If we are out and I have kept away from the score, I have to go to the match thread and follow it all the way through for luck. She always moans at me for taking too long and tells me to just look at the score and get it over with. If I ever do that and we have lost, I will blame her for us losing and have the hump all day.
Writer and/or singer can be foreign. I was commissioned to write the Belarus entry in 2005.
Where did it come ?
Unbeleiveby the then Prime Minister replaced the song and singer at the last moment and entered his own girlfriend...the very same thing happened this year.
I went out yesterday morning to stain/paint the garden fence. There are 9 panels & I said it'll take me all day. I popped in after half an hour for a coffee. "You finished then" she said. Grrrrrr ....
Had to have an area of skin cancer removed a couple of months ago from my forehead. Took ages to heal, finally took the dressing off and at work the woman I sit opposite said, "oh it doesn't look too bad, once you get a bit of sun on it should be fine"
I said, "I have to go for a jimmy", to an ex, and poppoed to the loo.
When I came back she looked confused and said, "what do you mean, jimmy?" "Well, it's rhyming slang", I said to her. "Oh right." She said seeming to have got it before piping up with, "well who is Jimmy Piss?"
Car journey with the kids and ex, going through the alphabet naming birds, get to D on her turn and she says... Dildo, tried telling her she meant Dodo, but she wouldn't have it.
Car journey with the kids and ex, going through the alphabet naming birds, get to D on her turn and she says... Dildo, tried telling her she meant Dodo, but she wouldn't have it.
You can see where she went wrong, one is often seen stuffed in a public place, the other is often used for stuffing in a private place.
family quiz on xmas day some years ago my mum got the question..."whats the capital of Belgium?" she hesitated for a while ,and me dad said "heres a clue you had it with your dinner" she answered "Turkey"
4 of us going to see Stone Roses on Saturday. One being my wife, who doesn't go to that many gigs.
Me : We'll meet up in the pub around 2pm, if that ok with you ?
Her: Fine, at least we'll be able to have a couple of drinks, as we won't be drinking in there will we ? FFS.
I'd say she's clever. In Manchester at the Stone Roses gig I didn't have a single drink as we got crushed in a bar queue for nearly 2 hours and had to climb over the bar to get out. Massive nightmare queues for bars.
Seeing a girl whose first language in Chinese results in lots and lots of 'WTF' moments when she uses the wrong word.
To be fair it's get a lot more interesting when she insists we speak in Chinese. I think I've said something correctly and she is just pissing herself laughing at me.
Comments
Her "Would you like a 6 inch or foot long?"
Me (A bit green and not thinking) "Err 12 inch please!"
Her "Sorry, but they only come in 6 inch or foot long.'
http://www.charltonlife.com/discussion/19050/jokes#latest
For some reason you need to click on the picture.
JT, I aint.
I popped in after half an hour for a coffee.
"You finished then" she said. Grrrrrr ....
Yes no prob say I. Who going to see? Muse she says. I look up their schedule and they are playing at the Emirates.
When I came back she looked confused and said, "what do you mean, jimmy?"
"Well, it's rhyming slang", I said to her.
"Oh right." She said seeming to have got it before piping up with, "well who is Jimmy Piss?"
Me: "Why"
Her: "It's just not working"
Me: "What do you mean it's not working"
Her: "I'm sleeping with your best mate"
Mrs MAM: Where's the plug off the hoover?
Me: On the Christmas tree lights
Mrs MAM: When did you do that then?
"so if it ends 0-0, it's penalties then extra time"
FFS
Me "No, been trying for the last 5 mins, gonna check the box in a minute."
Her "I bet its because I unplugged it earlier!"
Give me strength FFS!
Me : We'll meet up in the pub around 2pm, if that ok with you ?
Her: Fine, at least we'll be able to have a couple of drinks, as we won't be drinking in there will we ? FFS.
my mum got the question..."whats the capital of Belgium?"
she hesitated for a while ,and me dad said "heres a clue you had it with your dinner"
she answered "Turkey"
doh!
In Manchester at the Stone Roses gig I didn't have a single drink as we got crushed in a bar queue for nearly 2 hours and had to climb over the bar to get out.
Massive nightmare queues for bars.
The dozy wife said she was turning it off to 'save electricity' - incroyable!
To be fair it's get a lot more interesting when she insists we speak in Chinese. I think I've said something correctly and she is just pissing herself laughing at me.