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Jokes..

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    AddicksAddictAddicksAddict
    edited August 2017
    There is a story that, whilst probably apocryphal, I do find somewhat amusing.

    A civic reception was given in Manchester to honour Dr. Fuchs, one of the early conquerors of Everest

    In his laudatory speech, the Lord Mayor kept referring to "Dr. Fucks". When he sat down, someone whispered in his ear

    "You know, my Lord Mayor, his name is pronounced 'Fooks.'"

    "Ee, Ah knaw that," His Worship replied, "But Ah caan't use that word in froont o' t' leedies."
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    A-R-T-H-U-RA-R-T-H-U-R
    I bought some fancy pens at a nudist art shop.

    Felt tips?

    No, but I brushed against a couple of bollocks.
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    A-R-T-H-U-RA-R-T-H-U-R
    Argued with my acupuncturist and ended up stabbing him.
    He said he'd never felt better.
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    seth plumseth plum
    cafcfan said:

    A-R-T-H-U-R said:

    Non-topical joke.

    I bought my Jehova's Witness neighbour an advent calendar last year.
    Behind every door was someone telling him to f@#k off.

    A couple of years ago I threatened to follow them home to find out where they lived. I'd then come back and knock on their door when it was least convenient to them to ask them if they'd like to read a Valley Review. They've not been back; I think I've been black-listed.
    One of the few advantages of being a vegetarian is when Jehova's witnesses knock. I ask them if they believe in the commandment 'thou shall not kill', when they say yes I point to their leather shoes and call them out for hypocrisy warning that they may well be headed for their 'Hell'.
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    DaveMehmetDaveMehmet
    seth plum said:

    cafcfan said:

    A-R-T-H-U-R said:

    Non-topical joke.

    I bought my Jehova's Witness neighbour an advent calendar last year.
    Behind every door was someone telling him to f@#k off.

    A couple of years ago I threatened to follow them home to find out where they lived. I'd then come back and knock on their door when it was least convenient to them to ask them if they'd like to read a Valley Review. They've not been back; I think I've been black-listed.
    One of the few advantages of being a vegetarian is when Jehova's witnesses knock. I ask them if they believe in the commandment 'thou shall not kill', when they say yes I point to their leather shoes and call them out for hypocrisy warning that they may well be headed for their 'Hell'.
    10/10, far more creative than fuck off.
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    MrOneLungMrOneLung
    What if they are not wearing leather shoes?
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    seth plumseth plum
    MrOneLung said:

    What if they are not wearing leather shoes?

    Good point.

    I ask them to prove it.
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    McBobbinMcBobbin
    Do you then ask if they also run a farm, an abattoir, a tannery and a cobblers?
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    stackitstevestackitsteve
    Fuck off is definitely easier.

    I usually just say "I give blood" and they walk away
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    A-R-T-H-U-RA-R-T-H-U-R
    stackitsteve said:

    Fuck off is definitely easier.

    I usually just say "I give blood" and they walk away

    Especially when it's a punch line on a jokes thread.....
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    seth plumseth plum
    McBobbin said:

    Do you then ask if they also run a farm, an abattoir, a tannery and a cobblers?

    Great ideas there. They don't usually linger long enough but I can keep these in reserve.
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    cantersaddickcantersaddick
    Telling them you're a Muslim usually gets you black listed...
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    IdleHansIdleHans
    How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?






    Two. The mystery is how did they get in there in the first place.
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    AddicksAddictAddicksAddict
    cafcfan said:

    A-R-T-H-U-R said:

    Non-topical joke.

    I bought my Jehova's Witness neighbour an advent calendar last year.
    Behind every door was someone telling him to f@#k off.

    A couple of years ago I threatened to follow them home to find out where they lived. I'd then come back and knock on their door when it was least convenient to them to ask them if they'd like to read a Valley Review. They've not been back; I think I've been black-listed.
    Inspired, but surely a worse threat would be to offer them a copy of The Lion Roars.
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    AddicksAddictAddicksAddict
    DaveMehmet said:

    seth plum said:

    cafcfan said:

    A-R-T-H-U-R said:

    Non-topical joke.

    I bought my Jehova's Witness neighbour an advent calendar last year.
    Behind every door was someone telling him to f@#k off.

    A couple of years ago I threatened to follow them home to find out where they lived. I'd then come back and knock on their door when it was least convenient to them to ask them if they'd like to read a Valley Review. They've not been back; I think I've been black-listed.
    One of the few advantages of being a vegetarian is when Jehova's witnesses knock. I ask them if they believe in the commandment 'thou shall not kill', when they say yes I point to their leather shoes and call them out for hypocrisy warning that they may well be headed for their 'Hell'.
    10/10, far more creative than fuck off.
    I have asked them if they could come back after I've completed sacrificing a chicken, or would they like to come in and watch so they could learn something about another religion?
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    man_at_millettsman_at_milletts
    DaveMehmet said:

    seth plum said:

    cafcfan said:

    A-R-T-H-U-R said:

    Non-topical joke.

    I bought my Jehova's Witness neighbour an advent calendar last year.
    Behind every door was someone telling him to f@#k off.

    A couple of years ago I threatened to follow them home to find out where they lived. I'd then come back and knock on their door when it was least convenient to them to ask them if they'd like to read a Valley Review. They've not been back; I think I've been black-listed.
    One of the few advantages of being a vegetarian is when Jehova's witnesses knock. I ask them if they believe in the commandment 'thou shall not kill', when they say yes I point to their leather shoes and call them out for hypocrisy warning that they may well be headed for their 'Hell'.
    10/10, far more creative than fuck off.
    Yeh, but......
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    HalixHalix
    Red_James said:

    What do you call a Mexican Midget?

    A paragraph cos he's too short to be an essay

    Dont understand this one at all!
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    guinnessaddickguinnessaddick
    edited August 2017
    Halix said:

    Red_James said:

    What do you call a Mexican Midget?

    A paragraph cos he's too short to be an essay

    Dont understand this one at all!
    I would explain it, if I could, however it's a bit of a long story.
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    BigbadbozmanBigbadbozman
    Red_James said:

    What do you call a Mexican Midget?

    A paragraph cos he's too short to be an essay

    Deserves more than 2 lols
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    MrOneLungMrOneLung
    Bigbadbozman said:

    Red_James said:

    What do you call a Mexican Midget?

    A paragraph cos he's too short to be an essay

    Deserves more than 2 lols
    Still dont get it
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