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Silly Things People Say!

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  • edited November 2017
    We bought new car last year (2nd hand) - first car we have had with cruise control.

    On the way back I demonstrated how it works i.e. foot off the loud pedal

    My wife said 'so does it mean you don't have to steer as well ?'
  • We bought new car last year (2nd hand) - first car we have had with cruise control.

    On the way back I demonstrated how it works i.e. foot off the loud pedal

    My wife said 'so does it mean you don't have to steer as well ?'

    TBF driverless cars are just around the corner. She might have thought you were ahead of the game.
  • Stig said:

    We bought new car last year (2nd hand) - first car we have had with cruise control.

    On the way back I demonstrated how it works i.e. foot off the loud pedal

    My wife said 'so does it mean you don't have to steer as well ?'

    TBF driverless cars are just around the corner. She might have thought you were ahead of the game.
    If you knew my wife, you would realise the folly of your comment :-)
  • tom- k said:

    A mate of mines missus works in a clothing shop.

    A guy comes in with cerebral palsy and slightly swaying.

    The girl rushes over and shouts excitedly "I love this song too!!" grabs the guys hands and starts dancing with him around the shop!

    She was mortified when she found out.

    Seriously cant have happened...? Am crying with laughter over that

    Christ I'm going straight to hell
  • Stig said:

    We bought new car last year (2nd hand) - first car we have had with cruise control.

    On the way back I demonstrated how it works i.e. foot off the loud pedal

    My wife said 'so does it mean you don't have to steer as well ?'

    TBF driverless cars are just around the corner. She might have thought you were ahead of the game.
    A driverless car just around the corner...........your worst f’ing nightmare!
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  • Curb_It said:

    We bought new car last year (2nd hand) - first car we have had with cruise control.

    On the way back I demonstrated how it works i.e. foot off the loud pedal

    My wife said 'so does it mean you don't have to steer as well ?'

    Ermmmm that is a perfectly reasonable question to ask.

    With your history on this thread I’d keep quiet B
  • One for all you City folk. 100% true.

    Youngest son Joe has worked as a market maker / share trader for a company situated over Canon St station for about 18 years, starting as a blue button.

    A few years ago my wife bumped into an old friend she hadn't see for a while who asked how Joe was getting on.

    Wife replied " Joe's doing really well, but he only started out as a bluebottle you know"
  • A friend said they were at Nottingham uni. My girlfriend started chatting rubbish so I said "do you even know where Nottingham is?"

    "Yes, it's on the way to Bath".

    We live in Kent.

    She thought you said Mottingham.
  • A girlfriend once asked me whether unicorns were real. She was fairly sure they weren't but just wanted to check.
  • A girlfriend once asked me whether unicorns were real. She was fairly sure they weren't but just wanted to check.

    A friend of my sister was marrying a girl who said that she wanted to turn up at the church on one! That’d have been enough for me to cancel it.
  • DA9 said:

    My gf said a few years back, sitting in the car on the way back from Heathrow after returning from a 10 week business trip, 2 weeks in each of the following cities, Beijing, Singapore, Bangkok, Hong Kong, and various others
    “I’m so looking forward to a decent Chinese”

    Not that unreasonable actually, I eat Chinese food, in China, everyday. I'll be back home for 5 days in December and I'm also looking forward to an 'English Chinese' it's really nothing at all like the stuff they serve here and nice in it's very own way.

  • DA9 said:

    My gf said a few years back, sitting in the car on the way back from Heathrow after returning from a 10 week business trip, 2 weeks in each of the following cities, Beijing, Singapore, Bangkok, Hong Kong, and various others
    “I’m so looking forward to a decent Chinese”

    Not that unreasonable actually, I eat Chinese food, in China, everyday. I'll be back home for 5 days in December and I'm also looking forward to an 'English Chinese' it's really nothing at all like the stuff they serve here and nice in it's very own way.

    Do you live out that way then, @Stu_of_Kunming ?
    Bit of a personal question that mate, a private bloke like yourself should understand ;)
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  • This came up on yesterday's walk as we saw the City airport.

    A few years back we flew from there to Dublin for the weekend, the take off is quite steep and as we banked away I commented to my wife how stunning The Valley looked from up there. Returning on Sunday evening the plane was full of businessmen and we were virtually the only couple on the the flight, we turned on approach when my wife said very loudly. Look Ray we are back over Charltons ground, half the passenger list looked out the window including me to see a huge Nike swoosh, it was Highbury! Cue, much sniggering.....
  • watching man city v man utd -
    "do you have to be under 21 to be full back"
    "how old do you have to be to be a striker"
    "didnt jessie lingrab (??) used to play for charlton"
    "how many times are you allowed to be offside"
    had a question every 30 secs for 90+ mins ... did my head in ...
  • watching man city v man utd -
    "do you have to be under 21 to be full back"
    "how old do you have to be to be a striker"
    "didnt jessie lingrab (??) used to play for charlton"
    "how many times are you allowed to be offside"
    had a question every 30 secs for 90+ mins ... did my head in ...

    schoolboy error - she should have been in the kitchen doing your dinner. :smile:
  • edited April 2018
    A pregnant daughter of one of my mates was moaning about her midwife the other week.
    Preggers: I don't like my midwife.
    Me: why?
    P: She is always saying I should do stuff.
    M: like what?
    P: like breast feeding, urgh it is disgusting and isn't natural.
  • in a petrol station old guy at the desk tells the cashier he is having a cataract operation ----the woman taking his dosh says "my dad had that done" ----old guy"how did he get on?" ----- her " his dead" FFS !!!

    i really did lol as did the other cashier but all she kept saying was "well he is"
  • DA9 said:

    Another classic from my gf, years ago shopping in the old co-op in Dartford town centre, Me: can you grab some of those carrots please? Her: what, the orange ones?
    Woman in the same aisle gave me a sympathetic look

    Not stocking heritage carrots in their various hues, one of the chief reasons Dartford's ropy old Co-op went bust, probably.
    For the embarassingly undereducated out there, carrots naturally occur in a range of colours, Britain's indigenous species included purple, long since replaced by the Romans's inferior orange variants.
  • Just remembered another pearl of wisdom

    Driving a few years ago in the dark on a duel carriageway - doing 40 in a 50 zone - no other cars on the road - speed camera randomly goes off on the other side of the road

    I said 'what happened there, it can't have been our car'

    Wife says 'perhaps it was a rabbit that set it off'

    Must have been a bloody fast rabbit !!

    ...duel carriageway... 'kin 'ell sounds dangerous
    do you have to bring your own lances, shields, swords, etc? or is there a booth or smthn where you can pick them up when you arrive?
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