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Your most unhinged "if I came to power" rule
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cantersaddick said:The first man who can win a starring contest with a goose is promptly crowned Lord of the Stare. Its a largely ceremonial position but he does win the respect of all men and is gifted a harem of the finest women in the land.
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Anyone driving behind someone in the middle lane (or, worse still, the "fast" lane) should be forced to read the Highway Code.0
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do we really need to go as far east as Gillingham? and Leyton already sounds like they want to be asian?MrLargo said:I would grant independence to Scotland, but only on the basis that most of the north of England also becomes part of the newly independent Scotland.
The frontiers of my beautiful new England would span from the top of East Anglia to the southern end of the border with Wales, cutting under Peterborough, because that's a shithole, but curving up to capture Royal Leamington Spa and Worcester, which are okay.
Newcastle would remain English, possibly becoming a Gibraltar-esque tax haven. Liverpool will also remain ours. However, I'd build a wall around it and use it in the same was as the French used French Guiana and we used Australia - basically a prison.
Separately from that, I'd shut down South Eastern Trains and replace it with something that works. All former employees of South Eastern Trains to be tried as war criminals.0 -
That's a very fair point. Gillingham feels like Barnsley - depressing, slightly inbred, apparent lack of access to dental services. Perhaps in my new and beautiful England, we could reduce our dependency on Chinese imports by using the people of Gillingham as slaves, forcing them to manufacture iPhones and various tat for a daily wage of 1 Greggs steak bake.gringo said:
do we really need to go as far east as Gillingham? and Leyton already sounds like they want to be asian?MrLargo said:I would grant independence to Scotland, but only on the basis that most of the north of England also becomes part of the newly independent Scotland.
The frontiers of my beautiful new England would span from the top of East Anglia to the southern end of the border with Wales, cutting under Peterborough, because that's a shithole, but curving up to capture Royal Leamington Spa and Worcester, which are okay.
Newcastle would remain English, possibly becoming a Gibraltar-esque tax haven. Liverpool will also remain ours. However, I'd build a wall around it and use it in the same was as the French used French Guiana and we used Australia - basically a prison.
Separately from that, I'd shut down South Eastern Trains and replace it with something that works. All former employees of South Eastern Trains to be tried as war criminals.6 -
Don't think I ever gave a no to a Would YaValleyGary said:I’d bring back the Would Ya threads to a weekly basis. Then all members of CL have to comment, however, we are linked up to some sort of remote lie detector. Only the truth can be told.2 -
Sky Sports golf channel would show live golf.
No adverts. No interviews. No 15 replays of a putt. No swing analysis. No aerial drone pictures of the clubhouse. No live pictures of Scottie Scheffler and his caddie waiting around for the green to clear.
Just live golf. Like the BBC's 1990s coverage of The Open. With "Ken on the Course".2 -
Graffiti vandals to be spray painted all over with indelible paint and the word "twat" embossed into their foreheads. The same goes for anyone who refers to them as "artists".0
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The executives of any company advertising 'free downloads', where the word 'download' is restricted purely to the act of obtaining the software but no usage rights, would themselves receive a free download of 20,000 volts straight to the cranium.3
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Anyone who can't spell environment or thinks the main purpose of education is to "get a better job" or should need at least a second class degree before they can get one.Radostanradical said:Kids can leave mainstream education at 13/14 provided they have an apprenticeship, no more exams like gces/A-levels but entry exams for more specialised education programmes, once completed just a certificate of completion.
We still run an archaiac throwback to schools that was designed in the victorian era mainly to get kids off the streets.
Whilst i bettered myself and have an MSc and specialist qualifications, not everyone is as intelligent or competent as me. Jokes aside i went to school and still am friends with people who are lift engineers, builders, working in trades and they all knew at an early age that was what they were going to do because there dads, uncles etc did it. Why were we wasting everyones time teaching them GCSE algebra at 16 ? Yes i know these jobs requires maths skills but they could have learnt this skills in a work enviroment more suited and applicable to their careers, which in turn would free up resources for kids with an academic natures still in schools.
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I'd make everyone I disliked disappear.1
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I remember having a discussion with a bloke I worked with many years ago, about what was one rule we would introduce that was absolutely obligatory.
He came up with : All men should part their hair on the left hand side.
I laughed but then I realised he wasn’t joking at all. In fact, he got really quite animated about it.
All these years later, I still have absolutely no idea why this would matter so much to him.🤔🤷♂️
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Jimmy Carr came up with one on a doom scroll recently when asked what’s his first rule if he was king of the world.. get rid of health & safety, natural selection would sort out the rest!1
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All lawyers to be pro bono, so you can't buy yourself out of trouble1
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I'd flip the finances of society. I'd make the poorest the richest, and the wealthiest the poorest. Then grab the popcorn and watch it all burn!!1
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Sounds like the old Ken Dodd joke, "We need a fairer more even society, so if I was the Prime Minister I'd collect all the money in and share it out evenly amongst everyone. Then, when I'd spent mine, I'd collect it all back in again..."ozaddick said:I'd flip the finances of society. I'd make the poorest the richest, and the wealthiest the poorest. Then grab the popcorn and watch it all burn!!1 -
Referees who rule out goals for Charlton to be forced to referee their next match with their laces tied together4
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I would send Jeremy Kyle and Piers Morgan into space on a rocket aimed directly for the sun.3
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Haribo sweets to be for over 21's only.1 -
Typing on my phone, so dont really bother with fixing typos but thanks for proving my point by focusing on typos instead of the actual modality of the argument.stevexreeve said:
Anyone who can't spell environment or thinks the main purpose of education is to "get a better job" or should need at least a second class degree before they can get one.Radostanradical said:Kids can leave mainstream education at 13/14 provided they have an apprenticeship, no more exams like gces/A-levels but entry exams for more specialised education programmes, once completed just a certificate of completion.
We still run an archaiac throwback to schools that was designed in the victorian era mainly to get kids off the streets.
Whilst i bettered myself and have an MSc and specialist qualifications, not everyone is as intelligent or competent as me. Jokes aside i went to school and still am friends with people who are lift engineers, builders, working in trades and they all knew at an early age that was what they were going to do because there dads, uncles etc did it. Why were we wasting everyones time teaching them GCSE algebra at 16 ? Yes i know these jobs requires maths skills but they could have learnt this skills in a work enviroment more suited and applicable to their careers, which in turn would free up resources for kids with an academic natures still in schools.0 - Sponsored links:
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Refs like yeserday's would be put in the stocks.0
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I would choose an uninhabited Arctic territory and name it Isle of Despots.
Enough basic food and shelter would be provided to keep them alive and miserable.
There are four candidates who immediately spring to mind without whom the world would be a better place.0 -
I can think of a few more than 4!Blackheathen said:I would choose an uninhabited Arctic territory and name it Isle of Despots.
Enough basic food and shelter would be provided to keep them alive and miserable.
There are four candidates who immediately spring to mind without whom the world would be a better place.1 -
Anyone who sends voice notes on WhatsApp instead of just sending a message shall have their phone smashed with hammer. Either type it or wait till you speak to the person.
People who record voice notes on public transport shall be thrown in front of that public transport.
People who listen to voice notes out loud on public transport shall be fired into the sun by rocket to the anus.3 -
Anyone ordering steak well done has to slaughter the cow themselves4
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All food nazis will have their tongues removed0
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Why would it? The rich all got where they are by hard graft, that's what they tell us. So they would just work really, really hard and make themselves rich again. The poor wouldn't know how to stash all their cash in the Cayman Islands and would spend it all on goods and services, having a great time, creating wealth and jobs for the rich to do to become rich again.ozaddick said:I'd flip the finances of society. I'd make the poorest the richest, and the wealthiest the poorest. Then grab the popcorn and watch it all burn!!
I think it's a great idea, we just have different thoughts on the outcome.
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Anyone who feeds their kids junk food before they are subject to peer pressure at nursery/school to have to work the nightshift at MacDs, KFC etc for minimum wage every Saturday for six months.0
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Sideways!Huskaris said:Anyone who plays mobile phones out loud on public transport to have the phone inserted up their arse.1 -
Without lube while ringingTodds_right_hook said:
Sideways!Huskaris said:Anyone who plays mobile phones out loud on public transport to have the phone inserted up their arse.0
