Jokes..

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Comments

  • You saw a shirt for £97. You didn't have the cash, so you borrowed £50 from your mum and £50 from your dad = £100.


    You bought the shirt and had £3 change. You gave your dad £1 and your
    mum £1 and kept the other £1 for yourself. Now you owe your mum £49 and
    your dad £49.

    49+49 = 98 + your £1 = 99. Where is the missing £1?
  • You saw a shirt for £97. You didn't have the cash, so you borrowed £50 from your mum and £50 from your dad = £100.


    You bought the shirt and had £3 change. You gave your dad £1 and your
    mum £1 and kept the other £1 for yourself. Now you owe your mum £49 and
    your dad £49.

    49+49 = 98 + your £1 = 99. Where is the missing £1?
    i hate things like this, i can never sleep til i work it out.
  • I'm ashamed to say it's got me too. Maths was never my strong point but bloody hell. Hope some smart-arse someone on here can answer it for me. :-)
  • RobRob Member
    edited October 2011

    You're adding the wrong things together,

    Should be 49+49+1 for dad+1 for mum = 100. It's the +1 to yourself which is the problem. 

     

    Clear?  :-)

  • You owe £98 and you have £1, so net negative 97 (the price of the shirt). You dont add your £1 to the debts you owe.
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  • Floyd MontanaFloyd Montana Member
    edited October 2011
    I dont get these last few jokes!
  • That makes no sense. What do you mean where is this missing pound? If you're asking how you ended up with a pound then it's because you borrowed more than you needed, 3 quid more, and after paying back 2 you're left with 1
  • Sandra bought Me the "Carlos Tevez Greatest Goals" DVD.... I can't get it to play......
  • Sandra bought Me the "Carlos Tevez Greatest Goals" DVD.... I can't get it to play......
    I know the problem mate. I got the Wayne Rooney one but it keeps getting ejected when showing his England matches.



  • I was talking to the blokee over the road the other day.

    "My wifes just told me shes been having an affair with Dave the milkman" he said.

    "What? That fat ugly Fucker I see every morning outside your house?"

    "Yes," He said.

    "Why would Dave the milkman want to shag that?"

     

  • A gummy bear went to the doctor and explained that he thinks he had an STD, the doctor asks "you can't have an STD, your a gummy bear" so the bear replied "yeah, but I've been shagging all sorts"

    I'm here all week
  • I hired an eastern european cleaner but it took her 5 hrs to hoover the living room. Then I found out she's a slovak !!!!
  • an RAC van overtook me today. I noticed the driver was talking to himself and crying his eyes out............. I thought......he's heading for a breakdown !!!!!!
  • a woman was walking her dog by the river when the dog fell in and was drowning. Suddenly a German dwarf appeared, dived in and rescued the dog. He got the dog onto the riverbank and gave it the kiss of life. The dog coughed up water and started wagging its tail again. The woman was amazed and asked "are you a little vet?"

    "a little vet........ I'm F**king soaking" he replied

  • clivegcliveg Butters
    edited October 2011

    I said to my wife that I'd heard the milkman had shagged every woman in our street except one.

    She said "I bet it's that snooty cow at No.32."

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  • SoundAsa£ Member
    edited October 2011

    Bloke goes home from the pub and tells his wife....

     

    "That lousy bastard of a milkman is claiming he's screwed every woman in this street except for one"

     

    She smirks at him and replies.........."Ooooooh,  I bet it's that stuck-up bitch at No 47".

  • I said to my wife that I'd heard the milkman had shagged every woman in our street except one.

    She said "I bet it's that snooty cow at No.32."

    Bloke goes home from the pub and tells his wife....

     

    "That lousy bastard of a milkman is claiming he's screwed every woman in this street except for one"

     

    "Ooooooh,  I bet it's that stuck-up bitch at No 47".


    Did she move?
  • I'm getting used to people repeating my jokes on here but that was a bit much seeing as it was only two posts away!
  • Oh my.........I saw the other milkman joke from SE10 (just above) and it prompted me to post mine....I bet that's what made you think of it too.

    cliveveg.............I would greatly appreciate you not issuing a writ for plagurism.

  • clivegcliveg Butters
    edited October 2011

    Yes it was what prompted me.

     

    To be honest, it wasn't my joke...... I heard it before about 30 years ago!  ;-)

  • Yes it was what prompted me.

     

    To be honest, it wasn't my joke...... I heard it before about 30 years ago!  ;-)

    Me too.........I think it was an old Max Miller joke so it's decades old!
  • I met a transvestite from the Greater Manchester area in the pub on Friday......

    He had a Wigan address.....

  • i was walking across the athletics field when i saw a bloke with a long piece of fibre glass

    i said "are you a pole vaulter?"

    he said "no i am german but how did you know my name was walter ?"
  • LoOkOuTLoOkOuT Master Administrator
    I met a transvestite from the Bolton area in the pub on Thursday......
    He had a Wigan address.....
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  • :-)

  • Paul McCartney s already upset with his new wife. Apparently she is spending twice as much on shoes as the last one...

     

  • StigStig Moderator
    edited October 2011

    Soundas:  I think it was an old Max Miller joke so it's decades old!

    I was walking round a very narrow mountain pass; rock face on one side, sheer drop on the other.  Along the ledge from the other end come a very pretty girl.  There was no room to pass.  I didn't know whether to block her passage or toss myself off.


  • A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and an earthquake
    measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit Essex in the early hours
    of
    Friday with its epicentre in Basildon. Victims were seen wandering
    around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell".



    The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of
    damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the
    Costa Del Sol were damaged beyond repair.



    Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were
    woken well before their giros arrived. Essex FM reported that hundreds
    of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come
    to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in
    Basildon.



    One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It
    was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my
    bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept
    through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching
    Jeremy Kyle the next morning."



    Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.



    The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny
    Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are
    still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of
    personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth
    Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.



    HOW CAN YOU HELP?



    This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
    unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most
    sought after - items most needed include:



    Fila or Burberry baseball caps



    Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)



    Shell suits (female)



    White sport socks



    Rockport boots



    Any other items usually sold in Primark.



    Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include:



    Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or
    Special Brew. 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.



    £2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9. £5 buys
    B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.



    **Breaking news**



    Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry Alco-pop. 'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked.



    “ROMFORD" said the girl, "woss that gotta fkn do wiv you?










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