Moved from the RIP thread, as I think it's more appropriate here.
Very very sad news. So shocking.
If he was depressed the signs must have been there, he can't have gone about life doing his job normally using a big front.
Sadly that's just not true. Remember the reaction when Stan Collymore came out about his depression, with loads of people thinking "what's he got to be depressed about?" It may have been easier to put up a front than having to explain how and why he was feeling so bad. And while his family may have had some idea, he may not have revealed the true extent, because he didn't want to burden them.
a story that had a more positive ending as we move towards the end of the day.
Someone who is pretty close to me but not blood relative, once described me as the closest thing he has to a father now his own father is dead, suffered from depression for a number of years and tried to commit suicide by taking a load of tablets (paracetamol I think). he lay on his bed and started to fall asleep, and then his cat jumped on his chest and started licking his face, suddenly he decided he did not want to die and manged to get up and force him self down the road and end up in lewisham hospital. that was a few years ago now and he has just got a new cat.
Still suffers from depression but at the moment is coping, with his cats!
Dazzler. All those incidents led you to where you are today, change anyone of them and your life could have taken a different direction. I honestly believe that I would not change anything that has happened in my life, because of what I have now. Now obviously my dad died in that as part of that, but I would give my life for children to have what I have now. So I think his life was not wasted, I think he would be rightly proud of his family if were here today.
i also unfortuantly have experience or knowelge or whatever on this subject. i'm pretty terrible talking to people about it. i do that because it can make it difficult to then try and be what you call normal, a laugh, i guess, in front of others who know. it also plagues me when i tell people to much of my problems, even to people who are very close to me. as if i'm showing them a weekeness of charactor. i feel guilty about telling others, i dont want to burden them. what doesent help is other family members who have also got mental illnesses. so i try to be stong for them. one has gone down the doctor route and has improved. so i do suggest that, just in case it works for you or those you know around you who are struggling with depression. it is hard to explain to others how you feel. hard to explain that your brain is your worst enemy. it wont let you rest. it will grab hold of anything, any thoughts and it will cripple you with them. trying to undermine every aspect of your life. i'm sorry for those who have lost loved ones because of it.
Dazzler. All those incidents led you to where you are today, change anyone of them and your life could have taken a different direction. I honestly believe that I would not change anything that has happened in my life, because of what I have now. Now obviously my dad died in that as part of that, but I would give my life for children to have what I have now. So I think his life was not wasted, I think he would be rightly proud of his family if were here today.
People that commit suicide often have self-esteem issues. They cannot see any value in themselves so, in the irrational state engendered by a really bad bout of depression they actually convince themselves that they are doing the people they love a favour by doing away with themselves.
The motive, in as much as there is any clear logical thought, is unselfish from their sick (because of the illness) perspective.
That post made me slightly tearful because it perfectly describes a thought process I went through a few years ago. A friend literally saved me that day and I still can't 100% explain why or how I got into that situation. I've never really spoken to anyone about it, mainly due to embarrassment but still have thoughts and periods in life that are quite 'scary', I think it's just something I have to live with and hope I never get that low again.
This thread has moved me to tears, the stories some of you have hear are very sad and moving, thank you for sharing it took guts. Also @ken well done for working with the samaritins amazing work they do, unfortunatly they can't save everybody but without them there would be many more tragic stories and many more Gary Speed's. I was also impressed with how compassionate CL members have been with this death, no jokes or snide comments. Congratulations everyone.
God Bless you all and your families whatever your circumstances and God bless Gary Speed RIP XXX
Such a touching post, yet very sad to see just how many people have been personally affected. We can never really understand exactly what it feels like to be another person, the best we'll ever get is a close approximation based on our own feelings and experiences. But if someone is really suffering we may never know that. Best wishes to Gary Speed's friends and family, and to everyone who is in the terrible position of facing up to these demons - either their own, or others'.
Dazzler. All those incidents led you to where you are today, change anyone of them and your life could have taken a different direction. I honestly believe that I would not change anything that has happened in my life, because of what I have now. Now obviously my dad died in that as part of that, but I would give my life for children to have what I have now. So I think his life was not wasted, I think he would be rightly proud of his family if were here today.
This is powerfull but great to hear it .
That should read: I would give my life for my Children to have what I have now.
Wow. I've just read thru all this. Fair play to all of you telling us your stories. I'm lucky I don't suffer from depression. Suffered terribly thru bereavement when I was 21. But I got on with that. Long time ago now.
I'd like to give each and everyone of you a hug. Especially you dazzler. You deserve it. You have done well and your mum would be proud of you. X x
I'm amazed by this thread . Some stunning and very moving insights into fellow lifers experiences . I have suffered extreme stress in my life and have coped with it in several ways but never have I thought about suicide. I had an old friend who hung himself in a woods for no apperent reason apart from financial ones ( he left no note) and it still bemuses me today why he killed himself over money . I work as an engineer on the east coast railway and its a monthly occurrence that someone throws themselves under one of our trains. Some People I work with think it's extremely selfish . It affects the drivers , to the point that many never recover from the stress of hitting a Person at 125 miles an hour and what happens to a body when a 80 tons of steel hit it. Others , like me , see the bigger picture. Nobody knows what makes a person end their life. Especially when they have children , but one thing is for sure , they don't deserve to be called selfish.
I think it proves a point that such a small cross-section of society, a single football team forum, can produce such a number of stories in such a small time. I think if there was a much wider study, the numbers would be shocking. I'm only 18 and personally know 5 or 6 people who have either attempted to or have very very very seriously contemplated suicide. And by personally know, I mean be best friends with. There are others who i am aware of having tried to who I haven't even included in that number. I shudder to think how many must attempt to take their own lives every day in our own small country.
This is a very moving, thoughtful but in the main uplifting thread.
I have suffered from depression for a while now. I am fortunate that I have not yet fallen into total despair but I have found myself sometimes as such a low ebb as to have at least gone through a thought process surrounding me taking my own life.
Len said some very profound things about the nature of those who tend to give so much that they don't have anything left for themselves. That is very true in my case. It is a self-esteem issue - you want to make a difference for those around you, and when you can't, you feel a total failure.
I have found the best antidote to be talking things through. Fortunately I am able to share my vulnerabilities with my wonderful wife and my family. We also argue between us - that is healthy in my view.
I remember a friend who's marriage broke up - they seemed so happy - on the surface. When we chatted a while later he said that they never argued, or had a cross word between them. Clearly things simmered away under the surface until it reached breaking point.
I wonder whether poor Gary Speed was boxed in by his own niceness and he wasn't able to share his vulnerable side to anyone until it was too late?
i also unfortuantly have experience or knowelge or whatever on this subject. i'm pretty terrible talking to people about it. i do that because it can make it difficult to then try and be what you call normal, a laugh, i guess, in front of others who know. it also plagues me when i tell people to much of my problems, even to people who are very close to me. as if i'm showing them a weekeness of charactor. i feel guilty about telling others, i dont want to burden them. what doesent help is other family members who have also got mental illnesses. so i try to be stong for them. one has gone down the doctor route and has improved. so i do suggest that, just in case it works for you or those you know around you who are struggling with depression. it is hard to explain to others how you feel. hard to explain that your brain is your worst enemy. it wont let you rest. it will grab hold of anything, any thoughts and it will cripple you with them. trying to undermine every aspect of your life. i'm sorry for those who have lost loved ones because of it.
Top post and may I say reading this, one of the saddest threads, its a credit to all you who have given thoughtful heart felt posts. I doubt very much a thread like this could/would happen on other football fans forums.
For the record, I am another with unfortunately long personal experience of the topics covered in this post. It does not come as a surprise to me that so many of us have these stories to tell. Mental illness in all it's forms affects something like one in four people personally, so that's just about all of us by association. Talking about it helps those affected and reduces the historical stigma attached to it.
I for one would like to thank Admin for allowing this thread to run, it has been immaculately respected as a you would expect.
No problem. Watched it closely yesterday as I was worried it might go the wrong way. I should have hD more faith. Thanks all.
I'm sure I've mentioned on here before that my best friend as a kid was murdered by his dad (along with his mum and brother) before his dad killed himself. It still troubles me not just that it.was very fortunate that it wasn't ne that discovered the.bodies, but also the change in thought process that could occur in someone normal with a normal life and a normal family. Mental illness is such a vast, varied and utterly sad affliction, every incident needs to be looked at in isolation because no two test cases are ever the same.
A couple of very good friends have also lost parents to suicide. Reading this thread, I genuinely didn't realise how many people have been affected by this illness.
Only people that have been there can know what his head was like. Somebody in family did the same about 6 or 7 years ago and depression is like tunnel vision, you cannot comprehend that you are important or that people will actually mourn your passing. It is a big step to take your life but to some it is only a logical next step or the only course of action open to them.
Having said all that I do feel he should have opened up to someone and that it is those that are left behind who are now suffering. GS seemed like a top bloke and I waqs shocked to here about his death but now my thoughts are with his kids
I for one would like to thank Admin for allowing this thread to run, it has been immaculately respected as a you would expect.
No problem. Watched it closely yesterday as I was worried it might go the wrong way. I should have had more faith. Thanks all.
I'm sure I've mentioned on here before that my best friend as a kid was murdered by his dad (along with his mum and brother) before his dad killed himself. It still troubles me not just that it.was very fortunate that it wasn't me that discovered the bodies, but also the change in thought process that could occur in someone normal with a normal life and a normal family. Mental illness is such a vast, varied and utterly sad affliction, every incident needs to be looked at in isolation because no two test cases are ever the same.
A couple of very good friends have also lost parents to suicide. Reading this thread, I genuinely didn't realise how many people have been affected by this illness.
As posted a couple of weeks ago, my old man ended it all after suffering with depession added with Andy Norman spreading false allegations against his name (that were proved to be false). Norman knew he wasn't well mentally at that point, just a nasty piece of work.
I was only 8 at the time so have no real recollection of the circumstances, all i remember is sitting down eating chips and then my mum coming through the front door in absolute pieces. I always feel for my eldest brother who was 15 at the time, a horrible age for something like that. I am the youngest of 4.
I have not thankfully experienced this within my extended family. But i do not think anyone can judge people who take this way out, they are obviously in a terrible place and feel that there is no other option. Nice that this has ran, mental illness must be terrible for those affected either directly or indirectly. Hopefully Gary Speed's death will result in increased awareness of the issue
I live with this, 24 hours at a time. I get up and hopefully survive the pain until it is time to go to sleep again. I spent the last few hours trying to explain how I feel on here but not being able to hit the "Post Comment" button. I am too tired so let me just say, God bless all who live and die in pain, physical or mental.
Soapy, I think you'll find a lot of people on here know exactly where you're coming from. You don't have to share if you find it difficult - but you're welcome to, and people will read with respect. If there's one thing good that's come from this, it's that this thread has shown people on this forum to be thoroughly decent, sympathetic and empathetic. For all the stupid arguments, name calling and wind ups that irritate me about it, I'm today feeling proud to be a member of this board.
Some heartfelt posts here, I can fully understand how people can be pushed to the edge in dark days, only a small handful of people know this but in the last 10 years I have been treated for depression, and on at least two dark daek occaisions I have contemplated finishing it all, I got treatment because a colleague at work recognised the signs, who knows what would have happened, the one thing that always stopped me was the thought of what it could do to my son. Now following treatment I can recognise the signs of a something looming and take steps to head it off, not every one can do that.
Please dont judge Gary Speed, in dark days your deepest thoughts can be so dark,and its a lonley place.
Last night on X Factor they showed the story of three brothers who had degenerative muscular dystrophy. They are playing a waiting game, with the quality of their life getting slowly worse as time goes on. There are many of us who would have sympathy if they asked someone to assist them in ending their lives early.
The challenge with any type of mental illness is that it's often an invisible one - it's much harder to empathise with someone who takes their own life when you can't see how their disease is affecting them.
I don't blame people for not understanding it, I think in truth you have to have wrestled with the black dog to truly grasp what it means. My depression started with guilt over a friend's suicide attempt. I'm very fortunate to have survived it and the complex issues that were underlying have long been dealt with and I've learned to spot warning signs if I feel I'm heading back down the same path.
Yesterday I made a glib comment about how surprising it was that no-one seemed to know Speed might have been suffering a mental illness, blindly accepting the suggestions that there must have been an event that prompted it. I regret that today because I know from my own experience just how wrong that assumption is. Mental illness is no respector of person, it can grab anyone, even those who have everything to live for, and it's hard for anyone other than the individual suffering to rationalise what's going on.
I think this thread is fantastic. Lots of people being open and honest about what they know, and that includes those who are bravely saying 'I really don't know much about this.' I would encourage anyone to find out as much as they can, because depression affects more people than you'd ever realise and one day we might all come to value that extra little bit of understanding we've garnered.
RIP Gary Speed. A magnificent footballer and an extraordinarily popular man. A terrible terrible loss.
Comments
Someone who is pretty close to me but not blood relative, once described me as the closest thing he has to a father now his own father is dead, suffered from depression for a number of years and tried to commit suicide by taking a load of tablets (paracetamol I think). he lay on his bed and started to fall asleep, and then his cat jumped on his chest and started licking his face, suddenly he decided he did not want to die and manged to get up and force him self down the road and end up in lewisham hospital. that was a few years ago now and he has just got a new cat.
Still suffers from depression but at the moment is coping, with his cats!
All those incidents led you to where you are today, change anyone of them and your life could have taken a different direction.
I honestly believe that I would not change anything that has happened in my life, because of what I have now. Now obviously my dad died in that as part of that, but I would give my life for children to have what I have now. So I think his life was not wasted, I think he would be rightly proud of his family if were here today.
i also unfortuantly have experience or knowelge or whatever on this subject. i'm pretty terrible talking to people about it. i do that because it can make it difficult to then try and be what you call normal, a laugh, i guess, in front of others who know. it also plagues me when i tell people to much of my problems, even to people who are very close to me. as if i'm showing them a weekeness of charactor. i feel guilty about telling others, i dont want to burden them.
what doesent help is other family members who have also got mental illnesses. so i try to be stong for them. one has gone down the doctor route and has improved. so i do suggest that, just in case it works for you or those you know around you who are struggling with depression.
it is hard to explain to others how you feel. hard to explain that your brain is your worst enemy. it wont let you rest. it will grab hold of anything, any thoughts and it will cripple you with them. trying to undermine every aspect of your life.
i'm sorry for those who have lost loved ones because of it.
That post made me slightly tearful because it perfectly describes a thought process I went through a few years ago. A friend literally saved me that day and I still can't 100% explain why or how I got into that situation. I've never really spoken to anyone about it, mainly due to embarrassment but still have thoughts and periods in life that are quite 'scary', I think it's just something I have to live with and hope I never get that low again.
That should read:
I would give my life for my Children to have what I have now.
You quoted before I realised ; )
I'd like to give each and everyone of you a hug. Especially you dazzler. You deserve it. You have done well and your mum would be proud of you. X x
this thread to run, it has been immaculately respected as a you would expect.
I have suffered extreme stress in my life and have coped with it in several ways but never have I thought about suicide. I had an old friend who hung himself in a woods for no apperent reason apart from financial ones ( he left no note) and it still bemuses me today why he killed himself over money .
I work as an engineer on the east coast railway and its a monthly occurrence that someone throws themselves under one of our trains.
Some People I work with think it's extremely selfish . It affects the drivers , to the point that many never recover from the stress of hitting a Person at 125 miles an hour and what happens to a body when a 80 tons of steel hit it.
Others , like me , see the bigger picture. Nobody knows what makes a person end their life. Especially when they have children , but one thing is for sure , they don't deserve to be called selfish.
RIP. Gary Speed
Can take alot to do so.
I have suffered from depression for a while now. I am fortunate that I have not yet fallen into total despair but I have found myself sometimes as such a low ebb as to have at least gone through a thought process surrounding me taking my own life.
Len said some very profound things about the nature of those who tend to give so much that they don't have anything left for themselves. That is very true in my case. It is a self-esteem issue - you want to make a difference for those around you, and when you can't, you feel a total failure.
I have found the best antidote to be talking things through. Fortunately I am able to share my vulnerabilities with my wonderful wife and my family. We also argue between us - that is healthy in my view.
I remember a friend who's marriage broke up - they seemed so happy - on the surface. When we chatted a while later he said that they never argued, or had a cross word between them. Clearly things simmered away under the surface until it reached breaking point.
I wonder whether poor Gary Speed was boxed in by his own niceness and he wasn't able to share his vulnerable side to anyone until it was too late?
I'm sure I've mentioned on here before that my best friend as a kid was murdered by his dad (along with his mum and brother) before his dad killed himself. It still troubles me not just that it.was very fortunate that it wasn't ne that discovered the.bodies, but also the change in thought process that could occur in someone normal with a normal life and a normal family. Mental illness is such a vast, varied and utterly sad affliction, every incident needs to be looked at in isolation because no two test cases are ever the same.
A couple of very good friends have also lost parents to suicide. Reading this thread, I genuinely didn't realise how many people have been affected by this illness.
Only people that have been there can know what his head was like. Somebody in family did the same about 6 or 7 years ago and depression is like tunnel vision, you cannot comprehend that you are important or that people will actually mourn your passing. It is a big step to take your life but to some it is only a logical next step or the only course of action open to them.
Having said all that I do feel he should have opened up to someone and that it is those that are left behind who are now suffering. GS seemed like a top bloke and I waqs shocked to here about his death but now my thoughts are with his kids
I'm sure I've mentioned on here before that my best friend as a kid was murdered by his dad (along with his mum and brother) before his dad killed himself. It still troubles me not just that it.was very fortunate that it wasn't me that discovered the bodies, but also the change in thought process that could occur in someone normal with a normal life and a normal family. Mental illness is such a vast, varied and utterly sad affliction, every incident needs to be looked at in isolation because no two test cases are ever the same.
A couple of very good friends have also lost parents to suicide. Reading this thread, I genuinely didn't realise how many people have been affected by this illness.
As posted a couple of weeks ago, my old man ended it all after suffering with depession added with Andy Norman spreading false allegations against his name (that were proved to be false). Norman knew he wasn't well mentally at that point, just a nasty piece of work.
I was only 8 at the time so have no real recollection of the circumstances, all i remember is sitting down eating chips and then my mum coming through the front door in absolute pieces. I always feel for my eldest brother who was 15 at the time, a horrible age for something like that. I am the youngest of 4.
I have not thankfully experienced this within my extended family. But i do not think anyone can judge people who take this way out, they are obviously in a terrible place and feel that there is no other option. Nice that this has ran, mental illness must be terrible for those affected either directly or indirectly. Hopefully Gary Speed's death will result in increased awareness of the issue
I live with this, 24 hours at a time. I get up and hopefully survive the pain until it is time to go to sleep again. I spent the last few hours trying to explain how I feel on here but not being able to hit the "Post Comment" button. I am too tired so let me just say, God bless all who live and die in pain, physical or mental.
If there's one thing good that's come from this, it's that this thread has shown people on this forum to be thoroughly decent, sympathetic and empathetic.
For all the stupid arguments, name calling and wind ups that irritate me about it, I'm today feeling proud to be a member of this board.
Some heartfelt posts here, I can fully understand how people can be pushed to the edge in dark days, only a small handful of people know this but in the last 10 years I have been treated for depression, and on at least two dark daek occaisions I have contemplated finishing it all, I got treatment because a colleague at work recognised the signs, who knows what would have happened, the one thing that always stopped me was the thought of what it could do to my son. Now following treatment I can recognise the signs of a something looming and take steps to head it off, not every one can do that.
Please dont judge Gary Speed, in dark days your deepest thoughts can be so dark,and its a lonley place.
Would so many people have stories like these if we were discussing it a hundred years ago?