I went to an Eskimo restaurant in London and asked the waiter about the specials. He said "We've got whale meat, whale meat, whale meat or we've got the Vera Lynn". I said "What's the Vera Lynn?", he said....
I went to an Eskimo restaurant in London and asked the waiter about the specials. He said "We've got whale meat, whale meat, whale meat or we've got the Vera Lynn". I said "What's the Vera Lynn?", he said....
"Whale meat again”
Could this win the prize for the oldest joke? It must be WW2 vintage. Any one know any good Boar War Japes?
I went to an Eskimo restaurant in London and asked the waiter about the specials. He said "We've got whale meat, whale meat, whale meat or we've got the Vera Lynn". I said "What's the Vera Lynn?", he said....
"Whale meat again”
Could this win the prize for the oldest joke? It must be WW2 vintage. Any one know any good Boar War Japes?
I went to an Eskimo restaurant in London and asked the waiter about the specials. He said "We've got whale meat, whale meat, whale meat or we've got the Vera Lynn". I said "What's the Vera Lynn?", he said....
"Whale meat again”
Could this win the prize for the oldest joke? It must be WW2 vintage. Any one know any good Boar War Japes?
Got stopped in the street today outside Boots by a woman with a clipboard asking “What products do I use for grooming”. She was a bit taken aback when I replied “Facebook”.
One weekend I was supposed to be officiating at Nan City, but hot a last minute reassignment to Stockport. That's right, I was a linesman at the county, bit not at Maine Road
One weekend I was supposed to be officiating at Nan City, but hot a last minute reassignment to Stockport. That's right, I was a linesman at the county, bit not at Maine Road
I went to an Eskimo restaurant in London and asked the waiter about the specials. He said "We've got whale meat, whale meat, whale meat or we've got the Vera Lynn". I said "What's the Vera Lynn?", he said....
"Whale meat again”
Could this win the prize for the oldest joke? It must be WW2 vintage. Any one know any good Boar War Japes?
Its not old. I wrote this joke on July 22nd 1979
In that case you must have pinched it from Spike Milligan.
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"
"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
I went to see the doctor with a nasty rash on the top of my leg.
I told him "the weird thing is when I squeeze the pus out of the pimples, I hear the latest tunes playing "
He said "oh you have a severe case of spotty thigh".
Four nuns are driving to market and get hit by a drunk driver and all four nuns die. They get in line to go through pearly gates and wait for St. Peter to admit them.
St. Peter goes to the nuns and says "I realize that you are sisters of the cloth, but I must ask you if you have anything to report to me that might be a sin."The sisters thought for a while and the first nun went to St. Peter. "I once touched a man's penis with this finger". St. Peter thought for a while and said. "I'm sure it was in the line of duty; Place your finger in that holy water and swirl it around." She did as she was instructed and "PING" she was in.
The second nun went to St. Peter and said, "I once touched a man's genitals with my entire right hand." Again St. Peter thought for a while and said, "I'm sure it was within your duties; Swirl your hand in that holy water and go in." The second nun did as she was instructed and "ping" she was in.
All of a sudden the 4th nun jumped in front of the 3rd nun. St. Peter was really confused by this. "How come you cut in front of Sister?"The 4th nun replied, "I just wanted to know if I could gargle with that holy water before she soaked her ass in it!"
A guy brings his best golf buddy home, unannounced, for dinner at 6:30 PM, after enjoying a day of golf. His wife screams her head off while his friend sits at the kitchen table, open-mouthed, listening to the tirade. “My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a f###### mess and the dishes are still in the sink. I’m completely exhausted! I didn’t get enough sleep last night. Can’t you see I’m still in my f##### pajamas? I can’t be bothered with cooking tonight! Why the f### did you bring him home without letting me know ahead of time, you stupid a$$hole?” The husband replied: “Because he’s thinking of getting married.”
Comments
To keep De Wet from defeat
God, I love my new taser.
Just mute it and put the subtitles on.
BOOM.
Now they’re reading.
My wife and I just had a massive argument, I confronted her and asked why I found two broken condoms on the couch!
She, is insisting I call our children by their real names!
They must be baking in there.
Would have been better as:
One weekend I was supposed to be officiating at Nan City, but hot a last minute reassignment to Stockport. That's right, I was a linesman at the county, bit not at Maine Road
I think it’s a play on words based on a Glen Campbell song (Wichita Lineman).
He said "oh you have a severe case of spotty thigh".
If they go off, what's the worst that can happen?.
Four nuns are driving to market and get hit by a drunk driver and all four nuns die. They get in line to go through pearly gates and wait for St. Peter to admit them.
St. Peter goes to the nuns and says "I realize that you are sisters of the cloth, but I must ask you if you have anything to report to me that might be a sin."The sisters thought for a while and the first nun went to St. Peter. "I once touched a man's penis with this finger". St. Peter thought for a while and said. "I'm sure it was in the line of duty; Place your finger in that holy water and swirl it around." She did as she was instructed and "PING" she was in.
The second nun went to St. Peter and said, "I once touched a man's genitals with my entire right hand." Again St. Peter thought for a while and said, "I'm sure it was within your duties; Swirl your hand in that holy water and go in." The second nun did as she was instructed and "ping" she was in.
All of a sudden the 4th nun jumped in front of the 3rd nun. St. Peter was really confused by this. "How come you cut in front of Sister?"The 4th nun replied, "I just wanted to know if I could gargle with that holy water before she soaked her ass in it!"
As my wife was cleaning out the closet, she suddenly shouted excitedly, "Can you believe it?! After 10 years and it still fits!"
I said: “Babe it’s a scarf.”
His wife screams her head off while his friend sits at the kitchen table, open-mouthed, listening to the tirade.
“My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a f###### mess and the dishes are still in the sink. I’m completely exhausted! I didn’t get enough sleep last night. Can’t you see I’m still in my f##### pajamas? I can’t be bothered with cooking tonight! Why the f### did you bring him home without letting me know ahead of time, you stupid a$$hole?”
The husband replied: “Because he’s thinking of getting married.”