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Getting married on Sunday... what's your one bit of advice for a happy marriage?

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  • Eddie FirmaniEddie Firmani
    GreenWithEnvy said:

    So I am finally getting hitched after having dithered so long in the past. Have been with my fiance for 5 years and we are very happy indeed. But what one piece of advice can my fellow lifers share to ensure the magic stays alive?

    Don't marry a bloke. Unless you are a woman.

    Spelling police rool.



  • Off_itOff_it
    maybe_baby said:

    1. Never tell a lie, not even a white one.
    2. Let her have her opinions.
    3. Always remember she's not your possession.
    4. Never play down or make jokes about menstruation.
    5. Be the best friend she's ever had.

    I'm not your average macho geezer so realize these rules can be tough for some. I wish you everything you wish yourself. Have a great day.

    Tell me, how long have you been married?

    With those values you may as well add ;

    6. let her walk all over you and treat you like a c*** - because that's what will happen with that attitude.
  • JWADDICKJWADDICK
    Off_it said:

    Why does a bride smile when she walks down the aisle .............. you know the rest.

    Brides never walk down the aisle. The aisle in a Church runs along each side and in fact Brides are always taken down the central passage.

    Anyway I remember my wedding day as if it were yesterday, I wish it were tomorrow as I'd still have time to cancel it.

    In the words of Mr Davidson just find a woman you don't like and buy her a house. It saves both time and money.

  • CHGCHG
    Best advice that I can give is pick your battles, made it much easier for me.
  • Off_itOff_it
    JWADDICK said:

    Off_it said:

    Why does a bride smile when she walks down the aisle .............. you know the rest.

    Brides never walk down the aisle. The aisle in a Church runs along each side and in fact Brides are always taken down the central passage.
    Taken many brides up the central passage have you?
  • ViewfinderViewfinder
    JWADDICK said:

    Off_it said:

    Why does a bride smile when she walks down the aisle .............. you know the rest.

    Brides never walk down the aisle. The aisle in a Church runs along each side and in fact Brides are always taken down the central passage.

    Anyway I remember my wedding day as if it were yesterday, I wish it were tomorrow as I'd still have time to cancel it.

    In the words of Mr Davidson just find a woman you don't like and buy her a house. It saves both time and money.

    "Brides are always taken down the central passage". Some of them prefer it up the rear.

  • CharltonKerryCharltonKerry
    I will hand you the advice my father gave me 35 years ago, and may I say it has been indispensable:
    1. On the first time she insists you do your share of ironing, burn her best bra.
    2. Similar for the washing up, but drop a part of her favourite dinner set or similar.

    I followed his advice to the letter, and we stayed quietly married for 35 years, had 3 kids and I remember enjoying at least 1 day of it :-)

    Have a great life together.
  • maybe_babymaybe_baby
    edited September 2013
    Off_it said:

    maybe_baby said:

    1. Never tell a lie, not even a white one.
    2. Let her have her opinions.
    3. Always remember she's not your possession.
    4. Never play down or make jokes about menstruation.
    5. Be the best friend she's ever had.

    I'm not your average macho geezer so realize these rules can be tough for some. I wish you everything you wish yourself. Have a great day.

    Tell me, how long have you been married?

    With those values you may as well add ;

    6. let her walk all over you and treat you like a c*** - because that's what will happen with that attitude.
    My third marriage ended three years ago when my wife left me for another man...same with the first two, so maybe I should have applied these rules back then. My present gf never lies to me, isn't opinionated, spends most of her time with me, doesn't flirt with other men and is definately the best friend I've ever had.

    My guidelines that you so thoughtlessly damned were born out of my f*ck ups.
  • Leroy AmbroseLeroy Ambrose
    Enjoy your marriage whilst it lasts. Every second of it - you'll only regret it later when it inevitably goes tits up.
  • lancashire ladlancashire lad
    have fun with her and don't have any children
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  • Off_itOff_it
    maybe_baby said:

    Off_it said:

    maybe_baby said:

    1. Never tell a lie, not even a white one.
    2. Let her have her opinions.
    3. Always remember she's not your possession.
    4. Never play down or make jokes about menstruation.
    5. Be the best friend she's ever had.

    I'm not your average macho geezer so realize these rules can be tough for some. I wish you everything you wish yourself. Have a great day.

    Tell me, how long have you been married?

    With those values you may as well add ;

    6. let her walk all over you and treat you like a c*** - because that's what will happen with that attitude.
    My third marriage ended three years ago when my wife left me for another (more macho) man...same with the first two, so maybe I should have applied these rules back then. My present gf never lies to me, isn't opinionated, spends most of her time with me, doesn't flirt with other men and is definately the best friend I've ever had.

    ps. All three ex wives have asked to come back.
    I rest my case, m'lud.
  • maybe_babymaybe_baby
    edited September 2013
    Off_it said:

    maybe_baby said:

    Off_it said:

    maybe_baby said:

    1. Never tell a lie, not even a white one.
    2. Let her have her opinions.
    3. Always remember she's not your possession.
    4. Never play down or make jokes about menstruation.
    5. Be the best friend she's ever had.

    I'm not your average macho geezer so realize these rules can be tough for some. I wish you everything you wish yourself. Have a great day.

    Tell me, how long have you been married?

    With those values you may as well add ;

    6. let her walk all over you and treat you like a c*** - because that's what will happen with that attitude.
    My third marriage ended three years ago when my wife left me for another (more macho) man...same with the first two, so maybe I should have applied these rules back then. My present gf never lies to me, isn't opinionated, spends most of her time with me, doesn't flirt with other men and is definately the best friend I've ever had.

    ps. All three ex wives have asked to come back.
    I rest my case, m'lud.
    You have no case, as in my three marriages I was a selfish self opinionated arsehole.
  • nth_london_addicknth_london_addick
    Off_it said:

    maybe_baby said:

    Off_it said:

    maybe_baby said:

    1. Never tell a lie, not even a white one.
    2. Let her have her opinions.
    3. Always remember she's not your possession.
    4. Never play down or make jokes about menstruation.
    5. Be the best friend she's ever had.

    I'm not your average macho geezer so realize these rules can be tough for some. I wish you everything you wish yourself. Have a great day.

    Tell me, how long have you been married?

    With those values you may as well add ;

    6. let her walk all over you and treat you like a c*** - because that's what will happen with that attitude.
    My third marriage ended three years ago when my wife left me for another (more macho) man...same with the first two, so maybe I should have applied these rules back then. My present gf never lies to me, isn't opinionated, spends most of her time with me, doesn't flirt with other men and is definately the best friend I've ever had.

    ps. All three ex wives have asked to come back.
    I rest my case, m'lud.
    I am pissing myself here after that off it nail on head





    teach her sign language so she does not interfere with the footie on the tellybox



    and do not accept beer or cider at room temp, if served as such shake can and open in her face
  • cafcdave123cafcdave123
    the first time you have an argument when married, punch her square in the face and say "things are changing round here c#nts-mouth"

    and you should live happily ever after ...........
  • Off_itOff_it
    edited September 2013
    maybe_baby said:

    Off_it said:

    maybe_baby said:

    Off_it said:

    maybe_baby said:

    1. Never tell a lie, not even a white one.
    2. Let her have her opinions.
    3. Always remember she's not your possession.
    4. Never play down or make jokes about menstruation.
    5. Be the best friend she's ever had.

    I'm not your average macho geezer so realize these rules can be tough for some. I wish you everything you wish yourself. Have a great day.

    Tell me, how long have you been married?

    With those values you may as well add ;

    6. let her walk all over you and treat you like a c*** - because that's what will happen with that attitude.
    My third marriage ended three years ago when my wife left me for another (more macho) man...same with the first two, so maybe I should have applied these rules back then. My present gf never lies to me, isn't opinionated, spends most of her time with me, doesn't flirt with other men and is definately the best friend I've ever had.

    ps. All three ex wives have asked to come back.
    I rest my case, m'lud.
    You have no case, as in my three marriages I was a selfish self opinionated arsehole.
    Nice edit.
  • nth_london_addicknth_london_addick
    cafcdave123 said:

    the first time you have an argument when married, punch her square in the face and say "things are changing round here c#nts-mouth"

    and you should live happily ever after ...........

    pmsfl
  • JWADDICKJWADDICK
    My present gf never lies to me, isn't opinionated, spends most of her time with me, doesn't flirt with other men and is definately the best friend I've ever had.

    My guidelines that you so thoughtlessly damned were born out of my f*ck ups.

    Are you sure your present gf isn't actually a bloke :)
  • Off_itOff_it
    What do you say to your wife with a black eye?

    Nothing, you've already told her once.
  • Off_itOff_it
    p.s. that is a joke by the way.
  • McBobbinMcBobbin
    JWADDICK said:

    My present gf never lies to me, isn't opinionated, spends most of her time with me, doesn't flirt with other men and is definately the best friend I've ever had.

    My guidelines that you so thoughtlessly damned were born out of my f*ck ups.

    Are you sure your present gf isn't actually a bloke :)

    that was going to be my advice^
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  • nollynolly
    cheat with brasses not women in pubs etc, win win then
  • JTJT
    But remember to wrap up
  • roseandcrownroseandcrown
    Congrats and good luck
  • nollynolly
    creatine powder around knackers is good enough
  • nth_london_addicknth_london_addick
    only do really good quality gear off her titties
  • nollynolly
    what the wife?
  • Off_itOff_it
    let it go nolly. let it go.
  • kielyskickingbootskielyskickingboots
    When she says jump, don't even bother with 'how high?' Just cut straight to 'was that high enough?'

    And never respond to an argument and 'you're in the spare room' threats with the words 'Bothered - we've got cable'.

    Apart from that, have a great day and congrats to you both!
  • JTJT
    Place a leek on the bed before running in and telling her there's a massive leak in the bedroom.
  • Stuart_the_RedStuart_the_Red
    Just do as she says and you'll be alright.
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