A man was excited to win a trip to the Vatican to be blessed by the Pope.
When he got there he found he was one of 50 and he was end of the line.
The Pope approached the first person, made the sign of the Cross, said a few words and moved on to the next, and the next. The fourth in line was a man just off the streets, filthy and dishevelled. The Pope made the sign of the Cross, gave the man a hug and said a few words in his ear.
Our man at the end of the line thought “Well, I’ve come this far, I’d like a hug from the Pope too”. So he ducked back down the line until he reached the tramp, reached into his pocket for £50 and asked to buy his smelly coat, a transaction to which the tramp readily agreed.
The Pope made his way down the line and finally came to our man. He made the sign of the Cross, pulled the man towards him in a hug and whispered in his ear:
A couple were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. They were sitting at the breakfast table when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think honey, we've been married for 50 years."
"Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."
"Yep," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say? Shall we get naked?"
Sure enough, the two stripped down to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know, honey," the little old lady said breathlessly, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
"I'm not surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other's in your porridge!"
Comments
When he got there he found he was one of 50 and he was end of the line.
The Pope approached the first person, made the sign of the Cross, said a few words and moved on to the next, and the next. The fourth in line was a man just off the streets, filthy and dishevelled. The Pope made the sign of the Cross, gave the man a hug and said a few words in his ear.
Our man at the end of the line thought “Well, I’ve come this far, I’d like a hug from the Pope too”. So he ducked back down the line until he reached the tramp, reached into his pocket for £50 and asked to buy his smelly coat, a transaction to which the tramp readily agreed.
The Pope made his way down the line and finally came to our man. He made the sign of the Cross, pulled the man towards him in a hug and whispered in his ear:
”I thought I told you to get the fuck outta here”
Found out two things today.
1. Kitchen sex can be wild and exciting.
2. The staff at McDonald’s are quite narrow minded.
1 - my penis is the exact length of two Argos pens.
2 - I am banned from every Argos nationwide for life.
I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg.
I said: “I bet I know what you’re favourite festival is.”
He replied: “Have to love Easter baby.”
I’m reading a great book about Lubricants.
It’s non friction.
I told her I just panicked and swam to the surface.
"Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."
"Yep," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say? Shall we get naked?"
Sure enough, the two stripped down to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know, honey," the little old lady said breathlessly, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
"I'm not surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other's in your porridge!"
A kid decides to burn his house down.
Dad - putting his arm round his wife, both with tears welling in their eyes - “That’s arson.”
I'll be back!