My mate has been cheating on his wife with her twin, he said there is no risk of being caught because he can tell them apart.
Brian has a moustache.
You’re going to have to explain that one to me. I hope I don’t live to regret asking.
If a Husband is cheating with a twin... You'd instantly expect it to be a sister, not for it to be a brother
Well that’s a relief. I assumed Brian was the one cheating and I wondered what strange sexual practice I’d not heard of but everyone else had he was performing with his moustache to tell the difference.
In return, I was supposed to advertise some sort of bathroom cleaner or whatever. Of course, I declined because I am a person of high morals and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner, now available in scented lemon or vanilla.
A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit came to his table and asked if he was ready to order:
"What would you like, sir?"
He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A quickie."
The waitress turns and walks away in disgust.
After she regains her composure she returns and asks again: "What would you like, sir?"
Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "A quickie, please."
This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away.
A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers,
An illegal immigrant picks up a hooker. 'Hey, how much you charge for da hour, sister?' he asks.
'$100,' she replies.
In broken English he says 'Do you do Immigrant Style?'
'No' she says.
'I pay you $200 to do Immigrant Style.'
'No', she says, not knowing what Immigrant Style is.
'I pay you $300.'
'No', she says.
'I pay you $400.'
'No', she says.
So finally he says, 'OK, I pay $1,000 to do Immigrant Style.'
She thinks, 'Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years now. I've had every kind of request from weirdoes from every part of the world. How bad could Immigrant Style be?'.
So she agrees and has sex with him.
They do it in every kind of way and in every possible position.
Finally, after several hours, they finish.
Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, 'Hey, I was expecting something perverted and disgusting. But that was good. So what exactly is 'Immigrant Style'?'
The illegal immigrant replies 'You send bill to Government!!..
An illegal immigrant picks up a hooker. 'Hey, how much you charge for da hour, sister?' he asks.
'$100,' she replies.
In broken English he says 'Do you do Immigrant Style?'
'No' she says.
'I pay you $200 to do Immigrant Style.'
'No', she says, not knowing what Immigrant Style is.
'I pay you $300.'
'No', she says.
'I pay you $400.'
'No', she says.
So finally he says, 'OK, I pay $1,000 to do Immigrant Style.'
She thinks, 'Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years now. I've had every kind of request from weirdoes from every part of the world. How bad could Immigrant Style be?'.
So she agrees and has sex with him.
They do it in every kind of way and in every possible position.
Finally, after several hours, they finish.
Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, 'Hey, I was expecting something perverted and disgusting. But that was good. So what exactly is 'Immigrant Style'?'
The illegal immigrant replies 'You send bill to Government!!..
An English bloke went out duck hunting and a gust of wind blew, his gun fell over and discharged, shooting him in his private parts. Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor:
"Sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK.
The damage was local, to your groin, there was very little internal damage and we were able to remove all of the shrapnel."
"What's the bad news?" Asked the hunter.
"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive shrapnel damage done to your penis which left quite a few holes in it. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister."
"Well I guess that isn't too bad." The hunter replied. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"
"Not exactly." Answered the doctor. "She's a flute player in the London Philharmonic Orchestra. She's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eyes!"
A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit came to his table and asked if he was ready to order:
"What would you like, sir?"
He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A quickie."
The waitress turns and walks away in disgust.
After she regains her composure she returns and asks again: "What would you like, sir?"
Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "A quickie, please."
This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away.
A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers,
"Um, I think it's pronounced 'QUICHE.'"
Many years ago, my mother-in-law, when we asked her what she’d given AAjr for lunch, said a quickie. We were very confused until she showed us the quiche packet.
a man wanted rid of his wife for good so made some enquiries and eventually me up with a guy called Arty. after discussing things, feeling sorry for the man, Arty agreed he would do it for just £1. So the man explained his wife shops at the local supermarket every Friday morning and that she would wearing a yellow raincoat and blue beret. it was agreed that this would be when the deed would be done! Come Friday Arty is ready and in position but there are two women wearing the same clothes!! In a panic he strangles both of them and is arrested while trying to escape. The press were all over it and the following days headlines read "Arty-chokes 2 for a pound in Tescos"
A teacher asks the class to name things that end with 'tor' that eat things.The first little boy says, "Alligator.""Very good, that's a big word."The second boy says, "Predator.""Yes, that's another big word. Well done."Little Johnny says, "Vibrator, Miss."After nearly falling off her chair, she says,"That is a big word, but it doesn't eat anything." "Well, my Mum has one and she says it eats fucking batteries like there's no tomorrow!
Never used, in pretty good condition, unfortunately been dropped once!!
That’s harsh. The leadership was very poor but the people at the sharp end generally tried to do their duty. Indeed, the gunners on the Richelieu landed quite a few hits on our ships when we tried to sink her.
Comments
In return, I was supposed to advertise some sort of bathroom cleaner or whatever. Of course, I declined because I am a person of high morals and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner, now available in scented lemon or vanilla.
A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit came to his table and asked if he was ready to order:
"What would you like, sir?"
He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A quickie."
The waitress turns and walks away in disgust.
After she regains her composure she returns and asks again: "What would you like, sir?"
Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "A quickie, please."
This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away.
A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers,
"Um, I think it's pronounced 'QUICHE.'"
Come Friday Arty is ready and in position but there are two women wearing the same clothes!! In a panic he strangles both of them and is arrested while trying to escape. The press were all over it and the following days headlines read "Arty-chokes 2 for a pound in Tescos"
The Devon and Cornwall music festival has been cancelled
They couldn’t decide who should go first … The Jam or Cream
Never used, in pretty good condition, unfortunately been dropped once!!