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top 5 bodily acts

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  • Carter said:

    Ejaculating
    Pissing when bladder full to bursting
    Farting
    Getting the itch sqaure in the middle of back
    But my absolute fav, numero uno has to be crimping off a nice, long, tapered crap. One that just glides out and enters the water whilst still attached, silently, like an assasin. Leaving you feeling absolutely empty and that upon having a suspected unnecessary wipe it turns out to be a no-wiper. Absolute bliss

    ...and the winner is...carter the unstoppable,,,
  • If it feels like the arse is falling out of your world then let the world fall out of your arse.

    Nothing makes you feel better than a good turn-out
  • I will give you this shooters. You are as bonkers as a box of frogs but you take the banter well.

    thank you beds, its our premier british trait, correct - self deprecation, taking the piss out of y'self? in sharp contrast to where i currently reside.
    You are currently residing in the wrong part of this nation, obviously.

  • Farting
    Having a piss when your at the limit
    Scratching that itch you can just about make
    Sleeping
    Laughing
  • PL54 said:

    If it feels like the arse is falling out of your world then let the world fall out of your arse.

    Nothing makes you feel better than a good turn-out

    brilliant, i may quote you in my client sessions:>)
  • limeygent said:

    I will give you this shooters. You are as bonkers as a box of frogs but you take the banter well.

    thank you beds, its our premier british trait, correct - self deprecation, taking the piss out of y'self? in sharp contrast to where i currently reside.
    You are currently residing in the wrong part of this nation, obviously.

    wrong part of the world more like lg, but the relocation research is gathering pace...girlfriend is pressing me for a 2014 departure...
  • Pissing
    Rasping
    Itching
    Cutting
    Knocking
  • watching colin powell gallop down the wing
    watching derek hales score
    watching nicky johns shot stop
    watching paul walsh score
    watching jorge cpsta tackle

    Watching Alan Dugdale attempt any of the above.
    wow, i had forgotten alan dugdale - he was definitely one of the most average/forgettable players for me...was he that noticeably bad?
  • Making the toilet when you are in "panic shit" mode.

    Had one of them moments last night!
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  • I will give you this shooters. You are as bonkers as a box of frogs but you take the banter well.

    thank you beds, its our premier british trait, correct - self deprecation, taking the piss out of y'self? in sharp contrast to where i currently reside.
    You seem to really despise Americans and America, Why do you live there?
    i despise arrogance/elitism, whether american, zionist, british too in some cases, wherever i find it. i have been here in el-lay 25+ years for a variety of reasons, first for various womyn, work & sunshine, and subsequently & mainly, that for 100% raw vegans, you are very well served by organic fruit/veg street markets within 20 mins, 7 days a week.
  • I will give you this shooters. You are as bonkers as a box of frogs but you take the banter well.

    thank you beds, its our premier british trait, correct - self deprecation, taking the piss out of y'self? in sharp contrast to where i currently reside.
    You seem to really despise Americans and America, Why do you live there?
    i despise arrogance/elitism, whether american, zionist, british too in some cases, wherever i find it. i have been here in el-lay 25+ years for a variety of reasons, first for various womyn, work & sunshine, and subsequently & mainly, that for 100% raw vegans, you are very well served by organic fruit/veg street markets within 20 mins, 7 days a week.
    I would imagine that you can buy/obtain organic fruit/vegetables many places in the world where you wouldn't be so miserable in your surroundings, for goodness sakes man, make it happen, put us all out of your misery.

  • limeygent said:

    I will give you this shooters. You are as bonkers as a box of frogs but you take the banter well.

    thank you beds, its our premier british trait, correct - self deprecation, taking the piss out of y'self? in sharp contrast to where i currently reside.
    You seem to really despise Americans and America, Why do you live there?
    i despise arrogance/elitism, whether american, zionist, british too in some cases, wherever i find it. i have been here in el-lay 25+ years for a variety of reasons, first for various womyn, work & sunshine, and subsequently & mainly, that for 100% raw vegans, you are very well served by organic fruit/veg street markets within 20 mins, 7 days a week.
    I would imagine that you can buy/obtain organic fruit/vegetables many places in the world where you wouldn't be so miserable in your surroundings, for goodness sakes man, make it happen, put us all out of your misery.

    sadly, insane chemical agriculture is increasingly global, even in remote rural areas (with the exception of one nation it seems, bhutan), but really appreciate your farewell wishes lg, and we WILL be one way ticketing somewhere tropical soon;>)
  • limeygent said:

    I will give you this shooters. You are as bonkers as a box of frogs but you take the banter well.

    thank you beds, its our premier british trait, correct - self deprecation, taking the piss out of y'self? in sharp contrast to where i currently reside.
    You seem to really despise Americans and America, Why do you live there?
    i despise arrogance/elitism, whether american, zionist, british too in some cases, wherever i find it. i have been here in el-lay 25+ years for a variety of reasons, first for various womyn, work & sunshine, and subsequently & mainly, that for 100% raw vegans, you are very well served by organic fruit/veg street markets within 20 mins, 7 days a week.
    I would imagine that you can buy/obtain organic fruit/vegetables many places in the world where you wouldn't be so miserable in your surroundings, for goodness sakes man, make it happen, put us all out of your misery.

    sadly, insane chemical agriculture is increasingly global, even in remote rural areas (with the exception of one nation it seems, bhutan), but really appreciate your farewell wishes lg, and we WILL be one way ticketing somewhere tropical soon;>)
    Please be sure to let us know how happy you are.
  • i'll be sure to extend an invite;>)
  • limeygent said:

    I will give you this shooters. You are as bonkers as a box of frogs but you take the banter well.

    thank you beds, its our premier british trait, correct - self deprecation, taking the piss out of y'self? in sharp contrast to where i currently reside.
    You seem to really despise Americans and America, Why do you live there?
    i despise arrogance/elitism, whether american, zionist, british too in some cases, wherever i find it. i have been here in el-lay 25+ years for a variety of reasons, first for various womyn, work & sunshine, and subsequently & mainly, that for 100% raw vegans, you are very well served by organic fruit/veg street markets within 20 mins, 7 days a week.
    I would imagine that you can buy/obtain organic fruit/vegetables many places in the world where you wouldn't be so miserable in your surroundings, for goodness sakes man, make it happen, put us all out of your misery.

    sadly, insane chemical agriculture is increasingly global, even in remote rural areas (with the exception of one nation it seems, bhutan), but really appreciate your farewell wishes lg, and we WILL be one way ticketing somewhere tropical soon;>)
    Here's another option for you.

    www.royalgreenwich.gov.uk/.../allotments/...
  • limeygent said:

    I will give you this shooters. You are as bonkers as a box of frogs but you take the banter well.

    thank you beds, its our premier british trait, correct - self deprecation, taking the piss out of y'self? in sharp contrast to where i currently reside.
    You are currently residing in the wrong part of this nation, obviously.

    wrong part of the world more like lg, but the relocation research is gathering pace...girlfriend is pressing me for a 2014 departure...
    She wants rid of you too, eh?
  • limeygent said:

    limeygent said:

    I will give you this shooters. You are as bonkers as a box of frogs but you take the banter well.

    thank you beds, its our premier british trait, correct - self deprecation, taking the piss out of y'self? in sharp contrast to where i currently reside.
    You are currently residing in the wrong part of this nation, obviously.

    wrong part of the world more like lg, but the relocation research is gathering pace...girlfriend is pressing me for a 2014 departure...
    She wants rid of you too, eh?
    funneeee, nah, lucyluv n me are trippn' off to the tropics together...
  • Carter said:

    Ejaculating

    But my absolute fav, numero uno has to be crimping off a nice, long, tapered crap. One that just glides out and enters the water whilst still attached, silently, like an assasin. Leaving you feeling absolutely empty and that upon having a suspected unnecessary wipe it turns out to be a no-wiper. Absolute bliss

    Poetry.

    I would add that second to this would be the excited quicker stomach clenching version accompanied by your arse playing the William Tell Overture and all the lights going on and off in your head...
  • I also have the dilemma of a number two...






    sorry wrong thread :OD
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  • A short story.

    When I was about 18 and went out with some colleagues for a beer at lunchtime, a guy in his 50s called Tom sometimes joined us. One day, talk turned to what we had got up to with girlfriends the night before (this was the early 70s, a more innocent time). After a while, old Tom chipped in with " Bollocks to that old nonsense, I'd rather have a bloody good shit these days". Cue incredulous looks and much laughter from us young uns.

    Now, I'm 59 next week and yet to be convinced by old Tom's argument in favour of a crap over more carnal pleasures.......

    ........ but @Carter has come as close as anyone ever has to capturing the sheer joy of a poo. Hat duly doffed.
  • Carter said:


    But my absolute fav, numero uno has to be crimping off a nice, long, tapered crap. One that just glides out and enters the water whilst still attached, silently, like an assasin. Leaving you feeling absolutely empty and that upon having a suspected unnecessary wipe it turns out to be a no-wiper. Absolute bliss

    no-wiper = Brucie bonus.
  • Inhaling the smell of burnt racing oil.
    Savouring the flavor of a beautifully prepared steak.
    Intimate times with my lovely lady.
    Listening to great music.
    Turning off electronic devices when they start playing country music.

    In no particular order.
  • edited July 2014
    Waking up at 06:30
    Stretching after getting out of bed
    Having breakfast
    Going back to bed as it's a Sunday
    Waking up an hour later, realising it's Monday and rushing to get ready for and then into work.
  • limeygent said:

    Inhaling the smell of burnt racing oil.

    Mmm, Castrol R. Always reminds me of my dad taking me to brands hatch as a kid and standing by the starting grid at a classic car race.
  • Hammering on delete on threads like this !
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