"Life is not the way it's supposed to be, it's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference."
After his plane was hit and he was forced to eject, a navy fighter pilot finally regained consciousness. He was in a hospital bed in a lot of pain. He found himself in the ICU with tubes and IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function and a nurse hovering over him, looking worried. It was obvious he was in a life-threatening situation.
The nurse looked him straight in the eye, giving him a serious look. Knowing he was not only a fighter pilot but also a sailor, she spoke to him softly and slowly, enunciating each word. "I'm sorry, but you may not feel anything from the waist down."
Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, "Okay, can I feel your tits then?"
And that, my friends, is a real positive attitude!
Artery The study of paintings Bacteria Back door to a cafeteria Barium What doctors do when patients die Benign What you be, after you be eight Caesarean Section A neighbourhood in Rome Cat scan Searching for Kitty Cauterize Made eye contact with her Colic A sheep dog Coma A punctuation mark Dilate To live long Enema Not a friend Fester Quicker than someone else Fibula A small lie Impotent Distinguished, well known Labour Pain Getting hurt at work Medical Staff A Doctor's cane Morbid A higher offer Nitrates Rates of pay for working at night. Normally more money than day rates Node I knew it Outpatient A person who has fainted Pelvis Second cousin to Elvis Post Operative A letter carrier Recovery Room Place to do upholstery Rectum Nearly killed him Secretion Hiding something Seizure Roman Emperor Tablet A small table Terminal Illness Getting sick at the airport Tumour One plus one more Urine Opposite of you're out
I think all the other mods have gone to bed now so I'll tell you this, if you promise to keep it quiet: I used to be into necrophilia - until some rotten cunt split on me.
Comments
" You need to stop masturbating " said the doctor.
" Why? " Said the man.
The doctor replies " Because I'm trying to examine you! "
David Hasselhoff walked into a bar and ordered a drink.
"It’s a pleasure to serve you Mr Hasselhoff,” said the bartender.
“Just call me Hoff,” he replied.
“Sure,” said the bartender. “No hassle.”
I got mugged by six dwarves last night.
Not happy.
My wife just left me because of my obsession with cricket.
It's really hit me for 6.
Don't worry, I'm not hurt but it was a close shave.
you can’t marmalade your cock up a girls arse
It doesn’t cost 50 quid to have a lentil on your face.
Because he couldn’t get his knob out of the chicken