Things you only learned late in life

Swisdom

That when a kid at school got "run over" it merely meant hit by a car as opposed to squashed completely and had tyre marks on their body.

Vinnie V.

Middle managment don't know a lot about piss ups and breweries.

jimmymelrose

I have learnt that most people in the English speaking world haven't got a clue about English grammar, but more importantly that it is the belief that this doesn't matter that makes international communication problematic.

I have also learnt that it is another nation's obsession with grammar that enables me to make money.

This demonstrates another lesson: try for the happy median, and do a little of everything.

Another lesson: Don't be too proud to ask a question. Is it 'happy median' or 'happy medium'? Don't like the latter as it sounds like a delirious seance lady. Ohhh....and please explain the spanner jokes.

Gribbo

Always thought it strange Chicago is known as the "Windy City" when it wasn't a City and was part of New York.

I've only just realised / learned Chicago is not only not a part of New York, it's nowhere near it.....

Fumbluff

Gribbo said:

Always thought it strange Chicago is known as the "Windy City" when it wasn't a City and was part of New York.

I've only just realised / learned Chicago is not only not a part of New York, it's nowhere near it.....

You’re thinking of Queens…….as usual

lordromford

Henry Irving said:

"My wife went to the West Indies"

"Jamaica?"

"No, she went of her own accord"


Now that is a rubbish, but classic, joke I bit like the nun and the soap

“Where in North America are you taking your wife?”
”Alaska”
”Well let me know when you find out.”

Sorry. 😳

Swisdom

I genuine learned last night that a lemming is not a bird 

RodneyCharltonTrotta

Swisdom said:

I genuine learned last night that a lemming is not a bird 

 Everyone knows it's a computer game 

Wheresmeticket?

I prefer

"My wife went to the West Indies"

"Jamaica?"

"No. St Lucia".

Why does that make me laugh?

MrWalker

Swisdom said:

I genuine learned last night that a lemming is not a bird 

Walt Disney's great lemming fraud.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsFVzywPNEc

cafctom

As a kid I remember seeing an episode of Birds of a Feather that my parents were watching. 

There was a scene where one of the women was crying and her makeup was smearing all over her face.

For years afterwards I thought there were women out there who had black tears.

Gribbo

cafctom said:

As a kid I remember seeing an episode of Birds of a Feather that my parents were watching. 

There was a scene where one of the women was crying and her makeup was smearing all over her face.

For years afterwards I thought there were women out there who had black tears.

That woulda been Dorian Green

Gribbo

I thought everything was black and white in the old day, but only until I was about 7 isssshhhh

RodneyCharltonTrotta

cafctom said:

As a kid I remember seeing an episode of Birds of a Feather that my parents were watching. 

There was a scene where one of the women was crying and her makeup was smearing all over her face.

For years afterwards I thought there were women out there who had black tears.

No, just black hearts.

Raith_C_Chattonell

Colouring pencils are crayons and not crowns.

MrOneLung

Swisdom said:

I genuine learned last night that a lemming is not a bird 

Quote perilous when those birds (allegedly) run off a cliff…

Daarrzzetbum

Employment is not be all & end all, & just how good retirement is 👍

bobmunro

Realising when I was 45 that I could not afford to retire when I was 45.

man_at_milletts

That you do eventually get to see your favourite club winning at Wembley, not only once, but twice.

iaitch

You don't go blind from too much self pleasuring.

Mendonca In Asdas

House prices are not becoming more affordable.

AFKABartram

iaitch said:

You don't go blind from too much self pleasuring.

Well said @bitch

IdleHans

Not blind, perhaps, but you'll have to adjust to varifocals.

iaitch

Now you mention it my optician does suggest them.

guinnessaddick

IdleHans said:

Not blind, perhaps, but you'll have to adjust to vinegar stroke.

Lincsaddick

how to flip an omelette without it hitting the floor 

Stig

guinnessaddick said: 

Not blind, perhaps, but you'll have to adjust to vinegar stroke.

Lincsaddick said:

how to flip an omelette without it hitting the floor 

Is this the same thing, or something different?

IdleHans

Just about everyone makes it up as they go along

bazjonster

Always had an inkling, but I've finally learnt over this last few months just how arrogant, ignorant, selfish, stupid, naive, easily led, easily influenced, gullible and not very well read some folk are. 

PrincessFiona

bazjonster said:

Always had an inkling, but I've finally learnt over this last few months just how arrogant, ignorant, selfish, stupid, naive, easily led, easily influenced, gullible and not very well read some folk are. 

On a Which? facebook group, someone asked if they tested positive for covid whilst overseas, if they could fly back and quarantine at home!