Your most unhinged "if I came to power" rule

People that don’t say please or thank you get their mouths sown up for a week. You can’t be polite, you don’t get to speak.

People who drop their chewing gum on the floor should be made to spend a week cleaning it off.

Edit : with their teeth.

sam3110 said:

Cyclists who still cycle down the middle of the road, ignoring their dedicated cycle lane, are made to ride naked tandem for a week, behind overweight men with explosive IBS and a penchant for spicy curries

Harsh but fair.

People who get on a bus with seats available yet stand in the exit doorway blocking it should be made to get off the bus and push it along every uphill part of the road.

I would ban people that annoy me from being in public spaces. There would be a number of criteria:-

Eating with your mouth open.

Not moving to the left on motorways.

Not saying please and thankyou.

Parking in parent and child spaces when you then just sit in the car with the kid whilst one parent gets out.

anyone ever wearing a facemask for the purpose of hiding identity.

Anyone with a fake accent.

etc etc.

Reading the Fat Jab thread I’d make it law that wine can only be served in small wine glasses. Anyone that quaffs a drink that has a high alcohol content like it is lemonade, which is what they are doing if they use any glass bigger than a standard small one, needs all the help they can get. 

Huskaris said:

Anyone who plays mobile phones out loud on public transport to have the phone inserted up their arse.

Then forced up their left nostril.

Henry Irving said:

Anyone pronouncing "H" as "Haitch" rather than "Aitch" to be forced to eat gobstoppers non-stop.

I'd agree with that, Enry.

Anyone who arrives at a till, bar, service area, ticket barrier, getting on a bus etc and does not have there money/card ready to use.

Also getting to a bar and taking ages to chose what drink you want...

All should be kicked in the shin.

Those found guilty of the 'snatching' of mobile phones whilst riding motorised bicycles on the pavement will be taken to a public place where they will be secured in stocks after having their trousers and pants pulled down around their ankles.
The public will then be given permission to pelt them with an array of rotten foodstuffs provided by that week's supermarket sponsors.
The criminals will remain in the stocks for the time it takes to have the word, 'THIEF' tattooed on their forehead after which they will be given a police escort to the nearest bus stop.
Download the free app 'Stocks for Cocks' and enter your postcode to find upcoming 'Pelters' events in your area.

cantersaddick said:

Every tuesday there would be a public gathering in all local parks around the country where people who litter are lined up and we can all throw tomatoes at them. We all get to then chill out have some nice food and beer while they clean all the tomato from the park.

Need a name for this festival though.

I was going to suggest Scumfest, but didn't want to sow confusion with Millwall's annual Open Day

Drivers that sit in the middle lane of motorways !!! they should be suspended naked from motorway bridges for all to see

Anyone who starts a rival thread to the things that annoy you thread.😄

So basically this is the same as “ The Things I dislike “ thread ?