Once upon a time in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth.
One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest when it bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, shook the snake up quite a bit.
"Oh my!" said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth so I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am."
"It's quite okay," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is as yours. I too have been blind since birth and also never knew my mother so I don't know what I am either. I'll tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you and work out what you are so at least you'll have that going for you."
"Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny.
So the snake slithered all over the bunny and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur, you have really long ears, your nose twitches and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit."
"Oh thank you, thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement.
The bunny then suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw and help you in the same way that you have helped me."
So the bunny felt the snake all over and remarked, "Well, you're smooth and slippery, you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls. I'd say that you must be a team leader, supervisor or possibly someone in senior management. Or perhaps a politician?"
A man walked into a supermarket not realising that the zip on his trousers was down. A lady cashier walked up to him and said, "Your barracks door is open."
Not a phrase that men normally use, he went on his way looking a bit puzzled.
When he was about done shopping, a man came up to him and said, "Your fly is open." Embarrassed, he zipped up and finished his shopping.
At the checkout, he intentionally got into the queue of the lady who had told him about his "barracks door", planning to have a little fun with her. When he reached the counter he asked, "When you saw my barracks door open, did you see a soldier standing to attention in there?"
The lady thought for a moment and replied, "No I didn't. All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on a couple of old duffel bags!"
A teacher asks the class to name things that end with 'tor' that eat things.The first little boy says, "Alligator.""Very good, that's a big word."The second boy says, "Predator.""Yes, that's another big word. Well done."Little Johnny says, "Vibrator, Miss."After nearly falling off her chair, she says,"That is a big word, but it doesn't eat anything." "Well, my Mum has one and she says it eats fucking batteries like there's no tomorrow!
A
booking error on the Cineworld app meant my partner and I accidentally only
reserved one seat for the advanced screening of the Elton John biopic, Rocketman.
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighbouring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals so he offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question to be answered was, "What do women really want?" Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur it seemed an impossible query, but since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone, the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer. However, the price would be high as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first. The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!
Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage and made obscene noises! He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.
He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said that nothing was too big a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.
Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question. "What a woman really wants," she said, "Is to be in charge of her own life." Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.
And so it was, the neighbouring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.
As the honeymoon hour arrived Lancelot, steeling himself for an horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him! The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.
The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth be her horrible deformed self only half of the time and the beautiful maiden the other half. He could decide on beautiful during the day or at night.
Lancelot pondered his predicament. During the day he could have a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments with? Noble Lancelot said that he would allow her to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, the witch announced that she would be beautiful all of the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
Now, to the moral to the story.
If you don't let a woman have her own way, things are going to get ugly!
Comments
In Dorset?
Yeah, its really nice actually.
its a pharaoh way to go
I think they’re known as Tooting Car Men
Chinda Goodunproopa has denied all the charges.
Sorry, I misheard that.
Once upon a time in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth.
One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest when it bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, shook the snake up quite a bit.
"Oh my!" said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth so I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am."
"It's quite okay," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is as yours. I too have been blind since birth and also never knew my mother so I don't know what I am either. I'll tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you and work out what you are so at least you'll have that going for you."
"Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny.
So the snake slithered all over the bunny and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur, you have really long ears, your nose twitches and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit."
"Oh thank you, thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement.
The bunny then suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw and help you in the same way that you have helped me."
So the bunny felt the snake all over and remarked, "Well, you're smooth and slippery, you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls. I'd say that you must be a team leader, supervisor or possibly someone in senior management. Or perhaps a politician?"
If you kill yourself it's suicide.
If you kill someone else it's homicide.
If you kill lots of people it's genocide.
If you can't win the league it's MerseysideNot a phrase that men normally use, he went on his way looking a bit puzzled.
When he was about done shopping, a man came up to him and said, "Your fly is open." Embarrassed, he zipped up and finished his shopping.
At the checkout, he intentionally got into the queue of the lady who had told him about his "barracks door", planning to have a little fun with her. When he reached the counter he asked, "When you saw my barracks door open, did you see a soldier standing to attention in there?"
The lady thought for a moment and replied, "No I didn't. All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on a couple of old duffel bags!"
Took it out of the box...... no fucking Leeds !
My mate said he didn't understand what cloning was.
I said that makes two of us.
'Seoul?'
'No, R n B'
A booking error on the Cineworld app meant my partner and I accidentally only reserved one seat for the advanced screening of the Elton John biopic, Rocketman.
My partner is in row 4B.
I'm still standing.
The inventor of the USB stick has died.
Thanks for the memory.
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighbouring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals so he offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question to be answered was, "What do women really want?" Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur it seemed an impossible query, but since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone, the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer. However, the price would be high as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first. The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!
Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage and made obscene noises! He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.
He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said that nothing was too big a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.
Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question. "What a woman really wants," she said, "Is to be in charge of her own life." Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.
And so it was, the neighbouring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.
As the honeymoon hour arrived Lancelot, steeling himself for an horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him! The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.
The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth be her horrible deformed self only half of the time and the beautiful maiden the other half. He could decide on beautiful during the day or at night.
Lancelot pondered his predicament. During the day he could have a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments with? Noble Lancelot said that he would allow her to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, the witch announced that she would be beautiful all of the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
Now, to the moral to the story.
If you don't let a woman have her own way, things are going to get ugly!
He returned to his kingdom
And then he went BACK to the other kingdom ?????
I'm calling bullshit on this story.
When I was young I wanted to play the guitar really badly.
After years of hard work, practice and determination, I can play the guitar really badly.