My boss handed me a fiver and said, "First things first, I need you to go down to the shops and buy me a glass hammer, a skirting board ladder and a bubble for a spirit level."
I laughed and said, "Do you really think I'm that stupid?"
"What do you mean Dave?" He sniggered.
I said, "That lot is going to cost more than a fiver."
When I was on the milk round with a new person, you'd take them into the petrol station in the electric float and say something like "I'm going to get some chocolate, fill it up".
My boss handed me a fiver and said, "First things first, I need you to go down to the shops and buy me a glass hammer, a skirting board ladder and a bubble for a spirit level."
I laughed and said, "Do you really think I'm that stupid?"
"What do you mean Dave?" He sniggered.
I said, "That lot is going to cost more than a fiver."
We used to send the newbies at work from Kings Cross office to Bishopsgate office to collect the long wait printout.
When I had job at Wimpy in Dartford we used to send the new starters to B&Q with a fire extinguisher to get the water replaced as it was out of date.
@MrOneLung was that the NW twin towers at King's Cross?
@a@AddicksAddict - yeah was there 93-96 ish. we moved there after the first bomb that damaged the NatWest tower. Then moved to Moorgate, Lombard St, Drapers Gardens and ending up in new building in Bishopsgate.
I remember getting my car from the garage a few years ago, and there was a lad there. The mechanic told me he was a work experience kid from the office next door who had been sent for a "long weight" over an hour ago. Must admit I had to think about it.
Apprentices in the Motor Trade, would be sent to the stores for, A box of spark plug gaps, A box of tappet clearances, A tin of brake adjusting spray, WD39 or WD41 ,. But best of all was to get a tyre inner tube tell the young lad to put 5psi into it. Then take it to the water tank and submerge it looking for a puncture, many a lad was seen walking across a workshop with a barrage balloon of an inner tube with the fitters unable to stand because of laughter.
However one or two did backfire, We had a fleet of Maguis Duetz Air cooled trucks an apprentice was tasked with checking the antifreeze and top up, later he came in to tell the foreman he had used 205lr drum of blueco and had only done 6 of the 15 to check. He had simple put the mix in through the oil filler. A red faced fitter had to stay behind and sort it out, total cost of this cock up was about £1000 back in the late 70s.
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, 'We only have one rule here in heaven:don't step on the ducks!'
So they enter heaven, and sure enough,
there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says,
'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing.
With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St.Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on .... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, 'I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?'
The guy says, 'I don't know about you, but I stepped on a
He was dressed respectfully in a crisp black suit. As he gathered his seat he noticed that the old lady sitting next to him was wearing a yellow life jacket over her outfit.
In fact, as he looked around, every single person in the room was wearing a yellow life jacket over their outfit.
“Excuse me,” the man asked the old lady, “What’s going on here?”
“Our dear friend drowned the other day. We’re here to pay our respects,” the old lady replied.
“Sorry,” the man corrected, “I know he died drowning. I mean why is everyone wearing life jackets?”
The old lady replied, “It’s what he would have wanted.”
My mate has been cheating on his wife with her twin, he said there is no risk of being caught because he can tell them apart.
Brian has a moustache.
You’re going to have to explain that one to me. I hope I don’t live to regret asking.
If a Husband is cheating with a twin... You'd instantly expect it to be a sister, not for it to be a brother
Well that’s a relief. I assumed Brian was the one cheating and I wondered what strange sexual practice I’d not heard of but everyone else had he was performing with his moustache to tell the difference.
My mate spent all day yesterday re-turfing his front garden. Overnight, someone dug it all up and stole all the turf. I met him at his front gate this morning looking forlorn.
Comments
then he wont have a family
Asked which donor was a Type O, the rabbit said "that would be me...."
Then take it to the water tank and submerge it looking for a puncture, many a lad was seen walking across a workshop with a barrage balloon of an inner tube with the fitters unable to stand because of laughter.
However one or two did backfire, We had a fleet of Maguis Duetz Air cooled trucks an apprentice was tasked with checking the antifreeze and top up, later he came in to tell the foreman he had used 205lr drum of blueco and had only
done 6 of the 15 to check. He had simple put the mix in through the oil filler. A red faced fitter had to stay behind and sort it out, total cost of this cock up was about £1000 back in the late 70s.
Brian has a moustache.
Bird 1: "I'm hungry, I'm going to try to find a mouse to eat."
Bird 2: "You sure? It's pretty damn dark to find a mouse."
Bird 1: "There's no harm in trying."
Bird 2: "I guess.."
So bird 1 flies off into the darkness. Some time passes and the sun begins to rise. Bird 2 sees his pal flying back with a juicy beakful of blood.
Bird 2: "Wow! Where did you find a feast like that?"
Bird 1: "See that tree over there?"
Bird 2: "Yeah"
Bird 1: "Well, I didn't."
He was dressed respectfully in a crisp black suit. As he gathered his seat he noticed that the old lady sitting next to him was wearing a yellow life jacket over her outfit.
In fact, as he looked around, every single person in the room was wearing a yellow life jacket over their outfit.
“Excuse me,” the man asked the old lady, “What’s going on here?”
“Our dear friend drowned the other day. We’re here to pay our respects,” the old lady replied.
“Sorry,” the man corrected, “I know he died drowning. I mean why is everyone wearing life jackets?”
The old lady replied, “It’s what he would have wanted.”
"That's 15 love!" i replied