
I can't stand people who think they are worse off than everyone else......my mate Derek is brilliant, he had a nasty accident and lost his voice and both his feet..........does he make a song and dance about it?......No.
I bet you'll never see Andy Murray & Marlon Dingle in the same room! On my Telly Kate Moss keeps on urging us to "Get the London Look". (funny how you'll never see HER in a Burka)
A young girl started work in the village Chemist Shop. She was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public. The owner was going on holiday for a couple of days and asked if she would be willing to run the shop on her own. She had to confide in him her worries about selling the contraceptives.
"Look," he said, "My regular customers don't ask for condoms. They'll ask for a 310 [small] a 320[medium] or a 330[large]. The word condom won't even be used".
The first day was fine, but on the second a guy came in to the shop, put out his hand and said "350".
The girl panicked. She phoned the owner on his mobile and told him of her predicament.
"Go back out front and check if he has a yellow bucket hanging down from his belt", her boss told her.
She peeped through the door and saw the yellow bucket hanging down from his belt.
Comments
What a brilliant plan! Why did nobody think of that before?
Did I ever tell anyone that my sister went out with a former Charlton striker?
They had to break up though, it turned out he was Bent.
A Palace supporting family were out shopping and ended up in a sports shop. Little Kevin suddenly puts on a Charlton shirt and says to his sister 'Look, I'm a Charlton fan!' His sister slaps him across the face and orders him to show their mum.
He wanders over to his mum and says Mum look, 'I'm a Charlton fan' His mother also slaps him across the face and orders him to show his dad. He finds his dad and say's Dad, I'm a Charlton fan' His dad looks at him and then he also slaps him across the face.
On their way home in the car the family turn to him and say 'Well we hope you've learned something today' To which little Kevin replies 'Yeah, I've only been a Charlton fan for twenty minutes and I already hate you Palarse c*!?s
I said "yes, it's because you're a nosy c***."
The barman asks, "what would you like Mr Terry?"
Turns out it was my wife telling me all about her day at work.
"Of course you can, that's where Palarse fans come from."
The doctors says 'What's the problem?'
The router replies ' It hurts when IP'
A. The people from Dubai don't watch The Flintstones, but the people from Abu Dhabi do!
Two sperms.
First one says 'How to far to the ovaries?'
Second one says 'Miles, we've only just passed the tonsils'.
My wife turned to me and said, "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."
I said, "Looks like he's still fucking celebrating!"
if you can't come let me know
It's a little bit funny.
I said "can you even name any 70s prog rock bands? "
And he replied "Yes"
Those who understand binary and those that dont.
The boy deserves a Gong.
Is he a Gentle Giant, and do you have Matching Moles?
On my Telly Kate Moss keeps on urging us to "Get the London Look". (funny how you'll
never see HER in a Burka)
;-)
he said 'Why's that'
I said 'She's Spanish'
"Look," he said, "My regular customers don't ask for condoms. They'll ask for a 310 [small] a 320[medium] or a 330[large]. The word condom won't even be used".
The first day was fine, but on the second a guy came in to the shop, put out his hand and said "350".
The girl panicked. She phoned the owner on his mobile and told him of her predicament.
"Go back out front and check if he has a yellow bucket hanging down from his belt", her boss told her.
She peeped through the door and saw the yellow bucket hanging down from his belt.
"Yes ", she said "He's got one hanging there".
The boss said "Go back in and give him £3-50.
He's the Window Cleaner".
(DON´T BLAME ME. I ONLY PASS THEM ON).