Why is he being celebrated for lying for 27 years of marriage, wasting a big chunk of his wife's life and living a lie? Nothing brave about that at all.
My post that I have edited was along these lines.
I don't understand the celebration of all these years lying. However it may help other people come out that have been struggling with their lifelong lies.
I suppose it's for the best and it seems he's working through it with those that are affected directly.
It's neither brave to come out and it wasn't selfish to force himself to live a lie to keep a happy family.
It strikes me as a little bit selfish, Nothing to do with his sexuality, i'd feel the same if he was in his late 50s and in a gay relationship for 27 years with children and come out as straight.
I am not up with current sexual politics and terminology as an old git and Mr Schofield's bedroom habits are of no interest to me other than raising a bigger topic.
How can somebody be gay if they have given birth to or fathered children naturally conceived? I understand that they could be bisexual if they are also attracted to their own sex as well as the opposite but my understanding of the sexual meaning of the word 'gay' is an exclusive attraction to one's own sex.
@SoundAsa£ made a similar point and is another old git like me.
Perhaps one of you 'right on' youngsters can explain how he is gay and not bisexual as it does not make logical sense to me.
I don't think people get to label others sexuality in this modern 'woke' world. However people are allowed to label their sexuality themselves.
I agree he does seem to me to be a bisexual man, there's no shame either way. He's not in charge of it, it simply is just who he finds attractive.
As none of us are married to him or otherwise affected by this 'revelation', who gives a toss?
I think it’s very sad that people still feel the need to hide their sexuality and live what must be a very difficult and frustrating life. Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone felt comfortable to be whatever they want without the scrutiny and judgement of society. Clearly that’s still not the case. Rights for LGBT have advanced incredibly over the last few years but until this is a completely non subject we are not where we need to be.
But who has he been hiding his sexuality from?
It might have been fairly recent that he realised he was gay. And it's not as if it would make much difference to how much TV work he'd get, considering how much work the likes of Graham Norton, Rylan, Judge Rinder, Alan Carr, Sue Perkins, Clare Balding etc get, and all on mainstream TV too
He only recently realised he was gay ?
I've never heard of that before, every gay person I've heard speak on the matter have known from either young childhood or teenage years at the latest.
I'm happy to be corrected.
Anyway, he implied that his wife Steph has always known, as "we've never had any secrets".
I've spoken to some gay people who've said they discovered their sexuality in later life - it's possible some of them knew from a much younger age but find it hard to admit. The world has changed massively over the last 20 to 30 years which hopefully enables people to accept themselves and be accepted by othets.
exactly hoof it.
I used to like Man Utd I then started going Charlton and liked both
we got promoted to div one and when Mark Stuart scored at Old Trafford I realised I liked Charlton more.
Is there something you want to tell us. It’s ok. We’re all friends here 😉
Why is he being celebrated for lying for 27 years of marriage, wasting a big chunk of his wife's life and living a lie? Nothing brave about that at all.
But we don’t know any of that. How can you say he’s wasted 27 years of his wife’s life ? He says she’s always known. They seem happy and he has two grown up daughters who I presume love him to bits.
I've known it for years. To me, it's seemed very obvious, from about the time he played Joseph on stage in the West End. It was very clear to everyone who saw him. I just thought it was common knowledge.
He obviously wasn't when he was younger. But, all of a sudden, around the time he first started showing an interest in musical theatre, it was obvious to anyone that looked at him, that he'd changed in that way. For years, he could have hidden it, but he didn't ever seem to make any effort to do so.
As for his wife, she must have known. For years. I wouldn't know whether they had discussed it with each other, but it had to have been something that she was aware of. Everyone else could tell.
Then, when he made his announcement today, I was incredulous. I mean, first, everyone surely knew all along. And second, who cares? These days, you can just keep it covered up or you should let everyone see for themselves what you really are.
It happens to most people, as they get older. I am lucky that it hasn't happened to me yet. But I am sure it will in a few years' time. And there are lots of people in public life who have changed in the same way. Some try to cover it up (like Duncan James from Blue) and some embrace it proudly (like Lee Bowyer).
But I am glad that he's finally - after all these years - had the courage to front up to his public and declare, loud and proud, that "I am grey".
Wait, what..?
Bloody hell, thought you were taking about yourself.
If I've learned anything from this, it's to continue to read posts that are longer than 15 words.
I mean really, who the feck cares what you get up to or how you want to be labelled?
If it were that easy to come out we'd have had any number of English pro footballers that would have done so by now
Or maybe there are incredibly few gay sportsmen?
After all once retired, why wouldn't a gay footballer then come out, especially if they weren't coaching any more (if they were worried about the dressing room)?
I can't believe you think that. Perhaps 10% of the population are gay, except gay sportsmen who are incredibly few ?
It's more like 5%, and it doesn't follow that this is evenly spread amongst all profession. I imagine that amongst actors, singers, dancers etc it's much higher than average
I am not up with current sexual politics and terminology as an old git and Mr Schofield's bedroom habits are of no interest to me other than raising a bigger topic.
How can somebody be gay if they have given birth to or fathered children naturally conceived? I understand that they could be bisexual if they are also attracted to their own sex as well as the opposite but my understanding of the sexual meaning of the word 'gay' is an exclusive attraction to one's own sex.
@SoundAsa£ made a similar point and is another old git like me.
Perhaps one of you 'right on' youngsters can explain how he is gay and not bisexual as it does not make logical sense to me.
Well it could well be that 27 years ago before having children that he thought that that was the life he was expected and perhaps even wanted to follow. Denial perhaps. Perhaps he is bi but it’s also possible that he’s purely homosexual and lived the life of a happy family man because that’s what life expected of him.
It strikes me as a little bit selfish, Nothing to do with his sexuality, i'd feel the same if he was in his late 50s and in a gay relationship for 27 years with children and come out as straight.
That's absurd, maybe his lies were bringing about depression etc. Needing to clarify something to stop lying to loved ones is not selfish.
It was selfish to lie in the first place sure, it could be argued it was selfish to continue the lie when his wife became pregnant.
Since then he has been completely unselfish to provide as a father and to maintain an image until his children were able to understand his coming out. I am listening to LBC now, he and his family have been aware for "quite some time".
Quite a lot, if not most gay men have had heterosexual sex/encounters before, just like some straight men have had homosexual encounters. Society creates pressures and sexualities can change over time. It's like i once wanted to have sex with 16 year old girls when i was 16. Now I don't.
I mean really, who the feck cares what you get up to or how you want to be labelled?
If it were that easy to come out we'd have had any number of English pro footballers that would have done so by now
Or maybe there are incredibly few gay sportsmen?
After all once retired, why wouldn't a gay footballer then come out, especially if they weren't coaching any more (if they were worried about the dressing room)?
They might be only a few but I think it's safe to say that there is at least one gay English footballer - but the fear of abuse from the opposition fans and players plus a worry that there will be a general non acceptance. Perhaps they don't want to be that target or seen as "different".
Both Justin Fashanu and far more recently Thomas Hitlzsperger came out after they retired. The rugby player, Gareth Thomas, did so a matter of months before he retired but, perhaps, the bravest to do so was he cricketer Steven Davies who did so when he was in his prime at 25.
Once a high profile English player does do so whilst playing I'm sure that others will follow. But it will take that one.
That's 2 footballers, 1 (about to retire) rugby player and 1 current cricketer. Out of all the current and former players within these sports, a tiny number
Steven Davies received total support within the game, and it quickly became a complete non issue.
In an era when people can be incredibly open with all sorts of previously taboo issues such as mental health, and are accepted and supported - I'd be amazed if there were many gay players in this country too afraid to come out, especially when they retire.
Following Schofield's revelation, I expect that the son of Graham Carr, the former footballer, manager and scout will now finally come out.
And when he does I'm sure it will please his Dad no end to learn that Alan has at last let the world know that he, too, has been living a life of pretence and admit that he can actually play football after all.
Well I have to say I’m flabbergasted by this news. I haven’t been this shocked since I found out Jimmy Saville was a paedophile.
Glad he finally feels able to be open about it, but I just struggle with the idea of this being news anymore. Does anyone, these days, really give a shit what someone’s sexuality is? And if there are people who do, shouldn’t we be marginalising them, rather than still behaving like the gay guy is the weird one?
Surely, if we want to completely normalize non-heterosexual sexualities, when someone comes out as gay (or whatever else) which I understand can be still hugely significant for that individual, we need to start reacting more like “oh, okay that’s cool, but it really doesn’t matter either way” and get on with our days and less “oh my god! Extra, extra, read all about it!!!”.
Quite a lot, if not most gay men have had heterosexual sex/encounters before, just like some straight men have had homosexual encounters. Society creates pressures and sexualities can change over time. It's like i once wanted to have sex with 16 year old girls when i was 16. Now I don't.
That's because they were of a similar age to you. As you grow older your preferences may change, your sexuality most likely will remain the same.
I mean really, who the feck cares what you get up to or how you want to be labelled?
If it were that easy to come out we'd have had any number of English pro footballers that would have done so by now
Or maybe there are incredibly few gay sportsmen?
After all once retired, why wouldn't a gay footballer then come out, especially if they weren't coaching any more (if they were worried about the dressing room)?
They might be only a few but I think it's safe to say that there is at least one gay English footballer - but the fear of abuse from the opposition fans and players plus a worry that there will be a general non acceptance. Perhaps they don't want to be that target or seen as "different".
Both Justin Fashanu and far more recently Thomas Hitlzsperger came out after they retired. The rugby player, Gareth Thomas, did so a matter of months before he retired but, perhaps, the bravest to do so was he cricketer Steven Davies who did so when he was in his prime at 25.
Once a high profile English player does do so whilst playing I'm sure that others will follow. But it will take that one.
That's 2 footballers, 1 (about to retire) rugby player and 1 current cricketer. Out of all the current and former players within these sports, a tiny number
Steven Davies received total support within the game, and it quickly became a complete non issue.
In an era when people can be incredibly open with all sorts of previously taboo issues such as mental health, and are accepted and supported - I'd be amazed if there were many gay players in this country too afraid to come out, especially when they retire.
Rob Kearney of World's Strongest Man, is openly gay in one of the most testosterone charged sports there is. He is an American that sports a rainbow mohawk his husband attends every event.
Funny that most people aren't even aware of his sexuality... Because he is openly gay he doesn't feel the need to draw attention to it unless people heckle. He just gets on with his sport. (That is if you ignore his Mohawk)
If people don't have to hide stuff for fear of being rejected or judged then we'll be in the right place. A long way to go in many communities and countries.
That is how I see it. It shouldn't be a big deal if somebody is Gay, Bi or Straight today. I can't see how it is so brave. It clearly won't have a negative effect on his career and nor should it. My point is, and I accept he has said his wife and kids are fine with it, but it suggests the family life he had, and they were part of was a sham. Maybe after 27 years it is something he could have kept to himself. And the only relevance this has to his sexuality is the suggestion about his relationship with his wife.
The fact we have no gay out professional footballers in this country is a disgrace. It shames our sport as even if the percentages are lower and accepting many will deem their sexuality to be personal, there has to be a significant number of gay players and a fear of being gay in the football world. It is a case of the industry not be a welcoming place for gay players, and as fans we are part of that, whereas this is not really an issue in show business.
That is how I see it. It shouldn't be a big deal if somebody is Gay, Bi or Straight today. I can't see how it is so brave. It clearly won't have a negative effect on his career and nor should it. My point is, and I accept he has said his wife and kids are fine with it, but it suggests the family life he had, and they were part of was a sham. Maybe after 27 years it is something he could have kept to himself. And the only relevance this has to his sexuality is the suggestion about his relationship with his wife.
The fact we have no gay out professional footballers in this country is a disgrace. It shames our sport as even if the percentages are lower and accepting many will deem their sexuality to be personal, there has to be a significant number of gay players and a fear of being gay in the football world. It is a case of the industry not be a welcoming place for gay players, and as fans we are part of that, whereas this is not really an issue in show business.
Might be a minority in football who are bothered about homosexuality but obviously exert a considerable influence. Greg Clarke at Torquay Utd is the only openly gay player and from what I know has had relatively little abuse.
I am not up with current sexual politics and terminology as an old git and Mr Schofield's bedroom habits are of no interest to me other than raising a bigger topic.
How can somebody be gay if they have given birth to or fathered children naturally conceived? I understand that they could be bisexual if they are also attracted to their own sex as well as the opposite but my understanding of the sexual meaning of the word 'gay' is an exclusive attraction to one's own sex.
@SoundAsa£ made a similar point and is another old git like me.
Perhaps one of you 'right on' youngsters can explain how he is gay and not bisexual as it does not make logical sense to me.
Well it could well be that 27 years ago before having children that he thought that that was the life he was expected and perhaps even wanted to follow. Denial perhaps. Perhaps he is bi but it’s also possible that he’s purely homosexual and lived the life of a happy family man because that’s what life expected of him.
Since when have you been a 'right on' youngster?
To be serious I understand your social stigma point but, how can I put this, for a man to have a heterosexual encounter that leads to the birth of a child there must be sufficient attraction to enable him to rise to the occasion and'do the deed' surely? It's not something you can hide or lie about.
I mean really, who the feck cares what you get up to or how you want to be labelled?
If it were that easy to come out we'd have had any number of English pro footballers that would have done so by now
Or maybe there are incredibly few gay sportsmen?
After all once retired, why wouldn't a gay footballer then come out, especially if they weren't coaching any more (if they were worried about the dressing room)?
They might be only a few but I think it's safe to say that there is at least one gay English footballer - but the fear of abuse from the opposition fans and players plus a worry that there will be a general non acceptance. Perhaps they don't want to be that target or seen as "different".
Both Justin Fashanu and far more recently Thomas Hitlzsperger came out after they retired. The rugby player, Gareth Thomas, did so a matter of months before he retired but, perhaps, the bravest to do so was he cricketer Steven Davies who did so when he was in his prime at 25.
Once a high profile English player does do so whilst playing I'm sure that others will follow. But it will take that one.
That's 2 footballers, 1 (about to retire) rugby player and 1 current cricketer. Out of all the current and former players within these sports, a tiny number
Steven Davies received total support within the game, and it quickly became a complete non issue.
In an era when people can be incredibly open with all sorts of previously taboo issues such as mental health, and are accepted and supported - I'd be amazed if there were many gay players in this country too afraid to come out, especially when they retire.
The trouble is that football is different. We have enough issues with homophobia aimed at people and fans who aren't gay yet alone those that are. And that, I suspect, is why not one male footballer has been prepared to do so whilst playing.
Hitlzsperger didn't 'til he retired and he says exactly why here:
He had thought about coming out while still playing for Wolfsburg in 2011-12 but then listened to people who warned him of the negative consequences. "They all said 'don't do it, a big wave will crash on you'," he says. "But in the end I realised that nobody knows. There was no precedent, so everybody could only speculate on what would happen."
While Germany as a country has noticeably become more and more relaxed about homosexuality in recent years, he had also noted there was an unhelpful media obsession with finding the first gay footballer. All sorts of well-intended but ultimately unhelpful interventions from heterosexual players – who either opined that gay players would benefit from coming out or cautioned against it – did not exactly fill him with confidence that this was indeed the right step. The former international, who played in the 2006 World Cup and the 2008 European Championship, maintains that he did not have to lie about his sexuality and that team-mates eventually stopped asking about his lack of a girlfriend.
Hitzlsperger is under no illusion that football's attitudes will change overnight. On the day of his interview with the Guardian, the Paris St-Germain defender Alex, a former Chelsea player, insisted that "god created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Yves".
Hitzlsperger says: "You'll always have those guys, but it's sad that they don't think a little deeper about what they're saying. I feel sorry for them, really".
That is how I see it. It shouldn't be a big deal if somebody is Gay, Bi or Straight today. I can't see how it is so brave. It clearly won't have a negative effect on his career and nor should it. My point is, and I accept he has said his wife and kids are fine with it, but it suggests the family life he had, and they were part of was a sham. Maybe after 27 years it is something he could have kept to himself. And the only relevance this has to his sexuality is the suggestion about his relationship with his wife.
The fact we have no gay out professional footballers in this country is a disgrace. It shames our sport as even if the percentages are lower and accepting many will deem their sexuality to be personal, there has to be a significant number of gay players and a fear of being gay in the football world. It is a case of the industry not be a welcoming place for gay players, and as fans we are part of that, whereas this is not really an issue in show business.
Might be a minority in football who are bothered about homosexuality but obviously exert a considerable influence. Greg Clarke at Torquay Utd is the only openly gay player and from what I know has had relatively little abuse.
I am not up with current sexual politics and terminology as an old git and Mr Schofield's bedroom habits are of no interest to me other than raising a bigger topic.
How can somebody be gay if they have given birth to or fathered children naturally conceived? I understand that they could be bisexual if they are also attracted to their own sex as well as the opposite but my understanding of the sexual meaning of the word 'gay' is an exclusive attraction to one's own sex.
@SoundAsa£ made a similar point and is another old git like me.
Perhaps one of you 'right on' youngsters can explain how he is gay and not bisexual as it does not make logical sense to me.
Well it could well be that 27 years ago before having children that he thought that that was the life he was expected and perhaps even wanted to follow. Denial perhaps. Perhaps he is bi but it’s also possible that he’s purely homosexual and lived the life of a happy family man because that’s what life expected of him.
Since when have you been a 'right on' youngster?
To be serious I understand your social stigma point but, how can I put this, for a man to have a heterosexual encounter that leads to the birth of a child there must be sufficient attraction to enable him to rise to the occasion and'do the deed' surely? It's not something you can hide or lie about.
Hence my bisexual observation higher up.
I believe there are plenty of men (or women for that matter) that have 'managed' to have sexual encounters whilst not necessarily attracted to their partner?
Straight men pretending to be gay really is a thing too. My wife used to work in theatres and she told me that she was once unceremoniously thrown into a shop doorway by an actor she was going out with because a director was walking the other way and he didn't want said director 'thinking he was straight and unavailable'.
Comments
I don't understand the celebration of all these years lying. However it may help other people come out that have been struggling with their lifelong lies.
I suppose it's for the best and it seems he's working through it with those that are affected directly.
It's neither brave to come out and it wasn't selfish to force himself to live a lie to keep a happy family.
I agree he does seem to me to be a bisexual man, there's no shame either way. He's not in charge of it, it simply is just who he finds attractive.
If the mum knew, I cannot see any major issue. Maybe he is receiving too much credit, but at the same time I don't think he should be put down.
Bloody hell, thought you were taking about yourself.
If I've learned anything from this, it's to continue to read posts that are longer than 15 words.
It was selfish to lie in the first place sure, it could be argued it was selfish to continue the lie when his wife became pregnant.
Since then he has been completely unselfish to provide as a father and to maintain an image until his children were able to understand his coming out. I am listening to LBC now, he and his family have been aware for "quite some time".
Steven Davies received total support within the game, and it quickly became a complete non issue.
In an era when people can be incredibly open with all sorts of previously taboo issues such as mental health, and are accepted and supported - I'd be amazed if there were many gay players in this country too afraid to come out, especially when they retire.
And when he does I'm sure it will please his Dad no end to learn that Alan has at last let the world know that he, too, has been living a life of pretence and admit that he can actually play football after all.
Glad he finally feels able to be open about it, but I just struggle with the idea of this being news anymore. Does anyone, these days, really give a shit what someone’s sexuality is? And if there are people who do, shouldn’t we be marginalising them, rather than still behaving like the gay guy is the weird one?
Surely, if we want to completely normalize non-heterosexual sexualities, when someone comes out as gay (or whatever else) which I understand can be still hugely significant for that individual, we need to start reacting more like “oh, okay that’s cool, but it really doesn’t matter either way” and get on with our days and less “oh my god! Extra, extra, read all about it!!!”.
Sexuality is not a preference.
Funny that most people aren't even aware of his sexuality... Because he is openly gay he doesn't feel the need to draw attention to it unless people heckle. He just gets on with his sport. (That is if you ignore his Mohawk)
Great Joe Rogan podcast with Kearney.
Could have used something relevant like Freddy Mercury, George Michael, Elton John etc...
The fact we have no gay out professional footballers in this country is a disgrace. It shames our sport as even if the percentages are lower and accepting many will deem their sexuality to be personal, there has to be a significant number of gay players and a fear of being gay in the football world. It is a case of the industry not be a welcoming place for gay players, and as fans we are part of that, whereas this is not really an issue in show business.
To be serious I understand your social stigma point but, how can I put this, for a man to have a heterosexual encounter that leads to the birth of a child there must be sufficient attraction to enable him to rise to the occasion and'do the deed' surely? It's not something you can hide or lie about.
Hence my bisexual observation higher up.
Hitlzsperger didn't 'til he retired and he says exactly why here:
He had thought about coming out while still playing for Wolfsburg in 2011-12 but then listened to people who warned him of the negative consequences. "They all said 'don't do it, a big wave will crash on you'," he says. "But in the end I realised that nobody knows. There was no precedent, so everybody could only speculate on what would happen."
While Germany as a country has noticeably become more and more relaxed about homosexuality in recent years, he had also noted there was an unhelpful media obsession with finding the first gay footballer. All sorts of well-intended but ultimately unhelpful interventions from heterosexual players – who either opined that gay players would benefit from coming out or cautioned against it – did not exactly fill him with confidence that this was indeed the right step.
The former international, who played in the 2006 World Cup and the 2008 European Championship, maintains that he did not have to lie about his sexuality and that team-mates eventually stopped asking about his lack of a girlfriend.
Hitzlsperger is under no illusion that football's attitudes will change overnight. On the day of his interview with the Guardian, the Paris St-Germain defender Alex, a former Chelsea player, insisted that "god created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Yves".
Hitzlsperger says: "You'll always have those guys, but it's sad that they don't think a little deeper about what they're saying. I feel sorry for them, really".
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/football/2017/12/18/openly-gay-footballer-liam-davis-have-not-had-one-problem-football/
I believe there are plenty of men (or women for that matter) that have 'managed' to have sexual encounters whilst not necessarily attracted to their partner?