The first man who can win a starring contest with a goose is promptly crowned Lord of the Stare. Its a largely ceremonial position but he does win the respect of all men and is gifted a harem of the finest women in the land.
I would grant independence to Scotland, but only on the basis that most of the north of England also becomes part of the newly independent Scotland.
The frontiers of my beautiful new England would span from the top of East Anglia to the southern end of the border with Wales, cutting under Peterborough, because that's a shithole, but curving up to capture Royal Leamington Spa and Worcester, which are okay.
Newcastle would remain English, possibly becoming a Gibraltar-esque tax haven. Liverpool will also remain ours. However, I'd build a wall around it and use it in the same was as the French used French Guiana and we used Australia - basically a prison.
Separately from that, I'd shut down South Eastern Trains and replace it with something that works. All former employees of South Eastern Trains to be tried as war criminals.
do we really need to go as far east as Gillingham? and Leyton already sounds like they want to be asian?
I would grant independence to Scotland, but only on the basis that most of the north of England also becomes part of the newly independent Scotland.
The frontiers of my beautiful new England would span from the top of East Anglia to the southern end of the border with Wales, cutting under Peterborough, because that's a shithole, but curving up to capture Royal Leamington Spa and Worcester, which are okay.
Newcastle would remain English, possibly becoming a Gibraltar-esque tax haven. Liverpool will also remain ours. However, I'd build a wall around it and use it in the same was as the French used French Guiana and we used Australia - basically a prison.
Separately from that, I'd shut down South Eastern Trains and replace it with something that works. All former employees of South Eastern Trains to be tried as war criminals.
do we really need to go as far east as Gillingham? and Leyton already sounds like they want to be asian?
That's a very fair point. Gillingham feels like Barnsley - depressing, slightly inbred, apparent lack of access to dental services. Perhaps in my new and beautiful England, we could reduce our dependency on Chinese imports by using the people of Gillingham as slaves, forcing them to manufacture iPhones and various tat for a daily wage of 1 Greggs steak bake.
I’d bring back the Would Ya threads to a weekly basis. Then all members of CL have to comment, however, we are linked up to some sort of remote lie detector. Only the truth can be told.
Sky Sports golf channel would show live golf. No adverts. No interviews. No 15 replays of a putt. No swing analysis. No aerial drone pictures of the clubhouse. No live pictures of Scottie Scheffler and his caddie waiting around for the green to clear. Just live golf. Like the BBC's 1990s coverage of The Open. With "Ken on the Course".
Graffiti vandals to be spray painted all over with indelible paint and the word "twat" embossed into their foreheads. The same goes for anyone who refers to them as "artists".
The executives of any company advertising 'free downloads', where the word 'download' is restricted purely to the act of obtaining the software but no usage rights, would themselves receive a free download of 20,000 volts straight to the cranium.
Kids can leave mainstream education at 13/14 provided they have an apprenticeship, no more exams like gces/A-levels but entry exams for more specialised education programmes, once completed just a certificate of completion.
We still run an archaiac throwback to schools that was designed in the victorian era mainly to get kids off the streets.
Whilst i bettered myself and have an MSc and specialist qualifications, not everyone is as intelligent or competent as me. Jokes aside i went to school and still am friends with people who are lift engineers, builders, working in trades and they all knew at an early age that was what they were going to do because there dads, uncles etc did it. Why were we wasting everyones time teaching them GCSE algebra at 16 ? Yes i know these jobs requires maths skills but they could have learnt this skills in a work enviroment more suited and applicable to their careers, which in turn would free up resources for kids with an academic natures still in schools.
Anyone who can't spell environment or thinks the main purpose of education is to "get a better job" or should need at least a second class degree before they can get one.
I remember having a discussion with a bloke I worked with many years ago, about what was one rule we would introduce that was absolutely obligatory. He came up with : All men should part their hair on the left hand side. I laughed but then I realised he wasn’t joking at all. In fact, he got really quite animated about it. All these years later, I still have absolutely no idea why this would matter so much to him.🤔🤷♂️
Jimmy Carr came up with one on a doom scroll recently when asked what’s his first rule if he was king of the world.. get rid of health & safety, natural selection would sort out the rest!
I'd flip the finances of society. I'd make the poorest the richest, and the wealthiest the poorest. Then grab the popcorn and watch it all burn!!
Sounds like the old Ken Dodd joke, "We need a fairer more even society, so if I was the Prime Minister I'd collect all the money in and share it out evenly amongst everyone. Then, when I'd spent mine, I'd collect it all back in again..."
Comments
No adverts. No interviews. No 15 replays of a putt. No swing analysis. No aerial drone pictures of the clubhouse. No live pictures of Scottie Scheffler and his caddie waiting around for the green to clear.
Just live golf. Like the BBC's 1990s coverage of The Open. With "Ken on the Course".
He came up with : All men should part their hair on the left hand side.
I laughed but then I realised he wasn’t joking at all. In fact, he got really quite animated about it.
All these years later, I still have absolutely no idea why this would matter so much to him.🤔🤷♂️
Haribo sweets to be for over 21's only.