Moto service stations and more specifically the gents toilets, fucking grim.
Mate, motorway service stations are horrific more so at certain times. Like airport toilets.
When catching a plane the other week I popped into the toilets just before the departure gate. The pissers were full and I prodded a cubicle door to be presented with without doubt the biggest, most grotesque human turd on the planet. It was comfortably the size three coke cans laid end to end. Nestled on a dirty bed of stained toilet paper this monstrous movement was vomit inducing, jet black specked with peanuts and blood it glared at me as it was washed by a never ending flush hopelessly under prepared to shift this behemoth, only give it a sickening, glistening hue. Think of the prosthetic richards used in Kevin & Perry or the one Neil left in the bidet in the Inbetweeners and you are getting close.
Anyway, my point was. Travel couldn't have been a surprise to whoever birthed this abomination, unless leaving several pounds of mayhem in a toilet is a daily occurrence for this heathen I don't see why they had to do this in a public toilet. It was like a demonstration of a superpower "oooh look what I can do"
Going into the toilets at clackett lane between the hours of 5.30am and 9am is like going through a dirty version of professor farts bubble works with the stall users providing their own cataclysmic cacophony of arseholes opening and blasting disgusting shite into Surreys sewage system. It's a low moment if I ever have to join this chorus of anal blitzkrieg
An alternative to sugar tax is having a turnstile to get to all the cakes, and pies, and fizzy pop and other tasty unhealthy bits.
Until you can fit through that turnstile and prove that you can eat responsibly - I'm afraid you're stuck in the vegetable and skinless chicken breast section, mate. You could even have a turnstile for each aisle, appropriately sized by the healthiness of the produce in it.
Those Boditrax machines could be used at airports and kilos of fat can be subtracted from your baggage allowance.
Moto service stations and more specifically the gents toilets, fucking grim.
Mate, motorway service stations are horrific more so at certain times. Like airport toilets.
When catching a plane the other week I popped into the toilets just before the departure gate. The pissers were full and I prodded a cubicle door to be presented with without doubt the biggest, most grotesque human turd on the planet. It was comfortably the size three coke cans laid end to end. Nestled on a dirty bed of stained toilet paper this monstrous movement was vomit inducing, jet black specked with peanuts and blood it glared at me as it was washed by a never ending flush hopelessly under prepared to shift this behemoth, only give it a sickening, glistening hue. Think of the prosthetic richards used in Kevin & Perry or the one Neil left in the bidet in the Inbetweeners and you are getting close.
Anyway, my point was. Travel couldn't have been a surprise to whoever birthed this abomination, unless leaving several pounds of mayhem in a toilet is a daily occurrence for this heathen I don't see why they had to do this in a public toilet. It was like a demonstration of a superpower "oooh look what I can do"
Going into the toilets at clackett lane between the hours of 5.30am and 9am is like going through a dirty version of professor farts bubble works with the stall users providing their own cataclysmic cacophony of arseholes opening and blasting disgusting shite into Surreys sewage system. It's a low moment if I ever have to join this chorus of anal blitzkrieg
If toilet functions are mentioned on CL, rest assured Carter will arrive within minutes.
Moto service stations and more specifically the gents toilets, fucking grim.
Mate, motorway service stations are horrific more so at certain times. Like airport toilets.
When catching a plane the other week I popped into the toilets just before the departure gate. The pissers were full and I prodded a cubicle door to be presented with without doubt the biggest, most grotesque human turd on the planet. It was comfortably the size three coke cans laid end to end. Nestled on a dirty bed of stained toilet paper this monstrous movement was vomit inducing, jet black specked with peanuts and blood it glared at me as it was washed by a never ending flush hopelessly under prepared to shift this behemoth, only give it a sickening, glistening hue. Think of the prosthetic richards used in Kevin & Perry or the one Neil left in the bidet in the Inbetweeners and you are getting close.
Anyway, my point was. Travel couldn't have been a surprise to whoever birthed this abomination, unless leaving several pounds of mayhem in a toilet is a daily occurrence for this heathen I don't see why they had to do this in a public toilet. It was like a demonstration of a superpower "oooh look what I can do"
Going into the toilets at clackett lane between the hours of 5.30am and 9am is like going through a dirty version of professor farts bubble works with the stall users providing their own cataclysmic cacophony of arseholes opening and blasting disgusting shite into Surreys sewage system. It's a low moment if I ever have to join this chorus of anal blitzkrieg
If toilet functions are mentioned on CL, rest assured Carter will arrive within minutes.
On the plus side, I steer clear of the politics stuff. I know where I am with toilet-based talk. We all do
I really can't do justice to how appalling this act of terror at Gatwick north terminal was. It made my eyes water from the dry retching I did. My only positive thought about that movement was at least they didn't do that on the plane. No doubt about it we would not have made it to our destination if they had done that in an airline toilet
Moto service stations and more specifically the gents toilets, fucking grim.
Mate, motorway service stations are horrific more so at certain times. Like airport toilets.
When catching a plane the other week I popped into the toilets just before the departure gate. The pissers were full and I prodded a cubicle door to be presented with without doubt the biggest, most grotesque human turd on the planet. It was comfortably the size three coke cans laid end to end. Nestled on a dirty bed of stained toilet paper this monstrous movement was vomit inducing, jet black specked with peanuts and blood it glared at me as it was washed by a never ending flush hopelessly under prepared to shift this behemoth, only give it a sickening, glistening hue. Think of the prosthetic richards used in Kevin & Perry or the one Neil left in the bidet in the Inbetweeners and you are getting close.
Anyway, my point was. Travel couldn't have been a surprise to whoever birthed this abomination, unless leaving several pounds of mayhem in a toilet is a daily occurrence for this heathen I don't see why they had to do this in a public toilet. It was like a demonstration of a superpower "oooh look what I can do"
Going into the toilets at clackett lane between the hours of 5.30am and 9am is like going through a dirty version of professor farts bubble works with the stall users providing their own cataclysmic cacophony of arseholes opening and blasting disgusting shite into Surreys sewage system. It's a low moment if I ever have to join this chorus of anal blitzkrieg
Clackett and Thurrock are two of the worst and guess what? They’re both Moto.
The bogs on the m6 (Stafford) are the scene of a daily competition between lorry drivers to demonstrate who has the worst diet. In the end I had to drive, fully crowning, to the next services, due to the eggy forcefield keeping me from the cubicle
unfortunately not a poo story but i went to a service station (well it was a just a building with toilets and a car park) on the way to Tonbridge the other morning. was about to go to the loo when all of a sudden some bloke got out of his car fully dressed as a highlander and started playing the bagpipes.
I once had to exhibit at a show in Amman, Jordan and the toilets were something else. It was designed as a big wet room due to the proclivity to wash as opposed to wipe. So come 09.30 there was already an inch of 'waste water' on the floor and a poor chap whose job it was to squeegee this down a 10cm² grate.
He was fighting a losing battle as you can imagine, so the smell built and built over the day, as the heat got up to a balmy 35 degrees. By the end the entire exhibition hall was a steam oven, moistened by the nugget rinse.
unfortunately not a poo story but i went to a service station (well it was a just a building with toilets and a car park) on the way to Tonbridge the other morning. was about to go to the loo when all of a sudden some bloke got out of his car fully dressed as a highlander and started playing the bagpipes.
Was it the clothes, the music or just the general Scottishness of it all that annoyed you, KmB?
unfortunately not a poo story but i went to a service station (well it was a just a building with toilets and a car park) on the way to Tonbridge the other morning. was about to go to the loo when all of a sudden some bloke got out of his car fully dressed as a highlander and started playing the bagpipes.
unfortunately not a poo story but i went to a service station (well it was a just a building with toilets and a car park) on the way to Tonbridge the other morning. was about to go to the loo when all of a sudden some bloke got out of his car fully dressed as a highlander and started playing the bagpipes.
Was it the clothes, the music or just the general Scottishness of it all that annoyed you, KmB?
unfortunately not a poo story but i went to a service station (well it was a just a building with toilets and a car park) on the way to Tonbridge the other morning. was about to go to the loo when all of a sudden some bloke got out of his car fully dressed as a highlander and started playing the bagpipes.
If you are referring to the one on the south bound side of the a21 that place is like a setting out of a b movie horror film from the fleeting glances I had driving past.
unfortunately not a poo story but i went to a service station (well it was a just a building with toilets and a car park) on the way to Tonbridge the other morning. was about to go to the loo when all of a sudden some bloke got out of his car fully dressed as a highlander and started playing the bagpipes.
If you are referring to the one on the south bound side of the a21 that place is like a setting out of a b movie horror film from the fleeting glances I had driving past.
yep that's the one. A little bit of Scotland down south.
Craig Charles standing in for Steve Wright today, Radio 2 between 2pm & 5pm. Now Radio 2 is an old gits/middle of ths road station which plays today's modern /current chart stuff with a good sprinkling of old tunes from the 1960's onwards.
Craig Charles disregards this & just plays what he likes......mainly funk/disco/r&b.. That is not his remit. He already has his own show I believe on a sat eve where he plays this rubbish, sorry, diversified music. He should not be able to inflict it on all the middle if the road cronies like mysel on a weekday afternoon.
(This is not saying that Steve Wright is any good)......just that since his programme started this afternoon he's not played anything near classed as "middle of the road". He did try by playing "Rocking all over the world" by Credence Clearwater Revival ....which is at least better than the Status Quo version.....but that was only because it was on his "cover by a different bruver /muvva" section......
I wonder how long will I'll have to wait for a Beatles/Simon & Garfunkel/Spandau/Oasis or Coldplay track.
Craig Charles standing in for Steve Wright today, Radio 2 between 2pm & 5pm. Now Radio 2 is an old gits/middle of ths road station which plays today's modern /current chart stuff with a good sprinkling of old tunes from the 1960's onwards.
Craig Charles disregards this & just plays what he likes......mainly funk/disco/r&b.. That is not his remit. He already has his own show I believe on a sat eve where he plays this rubbish, sorry, diversified music. He should not be able to inflict it on all the middle if the road cronies like mysel on a weekday afternoon.
(This is not saying that Steve Wright is any good)......just that since his programme started this afternoon he's not played anything near classed as "middle of the road". He did try by playing "Rocking all over the world" by Credence Clearwater Revival ....which is at least better than the Status Quo version.....but that was only because it was on his "cover by a different bruver /muvva" section......
I wonder how long will I'll have to wait for a Beatles/Simon & Garfunkel/Spandau/Oasis or Coldplay track.
Yep,when he came on I went to absolute 80s......otherwise the brushes and roller would be in the van very early
Craig Charles standing in for Steve Wright today, Radio 2 between 2pm & 5pm. Now Radio 2 is an old gits/middle of ths road station which plays today's modern /current chart stuff with a good sprinkling of old tunes from the 1960's onwards.
Craig Charles disregards this & just plays what he likes......mainly funk/disco/r&b.. That is not his remit. He already has his own show I believe on a sat eve where he plays this rubbish, sorry, diversified music. He should not be able to inflict it on all the middle if the road cronies like mysel on a weekday afternoon.
(This is not saying that Steve Wright is any good)......just that since his programme started this afternoon he's not played anything near classed as "middle of the road". He did try by playing "Rocking all over the world" by Credence Clearwater Revival ....which is at least better than the Status Quo version.....but that was only because it was on his "cover by a different bruver /muvva" section......
I wonder how long will I'll have to wait for a Beatles/Simon & Garfunkel/Spandau/Oasis or Coldplay track.
Yep,when he came on I went to absolute 80s......otherwise the brushes and roller would be in the van very early
Rather him than Steve Wright pumping out the same old shitty jokes he was doing thirty years ago and more.
Comments
When catching a plane the other week I popped into the toilets just before the departure gate. The pissers were full and I prodded a cubicle door to be presented with without doubt the biggest, most grotesque human turd on the planet. It was comfortably the size three coke cans laid end to end. Nestled on a dirty bed of stained toilet paper this monstrous movement was vomit inducing, jet black specked with peanuts and blood it glared at me as it was washed by a never ending flush hopelessly under prepared to shift this behemoth, only give it a sickening, glistening hue. Think of the prosthetic richards used in Kevin & Perry or the one Neil left in the bidet in the Inbetweeners and you are getting close.
Anyway, my point was. Travel couldn't have been a surprise to whoever birthed this abomination, unless leaving several pounds of mayhem in a toilet is a daily occurrence for this heathen I don't see why they had to do this in a public toilet. It was like a demonstration of a superpower "oooh look what I can do"
Going into the toilets at clackett lane between the hours of 5.30am and 9am is like going through a dirty version of professor farts bubble works with the stall users providing their own cataclysmic cacophony of arseholes opening and blasting disgusting shite into Surreys sewage system. It's a low moment if I ever have to join this chorus of anal blitzkrieg
Until you can fit through that turnstile and prove that you can eat responsibly - I'm afraid you're stuck in the vegetable and skinless chicken breast section, mate. You could even have a turnstile for each aisle, appropriately sized by the healthiness of the produce in it.
Those Boditrax machines could be used at airports and kilos of fat can be subtracted from your baggage allowance.
Vote Yoni.
I really can't do justice to how appalling this act of terror at Gatwick north terminal was. It made my eyes water from the dry retching I did. My only positive thought about that movement was at least they didn't do that on the plane. No doubt about it we would not have made it to our destination if they had done that in an airline toilet
You can always tell when you are in a khazi that uses a "Waterless Toilet System".
It stinks of piss...
He was fighting a losing battle as you can imagine, so the smell built and built over the day, as the heat got up to a balmy 35 degrees. By the end the entire exhibition hall was a steam oven, moistened by the nugget rinse.
Never thought I would write this but @Carter has a rival in the defecation based stories.
Craig Charles standing in for Steve Wright today, Radio 2 between 2pm & 5pm. Now Radio 2 is an old gits/middle of ths road station which plays today's modern /current chart stuff with a good sprinkling of old tunes from the 1960's onwards.
Craig Charles disregards this & just plays what he likes......mainly funk/disco/r&b.. That is not his remit. He already has his own show I believe on a sat eve where he plays this rubbish, sorry, diversified music. He should not be able to inflict it on all the middle if the road cronies like mysel on a weekday afternoon.
(This is not saying that Steve Wright is any good)......just that since his programme started this afternoon he's not played anything near classed as "middle of the road". He did try by playing "Rocking all over the world" by Credence Clearwater Revival ....which is at least better than the Status Quo version.....but that was only because it was on his "cover by a different bruver /muvva" section......
I wonder how long will I'll have to wait for a Beatles/Simon & Garfunkel/Spandau/Oasis or Coldplay track.