Marriage is absolute toss cos you have to keep up the pretense that romantic love is real and not an invention of modern culture. I married my best friend...best friends often have shared interests and those sort of relationships last. So for a succesful marriage go for someone with shared interests, a decent body and pride in their appearence...I'm still on honeymoon after 7 years!
[cite]Posted By: stonemuse[/cite][i aria-level=0 aria-posinset=0 aria-setsize=0]If she does not like your hobbies (i.e. football) does not like similar music and TV then you are making a rod for your own back.[/i]
Been married for 4 and a half years (seperated now for 1), wish things were different but they are not and all it does at the moment is cost me money.....
Wouldn't change a thing cause got my little girl out of it, if I could make the missus change her mind then I would.
well, after reading some of the comments on here i have decided to not get married or have kids. The whole idea of living with the same person untill you die scares me! Kids do my head in when they are screaming on the bus/train etc and im so glad when they get off! Call me selfish but I only have 1 life and i want to live it to the best that i can and not have someone nag me all the time or have screaming kids around me! I love my sport and my gf hates it and she loves x factor and big brother which i cant stand so straight away that would be an issue. The only thing i would want a women for would be to have sex so i might as well stay on my own and just have 1 night stands.
I look at people who are older than me who are married and basically there life is going to football, looking after the kids, going to work, doing DIY, doing housework, being the taxi driver for the kids and wife, the list is endless......so the only pleasure in life they get is going to the football and when their wife tell them to do something they then say 'yes dear' and are constantly under the thumb! Thats not a life that I want!
[cite]Posted By: davy[/cite]The only thing i would want a women for would be to have sex so i might as well stay on my own and just have 1 night stands hands.
[cite]Posted By: davy[/cite]well, after reading some of the comments on here i have decided to not get married or have kids. The whole idea of living with the same person untill you die scares me! Kids do my head in when they are screaming on the bus/train etc and im so glad when they get off! Call me selfish but I only have 1 life and i want to live it to the best that i can and not have someone nag me all the time or have screaming kids around me! I love my sport and my gf hates it and she loves x factor and big brother which i cant stand so straight away that would be an issue. The only thing i would want a women for would be to have sex so i might as well stay on my own and just have 1 night stands.
I look at people who are older than me who are married and basically there life is going to football, looking after the kids, going to work, doing DIY, doing housework, being the taxi driver for the kids and wife, the list is endless......so the only pleasure in life they get is going to the football and when their wife tell them to do something they then say 'yes dear' and are constantly under the thumb! Thats not a life that I want!
davy...you have just made the best decision of your life...if she aint gonna belch and fart with you whilst watching MOTD then best off single and bratless...why do people have kids? ITS INSANE!!!
[cite]Posted By: ken from bexley[/cite]Quote from Ken:
"Virtually all my friends and family members have got divorced,/seperated, except for the ones that have 'shacked up'."
And except for the ones not included in that "virtually all" who are still together, and not counting the ones who were shacked up and now aren't... Guessing you are one of the "virtually all" then Ken? LOL
Wrong!..... Been married for 38 years this week, had children after we got married!........
And except for the ones not included in that "virtually all" who are still together, and not counting the ones who were shacked up and now aren't, and not including you... QED. :-D
Its typical but when im single i wanna be in a relationship but when im in a relationship i wanna be single.
Getting married and married life (kids, mortgage etc) is all about money! I would rather spend it on beer, football, holidays etc than spend it on kids and mortgage - at least you get pleasure out of those things!
If I did get married then it will be in a registry office and then have the reception in the nearest wetherspoons and the guests will have to buy their own food and drink.
Also I know this bloke whos never been married or had kids and his in his 50s. He is the happiest person ive met. He is never moody or stressed and is always chirpy so thats proof in the pudding!
[cite]Posted By: davy[/cite]Getting married and married life (kids, mortgage etc) is all about money! I would rather spend it on beer, football, holidays etc than spend it on kids and mortgage - at least you get pleasure out of those things!
You don't think people get any pleasure from their kids?
Also what about the joy of being with/spending time with someone you love, who makes you laugh etc.
Just speaking as I find Algarve....... I really have come to think that marriage is for the few, (and it has nothing to do with my own, `I have just been a lucky bastatrd ), but the heartbreaking situations that I have seen all around.
My fellow male friends have virtually to a man, all broken up, through, lifestyle choices, serial shagging, and being first class shits when it comes to relationships I guess.
40 years ago, even in the media\arty world that I live in living together, or as I like to say 'shaking up' my mothers phrase...... only a few have survived,Like the Battle of Britain pilots, or Kamikazee pilots!...... and from living in Charlton in the early 70s traditional working class people did not co-habit, or not in Springfields estate circa 69, despite the myth of yesteryear.
If you do not hold a religious conviction why get married........as I propossed.
Obviously times have changed, and society have moderated it's view on this subject. Although the contemporary view with broken marriages, quickie divorces, and appauling parental skills has seriously questioned my views on the subject. Wishing that things were different, from a far flung shire like you are from ( if you are an expat) tends to give a perspective of reality that is sometimes both sentimental and romantic, akin to Mills and Boon in what you would like things to be.
But do not worry Algarve, might be joining you in the near future myself, well if you cannot beat them fuck it! join them........at least in the sun, like yourself!
My wedding cost £160 total...6 guests and a piss up in a Karaoke pub. Seven years on and even happier now. My sisters wedding cost £10,000...2 years and one kid later marriage was virtually over, so they had another kid to bring them closer together...WTF.
And this was the bitch that told me marrying someone 36 years older was the worst thing I could ever do...good job I don't give a toss about others opinions.
[cite]
You don't think people get any pleasure from their kids?
Well most of the people I know only ever tell you what a pain in the harris they are, and when they have night or two without them, get really excited about it. Draw your own conclusions... :-)
I was with my ex-wife for 5 years in total. Biggish wedding, married for 13 months then she changed her mind and wanted a divorce. I've touched on why in a previous thread. Not gonna bring that back up. My brother was with his ex-wife for 8/9 years, biggish wedding then split up within 6 months, although he was a lot younger than me. I was 31 with a 1 year old daughter when I got married, he was 22/3ish.
In contrast, both my Grandparents celebrated their golden wedding anniversaries and my parents have been married for 38 years now.
Both of us have been through the divorce courts. Not a pleasant experience. Our split was as amicable as they come but the stress of the whole process was absolutely unbearable and made my physically ill and I really wouldnt want to go through that again. From that experience alone, thats marriage done and dusted for me now. I just wont entertain the possibility of having to go through another divorce.
If further down the line I do meet the woman for me then I guess I'll have some tough decisions to make. At the end of the day, now I've got my own home, its also some future security for my daughter. I certainly cant risk getting involved with someone, getting married and then going through another divorce and risk losing 50% of my home and my daughters security. (If you've slept on a sofa for over 2 years, you might be able to understand that!) One marriage has wrecked me, I just wont let it happen again. However, thats my cynical side of it.
With the right partner, I'm absolutely sure marriage does work. Most definitely.
Oh and as for the comment that nobody gets pleasure from their kids, I'll be honest and say I doubt very much I'd still be here right now if it wasnt for my daughter. She's the one sole thing thats kept me going for the last three years and she's the best thing without doubt that has ever happened to me. Blimey, Spurs could smash 5 past Arsenal in the Death Star and I wouldnt smile as much as I do when I give my little girl a cuddle on my access days...
johnny boys last paragraph i totally understand
yep kids do have little tantrums and moods etc but so do adults .......... but the pleasure they give you is immeasurable in words
What OAM said. This morning my five year old boy demanded to watch the "Raise the Roof" 2000/2001 DVD. The first game was the 4-0 win over Man City and I could hear him roar with delight as each goal went in. When it was breakfast time he sat down and said, "I tell you what Dad, I'm going to play for Charlton one day!" This from a little boy that lives in Brisbane! If that does not give you "pleasure" the I don't know what will.
In contrast, both my Grandparents celebrated their golden wedding anniversaries and my parents have been married for 38 years now.
Both of us have been through the divorce courts. Not a pleasant experience. Our split was as amicable as they come but the stress of the whole process was absolutely unbearable and made my physically ill and I really wouldnt want to go through that again. From that experience alone, thats marriage done and dusted for me now. I just wont entertain the possibility of having to go through another divorce.
Have to agree here JohnBoyUK......
I really have no idea why the current vogue is to divorce, or seperate, in many cases it is for a host of genuine reasons, so will not go into that!.. But there are an awful lot of people who expect marriage to be an easy ride and really cannot cope with knock backs that life throws at them.Were people more happier pre war...... I doubt it, were they less wordly..... possibly, did they have a sense of duty, most probably.
Now when you mention 'duty', people get uptight and say that is old fashioned.... quite possibly, an unhappy marraige must be hell!, but what I mean by duty is responsability, and sharing things with your partner, after all if youcannot be responsable to your own family, where do you draw the line!
My grandfathers generation would never have divorced, unless he had been a mass murderer! it just was not done!. I am not advocating that woman have to put up with men's juvenille demands ( as in my case)...... I had to grow up!. A lot of men really do not want to....there choice , then do not expect a happy marraige....... The kids thing on a different note the best thing that happened to me, guess I have been very lucky, on both counts, my wife less so!
A lot of people seem to have taken the title: Marriage: pros and cons and made it wedding pros and cons. A weeding day does not make a marriage. And most of the problems people talk about during their 'marriage' could easily happen if they were simply co-habiting.
Frightened to add anything to this thread in case it gets a nasty bump in 2 years, 5 years, 10 years time !
Marriage / long-term commitment to one person is certainly not for everyone, particularly in this day and age of choice, freedom and selfishness.
There is no 'secret formula' either, as every individual and couple is very different in their wants and needs.
In general though, you have to compromise and be selfless at times, and that's not for everyone. Its all about finding a balance between give and take that is comfortable for both parties.
You need a bit of luck as well in the fact that everyone changes as you mature, that's natural. For a successful marriage i think you both need to mature in a similar way, and i can imagine there are plenty of sad situations where there is nothing fundamentally wrong, but people have just developed as time goes on in different directions and over time want and need different things, and their attitude and feelings for each other change as a result.
Been together with my lady for just shy of 15 years. We've never really had a proper row, and i love her more with every year. As a complete non-achiever in everything in life and not particularly having much to offer, i still find it amazing how lucky i am to share my life with such a wonderful lady.
My husbands previous marraige lasted 11 years. In that time they had one short disagreement about wallpaper. My husbands son confirms that he never heard a cross word growing up. Now I know I'm very lucky to meet someone with not a bad word to say about their ex, but if a relationship as good as that can end one morning in...quote: "I'm leaving you, do you want the kids" then marriage is truly a lottery with no guarantees.
[cite]Posted By: AFKABartram[/cite]Frightened to add anything to this thread in case it gets a nasty bump in 2 years, 5 years, 10 years time !
Marriage / long-term commitment to one person is certainly not for everyone, particularly in this day and age of choice, freedom and selfishness.
There is no 'secret formula' either, as every individual and couple is very different in their wants and needs.
In general though, you have to compromise and be selfless at times, and that's not for everyone. Its all about finding a balance between give and take that is comfortable for both parties.
You need a bit of luck as well in the fact that everyone changes as you mature, that's natural. For a successful marriage i think you both need to mature in a similar way, and i can imagine there are plenty of sad situations where there is nothing fundamentally wrong, but people have just developed as time goes on in different directions and over time want and need different things, and their attitude and feelings for each other change as a result.
Comments
The con's..........well, they're your fellow inmates after you've killed the bitch ;-)
Never ask a (bitter) divorcee his opinions. :-)
So for a succesful marriage go for someone with shared interests, a decent body and pride in their appearence...I'm still on honeymoon after 7 years!
fecl me i am headed for divorce
Wouldn't change a thing cause got my little girl out of it, if I could make the missus change her mind then I would.
If it wasn't for the seven years I spent in prison it could have been all bad...
Got my name down for Jeremy Kyle...
I look at people who are older than me who are married and basically there life is going to football, looking after the kids, going to work, doing DIY, doing housework, being the taxi driver for the kids and wife, the list is endless......so the only pleasure in life they get is going to the football and when their wife tell them to do something they then say 'yes dear' and are constantly under the thumb! Thats not a life that I want!
davy...you have just made the best decision of your life...if she aint gonna belch and fart with you whilst watching MOTD then best off single and bratless...why do people have kids? ITS INSANE!!!
And except for the ones not included in that "virtually all" who are still together, and not counting the ones who were shacked up and now aren't, and not including you... QED. :-D
I'll get me coat.
Getting married and married life (kids, mortgage etc) is all about money! I would rather spend it on beer, football, holidays etc than spend it on kids and mortgage - at least you get pleasure out of those things!
If I did get married then it will be in a registry office and then have the reception in the nearest wetherspoons and the guests will have to buy their own food and drink.
You don't think people get any pleasure from their kids?
Also what about the joy of being with/spending time with someone you love, who makes you laugh etc.
I really have come to think that marriage is for the few, (and it has nothing to do with my own, `I have just been a lucky bastatrd ), but the heartbreaking situations that I have seen all around.
My fellow male friends have virtually to a man, all broken up, through, lifestyle choices, serial shagging, and being first class shits when it comes to relationships I guess.
40 years ago, even in the media\arty world that I live in living together, or as I like to say 'shaking up' my mothers phrase...... only a few have survived,Like the Battle of Britain pilots, or Kamikazee pilots!...... and from living in Charlton in the early 70s traditional working class people did not co-habit, or not in Springfields estate circa 69, despite the myth of yesteryear.
If you do not hold a religious conviction why get married........as I propossed.
Obviously times have changed, and society have moderated it's view on this subject. Although the contemporary view with broken marriages, quickie divorces, and appauling parental skills has seriously questioned my views on the subject. Wishing that things were different, from a far flung shire like you are from ( if you are an expat) tends to give a perspective of reality that is sometimes both sentimental and romantic, akin to Mills and Boon in what you would like things to be.
But do not worry Algarve, might be joining you in the near future myself, well if you cannot beat them fuck it! join them........at least in the sun, like yourself!
And this was the bitch that told me marrying someone 36 years older was the worst thing I could ever do...good job I don't give a toss about others opinions.
Guess I just like wedding cake!
I was with my ex-wife for 5 years in total. Biggish wedding, married for 13 months then she changed her mind and wanted a divorce. I've touched on why in a previous thread. Not gonna bring that back up. My brother was with his ex-wife for 8/9 years, biggish wedding then split up within 6 months, although he was a lot younger than me. I was 31 with a 1 year old daughter when I got married, he was 22/3ish.
In contrast, both my Grandparents celebrated their golden wedding anniversaries and my parents have been married for 38 years now.
Both of us have been through the divorce courts. Not a pleasant experience. Our split was as amicable as they come but the stress of the whole process was absolutely unbearable and made my physically ill and I really wouldnt want to go through that again. From that experience alone, thats marriage done and dusted for me now. I just wont entertain the possibility of having to go through another divorce.
If further down the line I do meet the woman for me then I guess I'll have some tough decisions to make. At the end of the day, now I've got my own home, its also some future security for my daughter. I certainly cant risk getting involved with someone, getting married and then going through another divorce and risk losing 50% of my home and my daughters security. (If you've slept on a sofa for over 2 years, you might be able to understand that!) One marriage has wrecked me, I just wont let it happen again. However, thats my cynical side of it.
With the right partner, I'm absolutely sure marriage does work. Most definitely.
Oh and as for the comment that nobody gets pleasure from their kids, I'll be honest and say I doubt very much I'd still be here right now if it wasnt for my daughter. She's the one sole thing thats kept me going for the last three years and she's the best thing without doubt that has ever happened to me. Blimey, Spurs could smash 5 past Arsenal in the Death Star and I wouldnt smile as much as I do when I give my little girl a cuddle on my access days...
yep kids do have little tantrums and moods etc but so do adults .......... but the pleasure they give you is immeasurable in words
Both of us have been through the divorce courts. Not a pleasant experience. Our split was as amicable as they come but the stress of the whole process was absolutely unbearable and made my physically ill and I really wouldnt want to go through that again. From that experience alone, thats marriage done and dusted for me now. I just wont entertain the possibility of having to go through another divorce.
Have to agree here JohnBoyUK......
I really have no idea why the current vogue is to divorce, or seperate, in many cases it is for a host of genuine reasons, so will not go into that!.. But there are an awful lot of people who expect marriage to be an easy ride and really cannot cope with knock backs that life throws at them.Were people more happier pre war...... I doubt it, were they less wordly..... possibly, did they have a sense of duty, most probably.
Now when you mention 'duty', people get uptight and say that is old fashioned.... quite possibly, an unhappy marraige must be hell!, but what I mean by duty is responsability, and sharing things with your partner, after all if youcannot be responsable to your own family, where do you draw the line!
My grandfathers generation would never have divorced, unless he had been a mass murderer! it just was not done!. I am not advocating that woman have to put up with men's juvenille demands ( as in my case)...... I had to grow up!. A lot of men really do not want to....there choice , then do not expect a happy marraige....... The kids thing on a different note the best thing that happened to me, guess I have been very lucky, on both counts, my wife less so!
Marriage / long-term commitment to one person is certainly not for everyone, particularly in this day and age of choice, freedom and selfishness.
There is no 'secret formula' either, as every individual and couple is very different in their wants and needs.
In general though, you have to compromise and be selfless at times, and that's not for everyone. Its all about finding a balance between give and take that is comfortable for both parties.
You need a bit of luck as well in the fact that everyone changes as you mature, that's natural. For a successful marriage i think you both need to mature in a similar way, and i can imagine there are plenty of sad situations where there is nothing fundamentally wrong, but people have just developed as time goes on in different directions and over time want and need different things, and their attitude and feelings for each other change as a result.
Been together with my lady for just shy of 15 years. We've never really had a proper row, and i love her more with every year. As a complete non-achiever in everything in life and not particularly having much to offer, i still find it amazing how lucky i am to share my life with such a wonderful lady.
Well done you.
and if she's got big tits, it's a bonus
Big tits and/or looks like Nigella Lawson (oops - wrong thread!).