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Tight fisted gits

Inspired by Carly Burn's tale about Albert on the 'colleague' thread, what is the most ridiculous example of tight fistedness you've ever seen?

Non Roland related, the duct tape has been done!!

Has a customer call to chase a 2p underpayment at work once on a payment of £3000-4000. Wasn't to balance accounts etc either, just a private individual who wanted his 2p.

My Dad told me a bloke down his old boozer used to buy postcards abroad but post them when he got home to save on stamps.
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  • Inspired by Carly Burn's tale about Albert on the 'colleague' thread, what is the most ridiculous example of tight fistedness you've ever seen?

    Non Roland related, the duct tape has been done!!

    Has a customer call to chase a 2p underpayment at work once on a payment of £3000-4000. Wasn't to balance accounts etc either, just a private individual who wanted his 2p.

    My Dad told me a bloke down his old boozer used to buy postcards abroad but post them when he got home to save on stamps.

    Was that customer elfsbourg
  • I had two pints of shandy tonight
    I get half lager and half a lemonade cheaper that way
  • Mates uncle took a utility company to court over 5p. They reckoned they couldn't deal with such small amounts, the magistrate basically told them to just pay him, they owed him. Doubt he covered his costs.

    One of our partners is really right. Once questioned a side order of mushrooms on an expenses claim for several days of work travel.

    Older boss was even tighter. I was once made to spend hours haggling over some trifling sum with an associate (bearing in mind my hourly rate rate about £200per hour at the time...). He also expected VAT receipts for pints of milk
  • edited February 2018
    I think my old head of department is going to take some beating here. Bear in mind this isn't even his own money but the company's which he always treated as though it was his own while his equivalents in other departments would sign expenses off without question.

    Whenever we would order food for a meeting his policy was always to only order it for half the amount of people attending the meeting eg if you have 10 people attending a meeting only order food for 5 people. The portions were never anything special either and were only sandwiches, crisps etc!

    He once did an audit of all our car parking expenses we had claimed, again not his money but the company's but it still got to the point where all of us who had claimed car parking expenses had to produce the actual tickets long after we had claimed on them! Of course we didn't have them anymore and not even photocopies would suffice, he wanted the actual hard copies of the tickets from the machine! Of course HR had the tickets and most likely binned them eventually so eventually the head of department had to settle for a letter from the head of HR to confirm parking tickets had been physically received and aligned precisely to the amount ever claimed. I gave up driving to work at that point it just wasn't worth the hassle anymore to go through this again.

    But potentially the one that really sticks out is when our team went to an internal awards evening to support another team of ours. For some reason or another the team we were there to support were given the award by mistake and all of us even only there to support them were given £100 gift vouchers each, we were all surprised but accepted them anyway. A few days later our head of department informs us of the mistake made, says another team should have won them and asked us to hand back our gift vouchers! Problem was some of us had already spent some if not all of them. Eventually he backed down and the company gave extra vouchers to the team that should have rightfully won them. But the fact we were asked to hand back our gift vouchers is the one and only time I've ever been asked to hand gift vouchers back!
  • Carter said:

    I've had bosses in the past that have questioned mileage expenses after they've found time to research my journey on Google they have asked why I booked say 200 miles when Google said I could do a particular journey in 190 miles. 28p a mile we get so that's less than the price of a coffee, a beer, a MacDonalds the list goes on. This has always been batted back with a response, a pretty unpleasant one from me asking if they genuinely think I'm that hard up I need to fiddle less than 3 quid.

    I have a couple of mates who are fuckers when it comes to buying a round which gets up my nose and some friends of me and my wife need physically separating from their cash when we split a bill on say my credit card it will be weeks before I see their share.

    When I used to bring a newspaper into work to read at lunch or on the shitter one bloke was always swiping it or taking it to the photocopier in the yard to run off copies and read at home.

    I stayed at a digs when working in Leeds and the bloke who ran the place was a weird sod anyway, he asked if I wanted to watch the football on sky whatever the game was on the Sunday and I said I did thinking he was going to direct me to the nearest place that showed it instead he asked if I wanted to watch it on the tv with him and his family in the front room which I agreed to. He asked me to go and get some beers in, which I did, he took them off me when I got back and put them in the fridge (more on this in a bit) bearing in mind I was staying at this place by myself and wasn't bothered about making friends or drinking on my own on a Sunday I wandered down to the front room and saw the rest of the family (him, his wife and two very unusual looking kids) all sat on the sofas and armchairs and he went and got me a plastic garden chair. The tv wasn't on and kick off was upon us so I asked if he knew the gane was about to start and he abdrubtly said he knew so I sat my arse down and looked awkwardly round the room. Now this was about 2000 so over a decade before I owned a nice, convenient, distraction device like a smartphone, So I watched him look at his watch then switch the tv on, at the plug and we got the game. Half time came along and he walked over to the plug again and switched the whole lot off! 15 minutes later he got up and switched it all on, by this time I'd got him to go and get me three beers from his fridge out of the half dozen that I'd brought, he hadn't had any and I'd fucking had enough of waiting in silence to become another victim of a Yorkshire based serial killer so I thanked him for his hospitality and fucked off out on my own to watch the second half in Leeds high street.

    As always when I got back the silly prick had locked the door from the inside (This would have been about 8pm) so I had to ring the bell, an actual metal bell for him to eventually come and turn the deadlock to let me in.

    This was the end of the first week of me working up there and being plenty of places to stay I decided enough was enough and I'd check out first thing in the morning and find myself somewhere else to stop.

    I appreciate I've gone the log way around doing this.

    I was presented with a bill that included charges for electricity used whilst I was there (he heard me watch the tv in the morning getting ready for work) a charge for daily servicing of the room (What every hotel and b&b on the planet do as part of the charge) and a charge for, this is the gem. Night porterage for ringing the bell every night to get in after 6pm because he'd deadlocked the door and best of all. He charged me for the beers I'd bought because he'd put them in his fridge the cheeky fucker!

    The night porterage charge was minute in case anyone cares. I told him not to be silly and that I wouldn't be paying all of that but paid for the room and breakfast.

    He sent a small claims letter to my employers chasing a final payment of an unsettled bill from one of their finest for......

    £3.53 and he'd itemized the lot! My boss at the time laughed his bollocks off and never let his counterpart in Yorkshire forget about it and how amazingly tight Yorkshiremen are. My boss told me to pay it and he'd give me 2 hours overtime gratis which I gladly accepted.

    Phoned up to pay the old bastard by card.... Nope need to send a cheque!

    He never did get his £3.53 and he sent some letters and I assume is still posting them to the address of the old yard which is now a housing estate and school

    Great story.

    Only thing I can add is a mate of mine that I used to play golf with & with whom I'd often stay away with at weekends playing golf. Usually we'd watch us play away somewhere, stay overnight in a B&B & play golf on the sunday before heading home. I lost count of the number of times we'd be trawling up & down streets at 9pm on a saturday night looking for the best deal going at the only places offering single rooms (we'd never share a twin room, mainly because of my snoring). £20 a night would be turned down if we could find one at £18......and then even £18 was turned down if he thought we could find one at £16. Once I stayed at a place in Southampton where it cost £15 & which the owner wanted cash upfront. I paid the owner £20 but he said he didn't have any change & that he would give me my fiver the next morning at breakfast. Morning came & I went down to breakfast to find the 2 other guests just finishing. They told me to help myself to cereal as the owner wasn't doing a cooked breakfast, had gone out & wasn't coming back. Didn't get my fiver back & cost me £20 for bed & cereal. One other time my (tightish) mate found a place charging £10. (after the Villa 4-3 game) on the basis that the bloke was still doing the place up & there was no breakfast (but there was a MacDonalds opposite). I'd happily pay £25-£30 (and often did) - making sure I got en-suite where my mate would be sharing the bathroom facilities with the other detritus staying there.
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  • clb74 said:

    I had two pints of shandy tonight
    I get half lager and half a lemonade cheaper that way

    My local kebab shop used to offer up a similar risk-free arbitrage...

    Chicken Shish £5.20
    Chicken Shish + Chips £6.70
    Chips £1.40

    Also in some pizza restaurants you can play games with the toppings - for example if a Funghi pizza (just adds mushrooms) is 80p more than a Margarita but an extra mushroom topping is £1 then you can ask for a Funghi without the mushrooms and insist they charge you 20p less than the Margarita you actually wanted.
    You need help.
  • My cousin always collects used unfranked stamps and with a sharp pair of scissors and a tube of Gloy recycles them.

    This year's Christmas card arrived with a decidedly dodgy look. On closer inspection it was the red border, which he'd obviously retrieved from a red envelope. In recent years he has stopped sending birthday cards, I can only surmise that his (used) stamp supply is drying up.
  • edited February 2018
    I used to pay my mortgage by cash over the counter once a month. I’d fill out a slip with the mortgage account no. and pay in.
    One week later I got a letter saying I owed one pence as I paid in short. This was in an envelope with a first class stamp on it.
    When I went to the W/E to pay in the penny they said they couldn’t adjust it themselves as it would amount to a loan.
  • My cousin always collects used unfranked stamps and with a sharp pair of scissors and a tube of Gloy recycles them.

    This year's Christmas card arrived with a decidedly dodgy look. On closer inspection it was the red border, which he'd obviously retrieved from a red envelope. In recent years he has stopped sending birthday cards, I can only surmise that his (used) stamp supply is drying up.

    They have redesigned the stamps so it is harder to get them off without them breaking up.
  • A group of us, about 25 or so years ago, used to meet up at the Bee Hive in New Eltham every Thursday night. One particular bloke would turn up at 10.00 and the first thing he would say is "right lads whose round is it?"

    At 10.55 and two or three rounds later he would make his apologies and say that he had to go - without getting a round in. After a couple of months of doing this it was explained to him that this was not particularly good form.

    We haven't seen him since.

  • had a mate a few years back in Bournemouth queuing into a club think it was £5 to get in or something similar and he produced this pocket of shrapnel saying this is all i've got, i can go cash point but but this time we had been in the q for 20 mins and were next lot in, so someone covered it for him, get in the club he starts chatting to 2 girls then proceeded to get a round of drinks in and pulled out about £100 to pay, fucker also has similar tendencies of getting a cab and "jumping out on route", hes play is that your going that way anyway so may aswell drop me off.
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  • clb74 said:

    Inspired by Carly Burn's tale about Albert on the 'colleague' thread, what is the most ridiculous example of tight fistedness you've ever seen?

    Non Roland related, the duct tape has been done!!

    Has a customer call to chase a 2p underpayment at work once on a payment of £3000-4000. Wasn't to balance accounts etc either, just a private individual who wanted his 2p.

    My Dad told me a bloke down his old boozer used to buy postcards abroad but post them when he got home to save on stamps.

    Was that customer elfsbourg
    Coming from somebody who will not drink in any pub other than a Wetherspoons.
  • edited February 2018
    Croydon said:

    Went to WMC in Miami a few years back, and had some tag along lads from home who were despeate to come along. For anyone who doesn't know, WMC is a 10 day period where Miami becomes like Ibiza, but with better women and no wanky

    Hard rule to enforce, that.

    Wrong type of tight fistedness anyway mate.
  • A punter came in our local and instead of just ordering a breakfast, he tried to build one ordering extras as it worked out cheaper.
    " Let me see I will have one hash brown, two sausages............." The manager intervened and said that is not the way it works in more colourful terms it has to be said.. Hence a bollocking for the poor member of staff.
  • The Brother in Law Chronicles - Volume 1

    My BIL is the tightest fucker on the planet bar none - cannot stand the big nosed prick.

    The only saving grace he had was his missus, she was a real girl next door type who had a real natural sexiness about her

    I can’t be the only one reading this scratching my head thinking “isn’t that your sister?”
    I was first thing this morning until my brain engaged and realised it was his wife's sister
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