Pope Francis was recently finished his sermon. He ended it with the Latin phrase, "Tuti Homini" - Blessed be Mankind.
A Woman's Rights Group approached the Pope the next day. They noticed that the Pope blessed all Mankind, but not Womankind.
So the next day, after his sermon, the Pope concluded by saying, "Tuti Homini, et Tuti Femini" - Blessed be Mankind and Womankind.
The day after, a Gay Rights Group approached the Pope. They said that they noticed that he blessed Mankind and Womankind and asked if he could also bless gay people. The Pope said, "Sure."
The next day the Pope concluded his sermon with, "Tuti Homini, et Tuti Femini, et Tuti Fruiti."
Pope Francis was recently finished his sermon. He ended it with the Latin phrase, "Tuti Homini" - Blessed be Mankind.
A Woman's Rights Group approached the Pope the next day. They noticed that the Pope blessed all Mankind, but not Womankind.
So the next day, after his sermon, the Pope concluded by saying, "Tuti Homini, et Tuti Femini" - Blessed be Mankind and Womankind.
The day after, a Gay Rights Group approached the Pope. They said that they noticed that he blessed Mankind and Womankind and asked if he could also bless gay people. The Pope said, "Sure."
The next day the Pope concluded his sermon with, "Tuti Homini, et Tuti Femini, et Tuti Fruiti."
David Moyes celebrates 10 years as manager of Everton FC. His achievements: FA Cup losers (2008), worst ever away defeat in their history 0-7 v Arsenal(2005), 1-2 FA Cup defeat to Shrewsbury (2004) who at the time sat 92nd in the football league. Worst ever points total (33) in top flight in their history(2004), worst ever goals scored total(34) in their history(2003). In his 10 year reign Moyes has NEVER won a league match at Anfield, Old Trafford, Stamford Bridge or Highbury/Emirates.
Here's to the next 10 years with Moyes at Old Trafford
She’s a big woman my Mother in law, I’ve asked her to go on a diet, her ideal weight would be about 2.3lb including the urn.
She was knocked over by a bus last week, the driver said he could have got around her but didn’t have enough fuel.
I went up to the hospital to see her, the nurses came out to meet me looking a bit sheepish, the junior nurse said “I’m a afraid I have to tell you that she passed away in the night.” The ward Sister said “we can make some arrangements for you, you can have her embalmed, cremated or buried.” I said I’m taking no chances I’ll have all three.
If I missed her I’d just reload and have another shot.
I bought her a chair for Christmas but the wife wont let me plug it in.
The doorbell rang the other day it was the Mother in Law, she said to me “can I stay here for a few days?” I said “Of course you can my love” and shut the door quickly.
She’s been coming round for Christmas dinner for six years on the trot but, this year the wife says she’s going to let her in.
I found a genie’s lamp and when I rubbed it a genie appeared and granted me two wishes but said that anything I got the wife got double. I thought about it a bit and asked for one million pounds for my first wish and for my second wish I want to be beaten half to death.
A police recruit was asked at interview “what would you do if you had to arrest your Mother in Law?” The recruit replied “call for backup!”
People learn something new everyday, just today my wife learned that a car cant climb up telephone poles.
I bought my wife a burial plot a few years back and then the next year she complained when I never bought her anything, I said to her “you never used your last present!”
I said to my Wife that I’d make her the happiest woman in the world, she said she’d miss me.
She’s a big woman my Mother in law, I’ve asked her to go on a diet, her ideal weight would be about 2.3lb including the urn.
She was knocked over by a bus last week, the driver said he could have got around her but didn’t have enough fuel.
I went up to the hospital to see her, the nurses came out to meet me looking a bit sheepish, the junior nurse said “I’m a afraid I have to tell you that she passed away in the night.” The ward Sister said “we can make some arrangements for you, you can have her embalmed, cremated or buried.” I said I’m taking no chances I’ll have all three.
If I missed her I’d just reload and have another shot.
I bought her a chair for Christmas but the wife wont let me plug it in.
The doorbell rang the other day it was the Mother in Law, she said to me “can I stay here for a few days?” I said “Of course you can my love” and shut the door quickly.
She’s been coming round for Christmas dinner for six years on the trot but, this year the wife says she’s going to let her in.
I found a genie’s lamp and when I rubbed it a genie appeared and granted me two wishes but said that anything I got the wife got double. I thought about it a bit and asked for one million pounds for my first wish and for my second wish I want to be beaten half to death.
A police recruit was asked at interview “what would you do if you had to arrest your Mother in Law?” The recruit replied “call for backup!”
People learn something new everyday, just today my wife learned that a car cant climb up telephone poles.
I bought my wife a burial plot a few years back and then the next year she complained when I never bought her anything, I said to her “you never used your last present!”
I said to my Wife that I’d make her the happiest woman in the world, she said she’d miss me.
She’s a big woman my Mother in law, I’ve asked her to go on a diet, her ideal weight would be about 2.3lb including the urn.
She was knocked over by a bus last week, the driver said he could have got around her but didn’t have enough fuel.
I went up to the hospital to see her, the nurses came out to meet me looking a bit sheepish, the junior nurse said “I’m a afraid I have to tell you that she passed away in the night.” The ward Sister said “we can make some arrangements for you, you can have her embalmed, cremated or buried.” I said I’m taking no chances I’ll have all three.
If I missed her I’d just reload and have another shot.
I bought her a chair for Christmas but the wife wont let me plug it in.
The doorbell rang the other day it was the Mother in Law, she said to me “can I stay here for a few days?” I said “Of course you can my love” and shut the door quickly.
She’s been coming round for Christmas dinner for six years on the trot but, this year the wife says she’s going to let her in.
I found a genie’s lamp and when I rubbed it a genie appeared and granted me two wishes but said that anything I got the wife got double. I thought about it a bit and asked for one million pounds for my first wish and for my second wish I want to be beaten half to death.
A police recruit was asked at interview “what would you do if you had to arrest your Mother in Law?” The recruit replied “call for backup!”
People learn something new everyday, just today my wife learned that a car cant climb up telephone poles.
I bought my wife a burial plot a few years back and then the next year she complained when I never bought her anything, I said to her “you never used your last present!”
I said to my Wife that I’d make her the happiest woman in the world, she said she’d miss me.
She’s a big woman my Mother in law, I’ve asked her to go on a diet, her ideal weight would be about 2.3lb including the urn.
She was knocked over by a bus last week, the driver said he could have got around her but didn’t have enough fuel.
I went up to the hospital to see her, the nurses came out to meet me looking a bit sheepish, the junior nurse said “I’m a afraid I have to tell you that she passed away in the night.” The ward Sister said “we can make some arrangements for you, you can have her embalmed, cremated or buried.” I said I’m taking no chances I’ll have all three.
If I missed her I’d just reload and have another shot.
I bought her a chair for Christmas but the wife wont let me plug it in.
The doorbell rang the other day it was the Mother in Law, she said to me “can I stay here for a few days?” I said “Of course you can my love” and shut the door quickly.
She’s been coming round for Christmas dinner for six years on the trot but, this year the wife says she’s going to let her in.
I found a genie’s lamp and when I rubbed it a genie appeared and granted me two wishes but said that anything I got the wife got double. I thought about it a bit and asked for one million pounds for my first wish and for my second wish I want to be beaten half to death.
A police recruit was asked at interview “what would you do if you had to arrest your Mother in Law?” The recruit replied “call for backup!”
People learn something new everyday, just today my wife learned that a car cant climb up telephone poles.
I bought my wife a burial plot a few years back and then the next year she complained when I never bought her anything, I said to her “you never used your last present!”
I said to my Wife that I’d make her the happiest woman in the world, she said she’d miss me.
My mother in law said to me "I hope I get to dance on your grave" "so do I" I replied, "I'm going to be buried at sea"
Comments
A Woman's Rights Group approached the Pope the next day. They noticed that the Pope blessed all Mankind, but not Womankind.
So the next day, after his sermon, the Pope concluded by saying, "Tuti Homini, et Tuti Femini" - Blessed be Mankind and Womankind.
The day after, a Gay Rights Group approached the Pope. They said that they noticed that he blessed Mankind and Womankind and asked if he could also bless gay people.
The Pope said, "Sure."
The next day the Pope concluded his sermon with, "Tuti Homini, et Tuti Femini, et Tuti Fruiti."
"Eleven," I replied.
"Wow! You must be a player," she laughed.
"No," I said, "I'm their coach."
She remained expressionless as sentence was passed
Just need help getting it off the ground.
We took the A4.
Nothing, you still can't avoid the sack.
It reminds me of why there is no f*cking money in there.
... that's OK, I've got some cream to put on that
Mickey replies ' That's not what I meant when I said she was fucking Goofy'.
Old Trafford, Stamford Bridge or Highbury/Emirates.
Here's to the next 10 years with Moyes at Old Trafford
At 800 feet he sees a bloke hurtling up towards him.
'Know anything about parachutes' he yells to the bloke.
'No, do you know anything about gas cookers?' he replies.
She was knocked over by a bus last week, the driver said he could have got around her but didn’t have enough fuel.
I went up to the hospital to see her, the nurses came out to meet me looking a bit sheepish, the junior nurse said “I’m a afraid I have to tell you that she passed away in the night.” The ward Sister said “we can make some arrangements for you, you can have her embalmed, cremated or buried.” I said I’m taking no chances I’ll have all three.
If I missed her I’d just reload and have another shot.
I bought her a chair for Christmas but the wife wont let me plug it in.
The doorbell rang the other day it was the Mother in Law, she said to me “can I stay here for a few days?” I said “Of course you can my love” and shut the door quickly.
She’s been coming round for Christmas dinner for six years on the trot but, this year the wife says she’s going to let her in.
I found a genie’s lamp and when I rubbed it a genie appeared and granted me two wishes but said that anything I got the wife got double. I thought about it a bit and asked for one million pounds for my first wish and for my second wish I want to be beaten half to death.
A police recruit was asked at interview “what would you do if you had to arrest your Mother in Law?” The recruit replied “call for backup!”
People learn something new everyday, just today my wife learned that a car cant climb up telephone poles.
I bought my wife a burial plot a few years back and then the next year she complained when I never bought her anything, I said to her “you never used your last present!”
I said to my Wife that I’d make her the happiest woman in the world, she said she’d miss me.