I expect I must be the only person that has on two occasions taken a woman back to my bachelor flat and slept with them in my single bed without actually getting my end away
I expect I must be the only person that has on two occasions taken a woman back to my bachelor flat and slept with them in my single bed without actually getting my end away
Too much or not enough powder?
Haha. If I could explain the reasons I'd be out of therapy! Funnily enough I have remembered a third occasion this happened to me. I was working in the court service in London and got chatting to a nice solicitors clerk. We agreed to meet for a drink after work and at the end of the evening she invited me back to hers. I really thought I was on to something, but at the end of the evening she started going on about how all her boyfriends were wrong'uns and those type were the only ones that turned her on. Whilst I stood there wilting she took me and guided me to a spare bedroom where I spent the night alone. I wouldn't mind but it was so cold and uncomfortable I woke up with a stinking cold.
What makes all this so tragic is I am a butt ugly bore with zero charisma. To actually get a girl to bed was a major achievement for me. To get three with no end result was crushing.
Lucky for me when I finally met Miss Right she married me and we still are 30 years later.
Seems most of my stories revolve around copious amounts of alcohol.
Anyway first proper date with my wife we ended up fairly wasted and we went back to my hotel. Being amourous I picked her up and through her onto the bed. Unfortunately I missed and she cracked her head open on the bedside table. Blood was pouring everywhere and we had to get a taxi to the hospital where she has 6 stitches.
We tell everyone I had to marry her after that as she was broken.
I went out with the his girl once, we got into drinking games before heading back to her place. Surprised I was still in a functioning state down below, she knelt in front of me and started to pleasure me, unfortunately the combination of that and the drink made her puke all over it and me. The worse part is I have a very poor gag reflex and seeing her puke made me puke all over her head like a shower of vomit.
Not my finest hour.
That's a truly enduring image there All Thaid Up, made me chuckle that did.
I went out with the his girl once, we got into drinking games before heading back to her place. Surprised I was still in a functioning state down below, she knelt in front of me and started to pleasure me, unfortunately the combination of that and the drink made her puke all over it and me. The worse part is I have a very poor gag reflex and seeing her puke made me puke all over her head like a shower of vomit.
Not my finest hour.
Shame you don't have that on tape as people pay good money for that stuff.
Dated this girl, took her to Wimpy Bexleyheath - the menu was surprising good and she paid.
I had a thick beard back then and the conversation lead on to body hair... She randomly opened flies in her jeans to prove how hairy she was and 'how long' it had been since she 'had any'
Married her 4 years later.
So a girl was willing to whip out her minge mohican in a wimpy at a moment's notice, and you decided to marry that girl?
Back before I met the Mrs I was using the online dating stuff. Arranged a date at a restaurant. Everything was going fine, nice food, shared a bottle of red and then I asked for the bill. From memory came to about £80. Not a huge amount of money. Now I'm not the sort of person who is desperate to pay for the lady to show how macho I am nor am I the sort to ask for money either. As I get my wallet out she asks if I want money. I say No it's fine, she then says she feels like she should pay her way and gives me a tenner.
At that point I look at the crumpled up note and part of me feels like asking where the rest of it is. I didn't, I thought the best thing to do was accept the humiliation, leave and never talk to her again. I was absolutely fuming about that for a while after.
I went out with the his girl once, we got into drinking games before heading back to her place. Surprised I was still in a functioning state down below, she knelt in front of me and started to pleasure me, unfortunately the combination of that and the drink made her puke all over it and me. The worse part is I have a very poor gag reflex and seeing her puke made me puke all over her head like a shower of vomit.
Not my finest hour.
Shame you don't have that on tape as people pay good money for that stuff.
Not me I must add!
Sounds like Japanese film I somebody once told me about
I expect I must be the only person that has on two occasions taken a woman back to my bachelor flat and slept with them in my single bed without actually getting my end away
Too much or not enough powder?
Haha. If I could explain the reasons I'd be out of therapy! Funnily enough I have remembered a third occasion this happened to me. I was working in the court service in London and got chatting to a nice solicitors clerk. We agreed to meet for a drink after work and at the end of the evening she invited me back to hers. I really thought I was on to something, but at the end of the evening she started going on about how all her boyfriends were wrong'uns and those type were the only ones that turned her on. Whilst I stood there wilting she took me and guided me to a spare bedroom where I spent the night alone. I wouldn't mind but it was so cold and uncomfortable I woke up with a stinking cold.
What makes all this so tragic is I am a butt ugly bore with zero charisma. To actually get a girl to bed was a major achievement for me. To get three with no end result was crushing.
Lucky for me when I finally met Miss Right she married me and we still are 30 years later.
Should you consider changing your name to face a bag of nuts ;0)
Old house mate was shagging a girl in his room and the rest of us could hear them from the living room. We then heard an almighty scream followed by a load of crying. At first we all thought "Jesus he's obviously a bit of a legend" in that department until the crying continued for a good few minutes.
Shortly after said mate appeared from his room asking if we could lend him a score for a cab because he needed to take said lady to the hospital.
Turned out in the heat of the moment he had slung her legs back behind her ears a bit to sharpish and accidentally dislocated one of her knees.
Weirdest thing to happen has gotta be some treacle not wantin me to service her that night, later turned she was batting for the other team all along, so weren't my fault at all..
Old house mate was shagging a girl in his room and the rest of us could hear them from the living room. We then heard an almighty scream followed by a load of crying. At first we all thought "Jesus he's obviously a bit of a legend" in that department until the crying continued for a good few minutes.
Shortly after said mate appeared from his room asking if we could lend him a score for a cab because he needed to take said lady to the hospital.
Turned out in the heat of the moment he had slung her legs back behind her ears a bit to sharpish and accidentally dislocated one of her knees.
Weirdest thing to happen has gotta be some treacle not wantin me to service her that night, later turned she was batting for the other team all along, so weren't my fault at all..
Weirdest thing to happen has gotta be some treacle not wantin me to service her that night, later turned she was batting for the other team all along, so weren't my fault at all..
It wasn't a date, but I ended up having dinner with a girl who worked for the same company as I did. Near the end of the night she went to the toilet only to bump in to an absolute bunny boiler I worked with, who lied to her and told her I'd sneaked off home behind her back.
Fully story: I used to work with an absolute bunny boiler. She was a complete psycho and eventually I had to leave my job because she was too much of a nutjob; her name was Katie.
We were going for a works dinner at the Duck and Whaffle, up in Heron Tower. During the pre-drinks at a bar nearby, I met a lovely young girl who worked in another one of our offices - her name was Amy. We stuck together for the evening.
As there wasn't enough seats booked in the restaurant, the two of us ended up being sat elsewhere - enjoying a nice view of the London skyline. As the meals coming to an end, people are slowly saying their goodbyes and going home - leaving the two of us. One thing leads to another and we realise that she's probably going to miss the last train.
I tell her not to worry, we can arrange something between us. I tell her I'll get a round of drinks in whilst she goes to the toilet, and we can enjoy them on the balcony with the beautiful skyline. Perfect.
Except I buy the drinks and go outside.. 5 minutes pass.. 10 minutes pass.. 15 minutes... then I get a text. "Hah. I told her you'd gone home, and that I couldn't believe how rude you were not saying goodbye to her. She left quite upset..".. from Katie the bunny boiler. As I'd only just met Amy I didn't have her number.. so I was powerless and knew I wouldn't be able to catch up with her after 15 minutes. I couldn't see Katie anywhere either.
Turns out Katie had never left the restaurant - and sat near the toilets at the bar on the lower floor alone, waiting for me and Amy to leave. When she saw Amy approaching the toilets she waited, and let her know afterwards that she'd just seen me sneak out..
I arrived in the office the next day to an email in my work inbox from Amy, describing how much of an asshole I was to leave her stranded alone in London all night and how she's not surprised as Katie told her how nasty and disgusting I could be.
I was punched in the face by an overweight Scottish girl for throwing away a half eaten Subway, which little to my knowledge, she was saving for Breakfast.
One "date" I fondly recall, was when I was doing a bit of mini cabbing for some extra cash back in the 80s. I picked up this really lovely woman with her shopping and we were getting on really well as I drove her back to her house. We sat there chatting for a bit outside her house, then she said she was going out later that night, would I like to pick her up, take her to her night out with the girls then collect her later in the evening with a view to then popping in for a "coffee." So I agree to do all this, thinking that my chat up skills really were super silky smooth and I was the bees knees, and we duly arrive outside her place about half eleven. "Right," she says," just give me a moment to get rid of the baby sitter, then I'll open the door and let you in." Fair enough, I think, the way she was acting up to me, this was going to be good. So I sit in the car outside her house for 5 minutes. Which turns into 10 minutes. Then the lights go out. That's a rather strange way to get rid of a baby sitter I think to myself. Then it dawns on me. There is going to be no "coffee" here. As the clouds part to reveal an apparition of a giant Gareth Hunt in the sky giving me the coffee bean hand shuffle, I go and knock at the door. No answer. And the worst part (almost) was that I hadn't taken her fare because I thought that was going to be settled one way or the other later. I think I may have gone back there the next day to try and at least get the money she owed, but there was predictably no answer. In a funny way I later quite admired how she played me for such a complete sucker, and she was a bit of a stunner, so presumably that is how she got away with it. I wonder how many other vain cab drivers she pulled that little stunt on, eh.
One "date" I fondly recall, was when I was doing a bit of mini cabbing for some extra cash back in the 80s. I picked up this really lovely woman with her shopping and we were getting on really well as I drove her back to her house. We sat there chatting for a bit outside her house, then she said she was going out later that night, would I like to pick her up, take her to her night out with the girls then collect her later in the evening with a view to then popping in for a "coffee." So I agree to do all this, thinking that my chat up skills really were super silky smooth and I was the bees knees, and we duly arrive outside her place about half eleven. "Right," she says," just give me a moment to get rid of the baby sitter, then I'll open the door and let you in." Fair enough, I think, the way she was acting up to me, this was going to be good. So I sit in the car outside her house for 5 minutes. Which turns into 10 minutes. Then the lights go out. That's a rather strange way to get rid of a baby sitter I think to myself. Then it dawns on me. There is going to be no "coffee" here. As the clouds part to reveal a apparition of a giant Gareth Hunt in the sky giving me the coffee bean hand shuffle, I go and knock at the door. No answer. And the worst part (almost) was that I hadn't taken her fare because I thought that was going to be settled one way or the other later. I think I may have gone back there the next day to try and at least get the money she owed, but there was predictably no answer. In a funny way I later quite admired how she played me for such a complete sucker, and she was a bit of a stunner, so presumably that is how she got away with it. I wonder how many other vain cab drivers she pulled that little stunt on, eh.
One "date" I fondly recall, was when I was doing a bit of mini cabbing for some extra cash back in the 80s. I picked up this really lovely woman with her shopping and we were getting on really well as I drove her back to her house. We sat there chatting for a bit outside her house, then she said she was going out later that night, would I like to pick her up, take her to her night out with the girls then collect her later in the evening with a view to then popping in for a "coffee." So I agree to do all this, thinking that my chat up skills really were super silky smooth and I was the bees knees, and we duly arrive outside her place about half eleven. "Right," she says," just give me a moment to get rid of the baby sitter, then I'll open the door and let you in." Fair enough, I think, the way she was acting up to me, this was going to be good. So I sit in the car outside her house for 5 minutes. Which turns into 10 minutes. Then the lights go out. That's a rather strange way to get rid of a baby sitter I think to myself. Then it dawns on me. There is going to be no "coffee" here. As the clouds part to reveal a apparition of a giant Gareth Hunt in the sky giving me the coffee bean hand shuffle, I go and knock at the door. No answer. And the worst part (almost) was that I hadn't taken her fare because I thought that was going to be settled one way or the other later. I think I may have gone back there the next day to try and at least get the money she owed, but there was predictably no answer. In a funny way I later quite admired how she played me for such a complete sucker, and she was a bit of a stunner, so presumably that is how she got away with it. I wonder how many other vain cab drivers she pulled that little stunt on, eh.
You should have cracked one out through her letter box
Comments
Edit: bonus to anyone who can combine the two!!
Funnily enough I have remembered a third occasion this happened to me.
I was working in the court service in London and got chatting to a nice solicitors clerk.
We agreed to meet for a drink after work and at the end of the evening she invited me back to hers.
I really thought I was on to something, but at the end of the evening she started going on about how all her boyfriends were wrong'uns and those type were the only ones that turned her on.
Whilst I stood there wilting she took me and guided me to a spare bedroom where I spent the night alone.
I wouldn't mind but it was so cold and uncomfortable I woke up with a stinking cold.
What makes all this so tragic is I am a butt ugly bore with zero charisma.
To actually get a girl to bed was a major achievement for me.
To get three with no end result was crushing.
Lucky for me when I finally met Miss Right she married me and we still are 30 years later.
Anyway first proper date with my wife we ended up fairly wasted and we went back to my hotel. Being amourous I picked her up and through her onto the bed. Unfortunately I missed and she cracked her head open on the bedside table. Blood was pouring everywhere and we had to get a taxi to the hospital where she has 6 stitches.
We tell everyone I had to marry her after that as she was broken.
Not me I must add!
Back before I met the Mrs I was using the online dating stuff. Arranged a date at a restaurant. Everything was going fine, nice food, shared a bottle of red and then I asked for the bill. From memory came to about £80. Not a huge amount of money. Now I'm not the sort of person who is desperate to pay for the lady to show how macho I am nor am I the sort to ask for money either. As I get my wallet out she asks if I want money. I say No it's fine, she then says she feels like she should pay her way and gives me a tenner.
At that point I look at the crumpled up note and part of me feels like asking where the rest of it is. I didn't, I thought the best thing to do was accept the humiliation, leave and never talk to her again. I was absolutely fuming about that for a while after.
Isomebody once told me aboutShortly after said mate appeared from his room asking if we could lend him a score for a cab because he needed to take said lady to the hospital.
Turned out in the heat of the moment he had slung her legs back behind her ears a bit to sharpish and accidentally dislocated one of her knees.
Why do you think they use strap ons?!!!!
Fully story: I used to work with an absolute bunny boiler. She was a complete psycho and eventually I had to leave my job because she was too much of a nutjob; her name was Katie.
We were going for a works dinner at the Duck and Whaffle, up in Heron Tower. During the pre-drinks at a bar nearby, I met a lovely young girl who worked in another one of our offices - her name was Amy. We stuck together for the evening.
As there wasn't enough seats booked in the restaurant, the two of us ended up being sat elsewhere - enjoying a nice view of the London skyline. As the meals coming to an end, people are slowly saying their goodbyes and going home - leaving the two of us. One thing leads to another and we realise that she's probably going to miss the last train.
I tell her not to worry, we can arrange something between us. I tell her I'll get a round of drinks in whilst she goes to the toilet, and we can enjoy them on the balcony with the beautiful skyline. Perfect.
Except I buy the drinks and go outside.. 5 minutes pass.. 10 minutes pass.. 15 minutes... then I get a text. "Hah. I told her you'd gone home, and that I couldn't believe how rude you were not saying goodbye to her. She left quite upset..".. from Katie the bunny boiler. As I'd only just met Amy I didn't have her number.. so I was powerless and knew I wouldn't be able to catch up with her after 15 minutes. I couldn't see Katie anywhere either.
Turns out Katie had never left the restaurant - and sat near the toilets at the bar on the lower floor alone, waiting for me and Amy to leave. When she saw Amy approaching the toilets she waited, and let her know afterwards that she'd just seen me sneak out..
I arrived in the office the next day to an email in my work inbox from Amy, describing how much of an asshole I was to leave her stranded alone in London all night and how she's not surprised as Katie told her how nasty and disgusting I could be.
So I agree to do all this, thinking that my chat up skills really were super silky smooth and I was the bees knees, and we duly arrive outside her place about half eleven.
"Right," she says," just give me a moment to get rid of the baby sitter, then I'll open the door and let you in."
Fair enough, I think, the way she was acting up to me, this was going to be good.
So I sit in the car outside her house for 5 minutes. Which turns into 10 minutes.
Then the lights go out.
That's a rather strange way to get rid of a baby sitter I think to myself.
Then it dawns on me.
There is going to be no "coffee" here.
As the clouds part to reveal an apparition of a giant Gareth Hunt in the sky giving me the coffee bean hand shuffle, I go and knock at the door.
No answer.
And the worst part (almost) was that I hadn't taken her fare because I thought that was going to be settled one way or the other later.
I think I may have gone back there the next day to try and at least get the money she owed, but there was predictably no answer.
In a funny way I later quite admired how she played me for such a complete sucker, and she was a bit of a stunner, so presumably that is how she got away with it. I wonder how many other vain cab drivers she pulled that little stunt on, eh.