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The definitive Top 100 'YOURE NOT PROPER CHARLTON UNLESS......'

edited January 2007 in General Charlton
1. You knew him as Al, Al, Super Al and not Super, Super Al

2. You were in one of those 800 crowds at Selhurst

3. You thought Gordon Watson was going to go on and be a superstar

4. You've never seen a player more skillful than Morts

5. You've never seen a player worse than Ralph Milne

6. You were one of the first 400 subscribers to the Valiant 500. The next 200-odd were johnny come lately's

7. You thought Killer could take on King Kong, and win

8. You've bought peanuts for a tanner a bag

9. You refused to shop in Sainsbury's because it was linked to Selhurst

10. You ripped the Palace badge off the corner of your ticket as soon as you walked through the Selhurst turnstyles.

11. You knew who Steven Alan was and was happy to be part of his red and white army.

12. Whenever you pass Barry Nugent out and about you want to shout 'Nugget, Nugget, Nugget, we want a cup of tea'

13. You've asked Headphones Norm what the scores were during a game.

14. You were on the Valley pitch at the Stoke match.

15. You look forward to the pre-season drink up at Welling United more than a trip to Old Trafford or Stamford Bridge

16. You've been to an away game that was cancelled. Bonus points if you took in another game.

17. You really believed that 'Things Could Only Get Better'

18. You were part of Valley Away, and branded morons by your manager

19. You stood on a near deserted East Terrace

20. You broke into the Valley during the exile. Bonus points for cameras.

21. You were proud when Motty boasted of the 'European standard' floodlights

22. You remember when Charlton songs were more than just Europop der, der, der's and dee, dee, dee's

23. To you, it was Martin, Martin Robinson scoring goals, not Johnny, Johnny Robinson.

24. You marched to Woolwich Town Hall. Bonus points for getting a seat inside, and double bonus if like Buckshee you're sporting a dodgy barnet on the video.

25. Half time was a bovril not a frothy, stroppy latte, a dog burger not a spinich and broccoli slice, and wagon wheel not a fruseli bar

26. You've been a ballboy or mascot, or a junior red on the pitch

27. You've a draw or loft full of old Voice of the Valley's, Goodbye Horses, Valiants Viewpoint, Lennie Lawrence's or Remember Remember's.

28. It was weird seeing something Charlton related in the Shoot, Topical Times Annuals.

29. Sunday nights we're radio nights. You wanted to smash Vic from Charlton into The Thames. You sometimes taped the radio show to listen on the way to work.

30. You've been in a pub where Killer, Colin Walsh, Stuart Balmer, or Eddie Youds were drunk.

31. You've been in a nightclub when Scott Minto or Anthony Barness was on the pull.

32. You remember when the Player of the Year do's were proper low market booze ups.

33. You've always thought it was criminal Johnny Humphrey didn't get the England call.

34. You try not to but you can't help but dislike Scott Parker for railroading our most successful season.

35. You've had a heated debate defending the fact Leaburn does a fantastic job for the team.

36. You've nearly got into a fight with a Leaburn defender after branding him the worst footballer ever in the world.

37. You actually attended away games at the Old Den, unlike others.

38. You had a pointy hat with Charlton on one side, and a Scottish club on another.

39. You sung 'we'll never play you again' to Palace in our promotion season.

40. You were at both Carlisle and Blackburn for confirmation.

41. The atmosphere at Portman Road for the 1st leg was the most electric you can remember

42. The feeling standing in the tiny corner of St Andrews was the most scared you can remember

43. You remember when toilets were open air walls, not mirrored and full of hand dryers

44. You did the conga at Barnsley on the week before going back to The Valley

45. You made a late decision to go Highbury on hearing we could be going back to the Valley.

46. You travelled to an away game on a bus with no toilet, where you could smoke and drink. Where the coach was a fog by the Dartford Tunnel. Where you broke down on the way home.

47. You've fallen to the deck on a terrace after a Charlton goal, and not being able to get back up again as the surge falls over you.

48. You wanted Gritty to get the job, not Curbs.

49. Though living a non-lawbreaking existance, you get a sense of pride when you see Charlton graffitti

50. Whether for the return, or the snow at the den, or talal in the last minute, the 5th of December will always be your favourite day of the year.

51. You've drunk in the Waterman's Arms

52. You've hung around for a Kisella fisting and a Powelly leap

53. You've travelled on a football special

54. You really believed we'd go through up at Boro, that it was 'our year'

55. You thought Lennie was a bit out of order regarding Alan Kernagan

56. You were one of the 86,000 that claimed to see the Huddersfield comeback, despite the offical attendance of 12,535

57. You remember when players actually had to play in mud. West Brom away was one of the worst you had seen

58. You choked up when you heard about Tommy Caton

59. You thought the Inter Milan tie up was a massive coup, and would send us on to great things.

60. You thought Neil Redfearn was just what we needed to stay up, a goalscoring midfielder.

61. You saw Flanagan and Killer trading blows with each other

62. You been on a Barmy Betty Hutchins coach, or bought a Mars Bar off Syd Cheesewright for 60p.

63. You wondered if the Archbishop Desmond Tutu really did sponsor Charlton players.

64. You attended a Sparrows Lane open day and was an original Valley Golder

65. You could not believe that was Alan Simonsen on the other side of the pitch

66. You don't know whether to laugh or cry at the name Kelvin Morton

67. You could not believe that 14,838 said YES

68. You've possessed a novelty Charlton t-shirt. Bonus for 'i've seen the donkey's at the Selhurst Park Donkey Sanctuary'

69. Thinking that if Jesus Christ was a Superstar, then so was Arthur Horsfield

70. You witnessed Chelsea taking, and torching the Covered End.

71. Hearing rumours that Millwall we're going to show up.

72. You've wondered whether that Addick / Haddock link-up is really a load of old bollocks

73. You spent 45 minutes watching Chris Powell's every touch with pride and fear in his debut against Spain

74. You know where you were when you heard Dowie had been sacked.

75. You know what the initials ETCYT stand for

76. You get frustrated when the club don't confirm a rumour within 28 minutes

77. You remember when the only piece of free Charlton info you could get would be the Mercury on a Thursday.

78. You couldn't take no more waiting till Thursday, and phoned Clubcall at 40p/min

79. You thought Target 10,000 was 'pushing it a bit'

80. You've sung to Eltham Addick's old man, Les, 'who's up Sooty's arse, Matthew, Matthew Corbitt' despite him clearly getting the hump with it.

81. You we're still paying for Junior Red ticket when you were 20 years old.

82, You thought Killer looked cool in his Killer tracksuit

83. You've drunk in the Waterman's Arms

84. You know of a copper called Pc Jim, who once walked into the Covered End

85. You remember when you could park within two miles of the ground.

86. You had an inflatable banana

87. You marked team team changes and substitutions on the back of your programme (bloke next to me did this last night, could not believe it)

88. You miss the old numbered half time scoreboards

89. You never liked Mike Salmon or Wilo again after they gave the Covered End the w***er signs

90. You thought the little garden in front of the temporary changing rooms was a bit sad

91. You remember every detail of that 'Battle of the Bridge' day

92. Feeling strangely proud when we won the Guinness Soccer Six in Manchester. Being suprised at Leaburn's ground skills.

93. You managed to get a ticket in either the home or away end at Twerton Park, for the last game of the season against Bristol Rovers

94. You've been to an away game purely because it was a new ground.

95. You swallowed you're pride and paid Jordan £35 to see Dennis In The Last Minute

96. You've had your name called out over the tannoy because you're wife has gone into labour

97. You had someone come up to you when you're wearing a replica shirt to ask 'what team's that mate'

98. You sang on the Valley Floyd Road charity CD and got drunk in the Lord Herbert afterwards.

99. You marched with pride back from General Gordan Square to The Valley on 5/12/92

100. No matter where you are, what league we're in, how crap the team we have might be, you're always PROUD TO BE CHARLTON
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Comments

  • Brilliant - you also have too much time on your hands

    Valiant 500 subscriber 301 and STARTED 39. My proudest moment.
  • there ain't half alot of those I could answer yes to.....

    especially No. 80........LOL
  • Quality.

    Bonus points included being in the Town Hall - Above the Irish Flag with the CAFC BAdge on it - christ knows where that came from.

    Cancelled away game - Does Selhurst count? We decided to go Gillingham instead, train got cancelled from Woolwich Arsenal so had to get a bus, then when we got to Gill the game was cancelled about 1/2 before kick off to which I was really fuming then realised I was lucky when I realise there where 6 Carlisle supporters at the front of the bus.
  • Oh yeah Clubcall !!!!

    Bonus pints for remebering it????


    0898 12 11 46!!!!!!!!

    I'll get me coat
  • Great stuff...... you missed out taped all charlton's live tv games .....a sad thing i've done since the beginning of time, finally gave up when i ran out of video tapes pre everton live game this season.....my wife wouldn't buy me any more videos cos they're taking up too much space!!!
  • Does possessing a Charlton/Brazil (from about 86 I think) kettle hat make me a sad git?
  • Brilliant.

    Forgot about Clubcall.

    When I was about 12 I ran up a massive phone bill by phoning Clubcall all the time. This was in the days when you just got your bill and it wasnt itemised. My parents went nuts when they saw the bill so requested that BT send them an itemised bill to show what calls were made. When it came through the post I hid it and me and my mate typed one up on his Commodore Amiga with a load of made up numbers and additional family calls (anything but 0898) and sent it in the post and the old man believed it, I still cant believe I got away with that one :)
  • 101. You're only proper Charlton...if Paul Ellis knows you by your 1st name
  • [cite]Posted By: Southendaddick[/cite]Brilliant.

    Forgot about Clubcall.

    When I was about 12 I ran up a massive phone bill by phoning Clubcall all the time. This was in the days when you just got your bill and it wasnt itemised. My parents went nuts when they saw the bill so requested that BT send them an itemised bill to show what calls were made. When it came through the post I hid it and me and my mate typed one up on his Commodore Amiga with a load of made up numbers and additional family calls (anything but 0898) and sent it in the post and the old man believed it, I still cant believe I got away with that one :)

    ha ha nice one geez, did you ever own up once you were all grown up??
  • No, never did.

    Our phone bill was probably about £15-20 a month in those days and it came in about £70 :)

    Never phoned again.
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  • Nice one dood, i like that story! i might start a thread about stuff like this, i did something silly, covered it up, then owned up to my parents when i was a grown up!
  • Brilliant...... got a funny tinglything down my spine reading some of those.......
  • Excellent AFKA, brought back some great memories reading that lot. You have only listed 99, however, as drinking in the Waterman's Arms comes in at no.51 and no.83!!
  • Good spot Red pete !!!


    RIght, i'm all Charltoned out, i need a replacement 'you're not proper Charlton unless' suggestion for number 83.

    Over to you lot....


    *I feel like Willy Wonka with his golden tickets*
  • Re: numbers 41 + 42. The most electric atmosphere, and the most scared I have ever been, were both at Elland Road in the 2nd leg of the play-offs. I was absolutely terrified!!
  • 83. You are not proper Charlton unless you have climbed over the wall behind the old South terrace to get into a game.
  • Really enjoyed reading that.
    You should add setting up a message board mate, it's the mutts nutts
  • edited January 2007
    102. You had the pi$$ taken out of you at school for supporting Charlton by all the Spurs, West Ham, Arsenal, Liverpool and other "big" club "supporters"
  • edited January 2007
    excellent.
    re no.20
    done this armed with a hacksaw to cut off 1 of those swords on top of the main gates.
    was spotted and police turned up. absolutely shat myself.

    only thing missing off list is singing ' who's the poof in the green and black, nigel nigel batch'.
  • [cite]Posted By: AFKA Bartram[/cite]
    RIght, i'm all Charltoned out, i need a replacement 'you're not proper Charlton unless' suggestion for number 83.

    Over to you lot....
    I'd go for "You've been inside the Valley Club". Didn't they used to have an old goalpost in there?
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  • edited January 2007
    [cite]Posted By: aliwibble[/cite]
    [cite]Posted By: AFKA Bartram[/cite]
    RIght, i'm all Charltoned out, i need a replacement 'you're not proper Charlton unless' suggestion for number 83.

    Over to you lot....
    I'd go for "You've been inside the Valley Club". Didn't they used to have an old goalpost in there?

    Hands up who went to the 'female jelly wrestling' night at The Valley Club......
  • [cite]Posted By: AFKA Bartram[/cite]
    4. You've never seen a player more skillful than Morts
    I dunno about that. Sometimes he was wonderful and sometimes he was bloody frustrating. I'd say mercurial.
    5. You've never seen a player worse than Ralph Milne
    I'd be tempted to agree, except I remember Talal El Khalej.
    33. You've always thought it was criminal Johnny Humphrey didn't get the England call.
    And Richard Rufus too.
    57. You remember when players actually had to play in mud. West Brom away was one of the worst you had seen
    Not sure about this one, which year are you talking about? I do remember an FA Cup away game, not sure whether it was West Brom or Notts County, where it rained so heavily that the ball floated across a puddle on the goal line for their winner. Anyone else remember that?
    58. You choked up when you heard about Tommy Caton
    And Pierre Bolangi.
    92. Feeling strangely proud when we won the Guinness Soccer Six in Manchester. Being suprised at Leaburn's ground skills.
    Didn't he end up as top scorer in the competition? Probably the only event where his tendency to shoot wide was an asset, as the ball would bounce off the plexiglass and he'd stick in the rebound while the goalie was still on the floor.
  • This is truly great stuff. I'm going to print it off and check off all the ones I can say yes to. About 90 I reckon. I am that sad!

    What about being at Swansea in 1984 and talking to the players during their warm up about whether it would be our last ever game?

    Wondering how the steps at the top of the East Terrace got to be so big?
  • They used to have the crossbar in the Valley Club Ceiling.

    Loved that place, 'grew up' in there.
  • Feckin ADA - Absolute masterpiece - A Klassik with a capital K mate - can you add 103. Booed by 36,000 Mackems at Wembley whilst on the Pitch and telling them this was our year...........(my only claim to fame)
  • [cite]Posted By: aliwibble[/cite]
    [cite]Posted By: AFKA Bartram[/cite]

    [
    57. You remember when players actually had to play in mud. West Brom away was one of the worst you had seen
    Not sure about this one, which year are you talking about? I do remember an FA Cup away game, not sure whether it was West Brom or Notts County, where it rained so heavily that the ball floated across a puddle on the goal line for their winner. Anyone else remember that?

    That was definitely West Brom away
  • 42. The feeling standing in the tiny corner of St Andrews was the most scared you can remember


    But not as frightening as the walk back to the train station...
  • This started out yesterday lunchtime as a top ten, then i kept thinking 'just another ten' and it grew from there !

    think i'll highlight out individual ones as conversation starters over the next few weeks.

    Ali - definately the West Brom cup game

    Good suggestions for 83 so far, any one else got another ??
  • they scored when the ball took a deflection from a puddle.
  • 83: You've still got your Valliants club membership card from Selhurst dated 1988........
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