Comments

• jose

  August 8

  A mystery virus is causing people to forget British bands.
  
  Nobody knows the cure.
  

  14
• jose

  August 8

  A priest, a pastor and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood.
  
  The nurse asked the rabbit "what's your blood type?"
  
  "I'm probably a type O". said the rabbit
  

  13
• AddicksAddict

  August 12

  
  
  

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• AddicksAddict

  August 12

  jose said:

  A priest, a pastor and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood.
  
  The nurse asked the rabbit "what's your blood type?"
  
  "I'm probably a type O". said the rabbit
  

  The priest said "Holy Mary, mother of Jesus, a talking rabbit!".

  0
• AddicksAddict

  August 13

  AI was supposed to take over menial work so we'd all be free to be creative. Instead, it's taking over creative work so we're all free to be menial.
  

  0
• AddicksAddict

  August 16

  
  

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• ForeverAddickted

  August 16

  I cant get over the fact that the word "guillible" looks like a cat upside down

  6
• AddicksAddict

  August 17

  ForeverAddickted said:

  I cant get over the fact that the word "guillible" looks like a cat upside down

  “Gullible” has been removed from the Oxford English Dictionary. 

  1
• _MrDick

  August 18

  Two owls playing pool . The younger one tells the older one he’s never played before , but the older one assures him he will talk him through it 
  
  

  The older one is on spots and the younger one on stripes . As the young one goes to take his shot , his wing accidentally touches the spot ball 
  
  

  “Hey ! “ said the big owl , “ that’s two hits , that !” 
  
  

  The little owl looks confused and says , “ Two hits to who ?”

  6
• _MrDick

  August 18

  The wife was turned into a couch by a wicked witch and she ended up in  hospital.

  
  

  I enquired "How is she"?

  
  

  They replied "Comfortable"

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• Danepak

  August 18 edited August 18

  A guy walks into a bar and orders a Rum & Coke.
  The bartender puts an apple on the desk. The guy is confused, but the bartender tells him to take a bit.
  He takes a bite and is astonished that it tastes like Rum. The bartender then says: 'Turn it around'.
  The guy is even more astonished that the other side tastes like Coke.

  Another guy comes in, stands next to the first guy and orders a Gin & Tonic.

  The bartender again puts an apple on the desk. The guy is also confused, but again, the bartender tells him to take a bit.

  He takes a bite and is amazed that it tastes like Gin. The bartender then says: 'Turn it around'.

  The guy is even more amazed that the other side tastes like Tonic.
  
  

  A third guy comes in and just before he's about to order, one of the other guys tells him that this bartender has an amazing apple and he can make it taste of exactly what you want to have right now.
  The guy then thinks for a moment and says: OK, I would like to have something which tastes like pussy.
  Sure enough. The bartender puts an apple on the desk.
  The guy takes a bite and quickly spits it out and says: It tastes like shit!

  'Turn it around'.

  6
• MrWalker

  August 20 edited August 21

  I got caught stealing mascara in Saudi Arabia.
  
  They gave me 50 lashes

  8
• Swindon_Addick

  August 21

  
  
  

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• gringo

  August 21

  Swindon_Addick said:

  
  
  

  total shite in all its hues.

  0
• AddicksAddict

  August 22

  
  

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• Stig

  August 22

  The hardest football pitch I ever played on was made of crushed brick, rubble and concrete.
  Still, we won 3-2 on aggregate. 

  17
• AddicksAddict

  August 22

  
  

  4
• AddicksAddict

  August 23

  
  

  1
• gringo

  August 23

  AddicksAddict said:

  
  

  
  

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• AddicksAddict

  August 23

  gringo said:

  AddicksAddict said:

  
  

  
  

  Try this one then, less brain cells required. 

  
  

  
  

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• gringo

  August 23

  just a bit patronising.

  2
• jose

  August 23

  What do you call a magician who has lost their magic?
  
  
  
  
  
  
  Ian.

  7
• MrOneLung

  August 23

  AddicksAddict said:

  
  

  Yep, no idea what this is about. 

  
  

  Apparently means I have not got enough brain cells 

  0
• R0TW

  August 23

  Me neither, but I guess his dinner party mates must fall over each other laughing.

  2
• Stig

  August 23

  Well, that's challenged my brain cell to the point of giving up.
  

  0
• _MrDick

  August 23

  I remember watching Stars in their Eyes with Mathew Kelly who  one week noticed a pair of contestants , one of which was half the size of the other 
  
  

  ‘ I can’t help noticing the height difference ‘ said Mathew 
  
  

  ‘ This in my Uncle , and I am six foot two and my Uncle is three foot one 
  
  

  ‘ So who have you come as ? ‘ asked Mathew 
  
  

  ‘ Simon and Half Uncle

  2
• AddicksAddict

  6:15AM

  
  

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• AddicksAddict

  6:16AM

  R0TW said:

  Me neither, but I guess his dinner party mates must fall over each other laughing.

  Dinner parties are so last century, darling. 

  0
• Stig

  8:51AM

  I once had some German laxatives, they brought out the wurst in me.

  3