Fella on a Beano with his pals gets totally slaughtered and toward the end of the night throws up in the middle of the bar all down his brand new expensive shirt. "What am I going to do?!!" He says to his pals. "My wife bought me this shirt.She's going to go f******g mental when she sees sick all over it!" "Don't worry" says one of his mates. " Say it was someone else. Say you were walking through the bar and some bloke threw up all over your shirt as you walked past. Say he offered to pay for the cleaning and put money in the shirt pocket to cover it..Here, I' m putting £20 in there now" said his ever loyal friend. *Brilliant!" Says the fella as he starts heading off on the long walk home. He finally gets through his front door and there waiting on the stairs is his wife. She hits the roof when she sees the vomit all over his expensive shirt. But the fella explains what happened and how the bloke who did it put £20 in the shirt pocket to pay for the damage. His wife reaches into the pocket. "Hold on." she says "There's £40 in there??"
The fella says " Oh yeah..He also shit in my pants."
Fella on a Beano with his pals gets totally slaughtered and toward the end of the night throws up in the middle of the bar all down his brand new expensive shirt. "What am I going to do?!!" He says to his pals. "My wife bought me this shirt.She's going to go f******g mental when she sees sick all over it!" "Don't worry" says one of his mates. " Say it was someone else. Say you were walking through the bar and some bloke threw up all over your shirt as you walked past. Say he offered to pay for the cleaning and put money in the shirt pocket to cover it..Here, I' m putting £20 in there now" said his ever loyal friend. *Brilliant!" Says the fella as he starts heading off on the long walk home. He finally gets through his front door and there waiting on the stairs is his wife. She hits the roof when she sees the vomit all over his expensive shirt. But the fella explains what happened and how the bloke who did it put £20 in the shirt pocket to pay for the damage. His wife reaches into the pocket. "Hold on." she says "There's £40 in there??"
The fella says " Oh yeah..He also shit in my pants."
Quasimodo the reclusive Hunchback of Notre Dame established a new method to make the great Cathedral bells peal and chime by swinging on a rope and bashing them with his feet. One day he slipped and thudded into the bell nose first which knocked him out and he fell from the tower onto the ground. A crowd gathered round the strange man lying there and somebody asked who he was. A man replied 'I don't know his name, but his face rings a bell'.
Most people know that The Proclaimers are massive Hibs fans and that their fantastic song Sunshine On Leith is sung at games. But something a lot of you do not realise is that many years ago , brothers Craig and Charlie both worked as groundsmen for the club.
They got the sack after players complained that the grass was too long and it ruined their passing game.
The brothers blamed this on DIY store B and Q
They went to Bathgate no mower, Linwood no mower, Irvine no mower, Lochaber no mower, Sutherland no mower, Lewis no mower, Skye no mower..........
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Photo of David Coote's bedroom revealed.
One day he slipped and thudded into the bell nose first which knocked him out and he fell from the tower onto the ground.
A crowd gathered round the strange man lying there and somebody asked who he was. A man replied 'I don't know his name, but his face rings a bell'.
I got a 10gear racing bike just as all my mates got BMX’s.
Phil: "What did he say?"
Dave: "You're fired"
Here you go .. three funnies for the price of one