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Your most unhinged "if I came to power" rule

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Comments

  • usetobunkin
    usetobunkin Posts: 2,198
    Over size persons wearing clothes to small for them. 
    Gobshite kids on the internet pointing fingers in a make believe gunshots. 
    Both groups to hung by their ankles from lampposts to be pelted with rotting fruit.

  • cantersaddick
    cantersaddick Posts: 17,025
    edited August 21
    Joggers who think they have right of way in public places should be forced to run a 5k barefoot, over broken glass and molten tarmac. And then punched in the face 10,000 times.
  • Greenhithe
    Greenhithe Posts: 805
    Anyone wearing socks with sandal slider things has a toe cut off with a blunt junior hacksaw. This is repeated every time they are caught and repeat offenders will end up with stumps
  • cantersaddick
    cantersaddick Posts: 17,025
    When I come to power a record will be kept of everyone who pisses me off over the course of a year. At the end of the year they will be entered into a hunger games type fight to the death. The prize for the winner is that I take all their personal belongings and give them to charity.
  • Marriott110
    Marriott110 Posts: 1,528
    Those who do not hold the door open for others when they are at a reasonable distance gets a door smashed over their head at a random time within 24 hours of the crime taking place

    so if you shut the door on someone walking into the office at 0900, you could be smashed over the head at 3am the next morning


  • Chunes
    Chunes Posts: 17,406
    edited August 21
    Marriott110 said:
    Those who do not hold the door open for others when they are at a reasonable distance gets a door smashed over their head at a random time within 24 hours of the crime taking place
    Mate... I've almost stopped doing it. Nobody says thank you anymore.
  • Marriott110
    Marriott110 Posts: 1,528
    Chunes said:
    Marriott110 said:
    Those who do not hold the door open for others when they are at a reasonable distance gets a door smashed over their head at a random time within 24 hours of the crime taking place
    Mate... I've almost stopped doing it. Nobody says thank you anymore.
    Those who don't say thank you get the random door drop instead

    Problem solved!
  • Chunes
    Chunes Posts: 17,406
    School / NHS receptionists found to be rude or unhelpful are sent to work as prison guards in Honduras. 
  • Charltonhobo
    Charltonhobo Posts: 28
    Immediately sack myself and declare the country a free state.
  • Friend Or Defoe
    Friend Or Defoe Posts: 18,125
    You can throw people who stand on the left down the escalators. 

    Ban women drivers, although that one is pretty sensible.  

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  • Jonniesta
    Jonniesta Posts: 1,161
    edited August 21
    A Hunger Games to be run featuring anybody who identifies as an 'Ultra'
  • North Lower Neil
    North Lower Neil Posts: 22,997
    edited August 21
    Sheppey to be cut off and walled up as a prison island like Eacape from New York.

    It's halfway there anyway, stop pissing about.
  • ValleyGary
    ValleyGary Posts: 38,015
    edited August 21
    People who make their children their whole personality should have their bodies removed, and their heads sown on to cabbage patch dolls. This will allow all normal people to avoid you and you can live with grotty kids for the rest of your life. All other organs can be used for donors.
  • lolwray
    lolwray Posts: 4,916
    Any of the above 

    But the punishment would be to insert an oversized catheter in the offender and dangle them from a height by the same until they have seen every Christmas episode of eastenders...if they fall they fall 
  • SoundAsa£
    SoundAsa£ Posts: 22,506
    edited August 21
    Force everyone to post letters second class…..what would Royal Mail do then?
  • Chunes
    Chunes Posts: 17,406
    ValleyGary said:
    People who make their children their whole personality should have their bodies removed, and their heads sown on to cabbage patch dolls. This will allow all normal people to avoid you and you can live with grotty kids for the rest of your life. All other organs can be used for donors.
    Likewise, people who talk about their dogs or cats as if they're real people. 
  • Leroy Ambrose
    Leroy Ambrose Posts: 14,449
    Red trousers. Get int fuckin sea. 
  • Gribbo
    Gribbo Posts: 8,525
    tom_k said:
    Bring back tar and feathering for people that don't clean up their dog's poo.
    Did twin #1 pick up her dog's poo?
  • Gribbo
    Gribbo Posts: 8,525
    Stig said:
    All members and collaborators of ESI should be forced into a giant circular human caterpillar. 
    Southall not suitable for human caterpillar as shit exudes out of both his ends
  • Bostonaddick
    Bostonaddick Posts: 828
    Golfie must be exiled to a desert island for one week with all of its inhabitants consisting of over the top happy positive motivational speakers.

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  • jams
    jams Posts: 1,219
    anyone talking in the cinema during the film is fired into the sun 
  • Scoham
    Scoham Posts: 37,461
    People claiming Curbs was hounded out of Charlton by fans demanding more than mid table PL football are booed and subjected to verbal abuse at their place of work for a month.
  • Addickted2TheReds
    Addickted2TheReds Posts: 7,757
    Players who quite clearly smash the ball out for a throw but then put their arm in the air appealing to be shot by a sniper on the roof of the stadium.  
  • T_C_E
    T_C_E Posts: 16,426
    tom_k said:
    Bring back tar and feathering for people that don't clean up their dog's poo.
    Rub their noses in it. 👍
  • iaitch
    iaitch Posts: 10,253
    Chunes said:
    ValleyGary said:
    People who make their children their whole personality should have their bodies removed, and their heads sown on to cabbage patch dolls. This will allow all normal people to avoid you and you can live with grotty kids for the rest of your life. All other organs can be used for donors.
    Likewise, people who talk about their dogs or cats as if they're real people. 
    Do you mean their fur babies? Oops another hanging offence.
  • T_C_E
    T_C_E Posts: 16,426
    Addickted2TheReds said:
    Players who quite clearly smash the ball out for a throw but then put their arm in the air appealing to be shot by a sniper on the roof of the stadium.  
    We’d lose Josh Edward’s for most of the season, unless Charlton players are exempt of course? 👍😉
  • iaitch
    iaitch Posts: 10,253
    Charlton_Charlie said:
    Automatic sterilisation for anyone who's been on Jeremy Kyle (or a show of that ilk)...
    Think it's too late by then, they would already have numerous kids by numerous fathers (absent), that's their story of victimhood.
  • sam3110
    sam3110 Posts: 21,362
    People who say "Arks" instead of "Ask"

    Will be made to drink nothing but water directly from The Thames for a week
  • sam3110
    sam3110 Posts: 21,362
    iaitch said:
    Charlton_Charlie said:
    Automatic sterilisation for anyone who's been on Jeremy Kyle (or a show of that ilk)...
    Think it's too late by then, they would already have numerous kids by numerous fathers (absent), that's their story of victimhood.
    I'd extend it to sterilising the kids of anyone who's been on Jeremy Kyle or similar but in reality that's also too late, you'd probably have to extend it to the grandkids as well
  • T_C_E
    T_C_E Posts: 16,426
    Chunes said:
    ValleyGary said:
    People who make their children their whole personality should have their bodies removed, and their heads sown on to cabbage patch dolls. This will allow all normal people to avoid you and you can live with grotty kids for the rest of your life. All other organs can be used for donors.
    Likewise, people who talk about their dogs or cats as if they're real people. 
    I was only saying that this very morning, to Valli and Bowyer! 😉

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