I don't know you. I have no opinion about you personally but your contributions to this thread are either racist, sexist, downright offensive or all three. They are just not funny.
I apologise in advance to any old men, waitresses banana salespersons, or those suffering from Arthritis.
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
Mrs Thatcher has just won her second General Election victory and decides to take the entire cabinet for a celebration dinner at Simpsons in the Strand.
The head waiter aks for her order: "I'll have the Beef Wellington" she says "And the vegetables?" "They'll have the same".
Mrs Thatcher has just won her second General Election victory and decides to take the entire cabinet for a celebration dinner at Simpsons in the Strand.
The head waiter aks for her order: "I'll have the Beef Wellington" she says "And the vegetables?" "They'll have the same".
my missus was in the bathroom getting dressed to go out, taking for ages as usual. When she finally opened the door, she stood in the doorway and asked the dreaded question.... "do i look fat in this?" I replied "honestly love........... yes but to be fair it's a small bathroom"
A Catholic couple is about to get married, and the woman sits the man down for a heart-to-heart the day before the wedding. She says, "Honey, before we do this, I have something I need to get off my chest. You see, a few years back, my family was very poor, and for a while I had to work as a prostitute."
The man leaps out of his chair and shouts, "Oh no, absolutely not! I can't get married to you!"
The woman starts crying, and begs him to forgive her, "Please don't leave me - surely you can live with a woman who used to be a bit of a whore..."
The man sits down and says, "Oh, that's fine. For a minute I thought you said Protestant."
A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young daughter's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect." To which, her daughter replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."
Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm. His wife is lying in bed reading. Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache." Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep." Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
So this guy goes to Australia for a tourist trip and on the border they ask him if he had ever stayed in jail or had been arrested. So he says: " I did not know that was still required"
Dont get me wrong Gary, I have not been offended by any jokes that have been posted, I have been laughing at them, but I just hope when I next post something like I did i.e. St Paddy's Day it stays up like the rest of them
If you don't like it don't read it move on, everybody has different tastes and views
I think you're wrong.
It's not about personal tastes it's about common decency. You're saying that these sort of jokes should be told on TV on something like The One Show on the basis that if you don't like them, then watch Emmerdale.
You don't know if you will be offended by a joke until you've heard it or in this case read it. Everyone, well most people on here, knows the difference between a funny joke and a sick one. Ok some people find "sick" jokes funny. I find sick jokes funny most of the time but I do not think they should be on a public forum like this. Those sort of jokes should be kept in the circle of people that you know will not be upset or offended by them.
Comments
banana salespersons, or those suffering from Arthritis.
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor
and pulled himself slowly,
painfully, up onto a stool.
After catching his breath, he ordered a
banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
The head waiter aks for her order: "I'll have the Beef Wellington" she says "And the vegetables?" "They'll have the same".
I was in my local Curry House tonight and ordered a Chicken Tika...
"Why not try a Tarka instead of a Tika?" said the waiter
"A Tarka?" I asked "What's that?"
"It's similar to a Tika" the waiter replied "But a little otter."
"Are you crying?" My wife frowned.
"I just want a bit of sex," I replied.
"Well, why don't you just take advantage?" she winked.
"I did," I replied. "And she had pepper spray in her bag."
Last night he said, "Dad, what's French for white?"
My mind went blanc.
How many satanists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, let darkness reign supreme.
None.
It's alright, you go out and enjoy yourself Bubbela while I sit here alone in the dark.
Jonathan Ross has been charged with stealing a kitchen utensil.
He said it was a whisk...but it was worth taking!!!!
A Catholic couple is about to get married, and the woman sits the man down for a heart-to-heart the day before the wedding. She says, "Honey, before we do this, I have something I need to get off my chest. You see, a few years back, my family was very poor, and for a while I had to work as a prostitute."
The man leaps out of his chair and shouts, "Oh no, absolutely not! I can't get married to you!"
The woman starts crying, and begs him to forgive her, "Please don't leave me - surely you can live with a woman who used to be a bit of a whore..."
The man sits down and says, "Oh, that's fine. For a minute I thought you said Protestant."
A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young daughter's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect." To which, her daughter replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."
Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm. His wife is lying in bed reading. Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache." Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep." Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
So this guy goes to Australia for a tourist trip and on the border they ask him if he had ever stayed in jail or had been arrested. So he says: " I did not know that was still required"
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says, "leave off, you won't bring it back."
I can't believe some of the jokes I am reading on here lately, to think I had my "St Paddy's Day" jokes deleted becuase it may offend the Irish?
It seems new boundaries have been set
Some of those jokes were really sick Raymondao.
Got any more?
I think you're wrong.
It's not about personal tastes it's about common decency. You're saying that these sort of jokes should be told on TV on something like The One Show on the basis that if you don't like them, then watch Emmerdale.
You don't know if you will be offended by a joke until you've heard it or in this case read it. Everyone, well most people on here, knows the difference between a funny joke and a sick one. Ok some people find "sick" jokes funny. I find sick jokes funny most of the time but I do not think they should be on a public forum like this. Those sort of jokes should be kept in the circle of people that you know will not be upset or offended by them.
blimey i won't post my sick jokes then. these were the politically correct ones !!!