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  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 16,011
    edited January 3
    Not a joke as such but it made me chortle. .

     It was funny living in Italy, whenever I went to a bar where they didn't know me and ordered a coffee, they'd ask "Americano?" I'd reply "No, I'm Danish"  That was enough to confuse the baristi.
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 16,011
    A horse walks into a pub and the bartender, considering all the pubs the horse frequents, asks it if it's an alcoholic.  The horse replies "I don't think I am".  POOF!  The horse disappears.

    It's at this point that philosophy students start to giggle, being, as they are, familiar with the philosophical proposition cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefor I am.

    To make the story accessible to everyone by explaining this concept before the punchline, would, of course, be putting Descartes before the horse.
  • Stig
    Stig Posts: 29,386
    AddicksAddict said:
    A horse walks into a pub and the bartender, considering all the pubs the horse frequents, asks it if it's an alcoholic.  The horse replies "I don't think I am".  POOF!  The horse disappears.

    It's at this point that philosophy students start to giggle, being, as they are, familiar with the philosophical proposition cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefor I am.

    To make the story accessible to everyone by explaining this concept before the punchline, would, of course, be putting Descartes before the horse.
    https://youtu.be/LukyMYp2noo
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 16,011
    Trump‘s nothing like Hitler.

    There’s no way he could write a book.
  • gringo
    gringo Posts: 753
    AddicksAddict said:
    Trump‘s nothing like Hitler.

    There’s no way he could write read a book.
    amended on your behalf.
  • Taxi_Lad
    Taxi_Lad Posts: 3,824
    I’m utterly useless at dwarf impressions but hey ho !
  • R0TW
    R0TW Posts: 1,803
    edited January 7
    I had a Morrisons delivery this afternoon, the driver said, " I've got a couple of substitutions for you, here's your rosemary and haddock".
    I said, "this is neither the thyme or the plaice".
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 16,011

  • Taxi_Lad
    Taxi_Lad Posts: 3,824
    Crystal Palace have called for an immediate replay against Macclesfield Town in the FA Cup because one of the plumbers in midfield
    Isn't Gas safe registered.
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 16,011


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  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 16,011
    Elvis Presley's coffin was made of oak and took three weeks to construct.

    John Lennon's coffin?  Ten days, from pine?

    Gene Pitney's 24 hours, from balsa....
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 16,011

  • _MrDick
    _MrDick Posts: 13,155
    My car wouldn't start this morning.
    I looked under the bonnet and saw a bat sitting on the engine block. 
    He said: "Good day to you Sir, and might I remark how splendidly handsome you look today?"
    I knew the problem straight away:
    bat flattery…..
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 16,011
    Warning on Facebook for the US not to invade Greenland: “Also, you go after Greenland and end up on Denmarks bad side, no more Lego.
    Just sayin'...”. 
  • blackpool72
    blackpool72 Posts: 23,978
    Paddy gets arrested for beating his wife. 

    The judge says why do you keep beating her.

    Paddy replies 
    I think it's my weight advantage,  longer reach and superior footwork. 

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