I was wondering if anyone here can recommend a lawyer/Adviser for a family member who has 2 kids and a cheating wife. Basically, he needs to talk to someone regarding rights and how he should proceed and protect himself. Any suggestions gratefully received.
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Tread very carefully indeed, consider the kid's best interests not punishment for a cheating partner and be very sceptical about hiring family solicitors.
All cases are different but sadly there is almost no such thing as "Father's rights" and a huge amount of money can be wasted finding that out. Most firms will give a free / low cost "initial consultation" which will give you the legal bad news but from that point forward consider mediation or if necessary representing yourself in court. F4J used to have lots of expertise within its ranks and there is lots of advice online.
Also bear in mind that who is cheating or not cheating on who is completely irrelevant in the family courts and whatever route you choose (assuming mutual/amicable split is not possible) will be painful, expensive and probably take at least 2 years to get resolved.
I think the advice about thinking of the children rather than punishment for the cheat is very sound indeed. Playing the 'better man' card now will surely be good for the kids, and serve for the good when they grow up later down the line.
Also a word of warning about CAFCASS: don't expect much help from them. They will properly concentrate on what's in the children's best interests and are quite capable of deciding that not seeing their dad is ok.
Best advice is to be nice to your wife because believe me, she hold all the aces and it can cost you a small fortune to find that out the hard way.
try to never argue in front of them and always be civil in front of them.
we managed to work everything out between us and used an online divorce firm and came to an arrangement with regards to our daughter in that we have basically an equal 50/50 residency rights, it works well and our daughter is very happy and settled - if you can do this without involving costly lawyers then I'd strongly recommend trying this.
best of luck
A couple of recommendations from personal experience. Do not use CWJ in Orpington. I cannot stress that enough. Absolutely fcuking hopeless, disorganised, incompetent and will cost you a fortune. I ended up doing a lot of the work for them.
In contrast, my ex-wife's solictors Stanton's in Gravesend were bloody excellent and was giving me better advice than my own solicitors.
Now matter how much he hates his cheating wife, he needs to try and keep his relationship with her as amicable as possible and it'll work out better in the long run. I'm fortunate that I get on better with my ex-wife now than I ever did. Dont get me wrong, part of me will always hate the b*tch for what she did to me and the financial struggle she's left me in but she's still the mother of my daughter and I have to look past that. I'm sure my relationship with my daughter is helped by the fact her parents can sit down together and be amicable.
He doesnt need to go anywhere near FfJ.
Needless to say he is not aware of her intentions, although he does know that we will be living in separate houses and he will be living with me.
Thus I will be looking at this for another angle. I will be looking, in due course, into the way the courts and/the CSA will aware me a chunk of her salary for maintenance payments. I'm not particularly looking for her money, but I think she needs to have some concept of the price of 'freedom', but more importantly the cost of deserting her son.
She, currently, seems to think that when the house is sold she will walk away with thousands of pounds and will start a new life with lots of money, lots of time, and with me as free child care while she enjoys her freedom and she will be able to swan in and out picking up our son for a day out a couple of times a month and taking him out and spoiling him believing that this is adequate parenting.
I feel sorry for Fathers that don't see their children but I find the behaviour of their ex-wives (stopping their children from seeing their dads) just as strange as that of my wife in deciding that she no longer wants to live with her's any more.
Pick your battles within the procedure ie if she wants the 3 piece suite let her have it,
Also there is no such thing as custody they just try to find a balance however as a fella your starting point is 70/30 against
It's a long hard road but if you are both grown up it can be a little easier !
Do not use the kids as pawns! They don't deserve it.
Basically there are no minimum/established rights for father's that are set out in law that offer legally binding guarantees.
There is such a thing as parental responsibility though and you should google for a "Parental Responsibility Agreement" form. However this needs to be signed by both parents - but if the other half doesn't sign it a court order can be granted that mandates visiting hours/times and input into key decisions such as medical treatment, education etc. How much the judge gives depends on the individual case and circumstances.
Try and do mediation and there have been some great posts on here already. As others have said try and get on with your ex as believe me when a woman really loves you they love you when they dont, look out.
Remember whats theirs is theirs and whats yours is half theirs. I got 27.3% of our assets and she got the rest. I.e I had to leave the home and she got it, and 6 months after i left the other fella moved in (thats after i put a co-habitation agreement in for 6 months after the divorce.
I know you wont believe it now, but one day you will look back on it and think what the hell was i worried about. If you have too, walk away with your head high and do the best for your children. As others have said the courts decide the right of the kids there not wooried about where you will live from now on.
I still haven't sorted out the financial stuff with my ex-wife..........she & the 3 kids still live in the family home & I live in a 1 bed flat, even though the house & mortgage is mine. Neither of us are trying to "screw" the other & just trying to get on with our lives the best we can. Nothing can change the fact you have had children together & both of you will be in their lives for ever - best to get along best you can from day one & give your kids the best upbringing you can.
I had to go to court for access (£200 cost to me) after she stopped me seeing my kids for over 4 months. (2 months of which were waiting for the court date). I won the case.
So she played ball for a few months then after moving from Catford to North Harrow (without telling me) decided she couldnt be bothered to travel across London to bring my kids to me as per the agreement. This again went on for months. She breached the court order 25+ times.
When we finally got back to court for my enforcement of the order (I had to pay the £200 again) , the judge decided rather than punish her, or even reprimand her, he would reward her with no longer having to bring the children to me or pick them up.
Result is now I have them every other weekend. 8 hours of which I spend travelling from where I live and back to pick them up. That sums up family court justice for fathers in this country.
That is fathers rights for you. We don't have any. Judges have no interest in the past, they are only interested in the future. That future means fortnightly access, and no interest in reprimanding or punishing mothers who decide once again they wont let their children see their father.
I give it a couple more months and I suspect I'll be back in the same place again. This time round I have no idea what I'll do, because going to court has had no benefit to me at all.
Best advice I can give, even if your ex is a horrible piece of work like my ex has turned out to be, do your upmost to keep things on good terms. Because the second she decides to mess you about with the kids there will be nothing you can do about it.
I thought I had a relatively tight case against my ex but was told by the court that I was wasting their time etc by being objectionable. Incidentally everything I objected about in court is now coming true and the ex is using those objections as a basis of changing everything again. It cost me £21k in all to not get the outcome I wanted but I know I can look my daughter in the eye when she grows up and tell her how I fought for what I believed to be in her best interests, not mine.
Don't be put off though but please, be realistic.
The court will be more than interested in securing access for the father if he's genuine about it, but they will encourage him to talk to his wife and sort it between them, or use mediation - and that's good advice, because a divorce can all become very messy very quickly however well-intentioned the two parties. He should probably recognise though that the court will almost certainly award residency to the mother, but won't vary from joint custody unless there's very good reason. This gives him some say in their future, at least.
So, as asked, what do you mean ? I will be thanking those who have advised and updating in due course.
When it comes to court you need very deep pockets. It's difficult to enforce anything if the mother doesn't want to play ball.
Best hope is to keep on good terms with your ex.