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General Things that Amuse You

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  • Hal1x
    Hal1x Posts: 4,265
    T_C_E said:
    Talking at The Valley to a couple of ex staff yesterday about when they were employed by the club and RM re wrote a section of the employees handbook on dress code.
    The section on female match day dress code was along the lines of skirts no shorter than 2" above the knee , no jeans torn or otherwise, no scoop or vest tops.
    The quote from a former member of staff (female) "Her ladyship rocks up in either spray on jeans or a skirt up her a5re and her t*ts out" :)
    see she weren't all bad.
  • Raith_C_Chattonell
    Raith_C_Chattonell Posts: 5,680
    Following the social media storm re the possible mass looting at Bexleyheath, these police officers were snapped on a steak out.


  • Stig
    Stig Posts: 29,026
    Truncheonmeat sandwich?
  • Gary Poole
    Gary Poole Posts: 1,874
    They’re the vice squad, sex and drugs and sausage rolls.
  • guinnessaddick
    guinnessaddick Posts: 28,633
    Raith_C_Chattonell said:
    Following the social media storm re the possible mass looting at Bexleyheath, these police officers were snapped on a steak out.


    Surely a steak bake?
  • Raith_C_Chattonell
    Raith_C_Chattonell Posts: 5,680
    TBF my brother sent me that story and my response was, 'pigs in blankets?'  He replied it wasn't very PC.
  • usetobunkin
    usetobunkin Posts: 2,184
    Raith_C_Chattonell said:
    Following the social media storm re the possible mass looting at Bexleyheath, these police officers were snapped on a steak out.


    No wonder they struggle with a Bleep Test a fat 12yr old could pass
  • North Lower Neil
    North Lower Neil Posts: 22,954
    edited August 2023
    Chav on the train yesterday, realising he was on the wrong one and trying to get the guard to stop the train to let him off.

    "You gotz to do me a favour bruv... what do you mean no?  I gotta get to Dartford...."

    Yeah because they stop trains in extra places because you're an idiot.
  • iaitch
    iaitch Posts: 10,230
    What was that Monkees song...'The last train to idiotsville'
  • Wilma
    Wilma Posts: 1,618
    North Lower Neil said:
    Chav on the train yesterday, realising he was on the wrong one and trying to get the guard to stop the train to let him off.

    "You gotz to do me a favour bruv... what do you mean no?  I gotta get to Dartford...."

    Yeah because they stop trains in extra places because you're an idiot.
    Poor guy, imagine being desperate to get to Dartford  :)
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  • Raith_C_Chattonell
    Raith_C_Chattonell Posts: 5,680
    North Lower Neil said:
    Chav on the train yesterday, realising he was on the wrong one and trying to get the guard to stop the train to let him off.

    "You gotz to do me a favour bruv... what do you mean no?  I gotta get to Dartford...."

    Yeah because they stop trains in extra places because you're an idiot.
    As this is CL - here is some must know info:-

    There are about 150 railway request stops in the UK - alas none on the Bexleyheath line.  Dilton Marsh is probably the closest to London. 

    The station is the subject of the poem 'Dilton Marsh Halt' by John Betjeman:[3]

    Was it worth keeping the Halt open,
    We thought as we looked at the sky
    Red through the spread of the cedar-tree,
    With the evening train gone by?
    Yes, we said, for in summer the anglers use it,
    Two and sometimes three
    Will bring their catches of rods and poles and perches
    To Westbury, home for tea.
    There isn't a porter. The platform is made of sleepers.
    The guard of the last train puts out the light
    And high over lorries and cattle the Halt unwinking
    Waits through the Wiltshire night.
    O housewife safe in the comprehensive churning
    Of the Warminster launderette!
    O husband down at the depot with car in car-park!
    The Halt is waiting yet.
    And when all the horrible roads are finally done for,
    And there's no more petrol left in the world to burn,
    Here to the Halt from Salisbury and from Bristol
    Steam trains will return.

     (Perhaps if the guard recited this to our hapless passenger he'd get the picture).

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Railway_request_stops_in_Great_Britain
  • Raith_C_Chattonell
    Raith_C_Chattonell Posts: 5,680
    I read today that American research has concluded that beer goggles do not exist.

    Huh, research that I've carried out over many years would beg to differ!
  • T_C_E
    T_C_E Posts: 16,420
    Leaving school after our first day back I neared home I spotted a guy with a dog at the top of my road, as he turned the corner. I distinctly heard the conversation that went "Watch out lady there's a bloody great dog coming around that corner, you mind yourself" then a voice I recognised saying "That'll probably be my husband, he would have just finished school with one of our Therapy dogs" As I turned the corner to see my wife smiling/laughing as this guy looking very embarrassed scuttled off with his Cocker Spaniel.. 
  • cafcdave123
    cafcdave123 Posts: 11,491

  • IdleHans
    IdleHans Posts: 10,968
    The increasing width of the trousers worn by female newsreaders on the BBC. It's as if they're having a competition to wear the most ridiculous trousers possible, made with five times more cloth than necessary, requiring the wearer to take four steps before the trousers even begin to move.
  • iaitch
    iaitch Posts: 10,230
    cafcdave123 said:

    That's a rare picture of Ayew standing up.
  • North Lower Neil
    North Lower Neil Posts: 22,954
    Jesse Lingard apparently pricing himself out of a move to Saudi Arabia.

    They're chucking money about - how much did he ask for?!
  • charltonkeston
    charltonkeston Posts: 7,365
    A few weeks ago I went to a HiFi show at Ascot. It was pretty much all of the things I could never afford but nice to see anyway, 50k turntables 80k speakers, amps the price of houses, really nice stuff.
    There was a guy there who's company sold 13 amp fuses that he admitted to me were in fact normal 13 amp fuses but he had cryogenically treated them, (stuck them in liquid nitrogen), polished the case  and then put his label on. He then sold these for £30 a pop. Apparently its a thing, the fuse is the choke point in your system.
    I thought this was a bit steep for a fuse you can buy in Sainsburys for a about 10p although its structure might not be a refined as one that the guy was plugging.

    So I wondered How much could you pay for a 13 A fuse, at which point I realised some people either have hearing like a bat, may be too much money, gullible or all three.
    Personally if fuse  mattered that much to me I'd make do with a few strands of silver wire and take a chance and then I found these.

    Have a look at this, I'd want to be able to at least see it;

    https://www.futureshop.co.uk/brands-category/quantum-science-audio/qsa-uk-13a-fuses?price=2285.00-8000.00
  • MrWalker
    MrWalker Posts: 4,107
    Angry people who still use “you absolute melt” on here.
    great stuff.
  • IdleHans
    IdleHans Posts: 10,968
    My MiL loves a moan. We hate listening to the same old negative shit. But Mrs Idle carries out her filial duty by inviting the old battleaxe for dinner every other Saturday evening.

    To make the evening a little more tolerable, tonight we are playing moaning grandma bingo. We put eight topics into a hat and draw four each. When she's moaned about all four of yours, shout 'HOUSE!'

    Topics include:
    Mrs Idle's brother
    The weather turning colder
    Christmas
    The new shop layout in Waitrose

    Let's see how this goes...

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  • NorthheathAddick
    NorthheathAddick Posts: 4,018
    charltonkeston said:
    A few weeks ago I went to a HiFi show at Ascot. It was pretty much all of the things I could never afford but nice to see anyway, 50k turntables 80k speakers, amps the price of houses, really nice stuff.
    There was a guy there who's company sold 13 amp fuses that he admitted to me were in fact normal 13 amp fuses but he had cryogenically treated them, (stuck them in liquid nitrogen), polished the case  and then put his label on. He then sold these for £30 a pop. Apparently its a thing, the fuse is the choke point in your system.
    I thought this was a bit steep for a fuse you can buy in Sainsburys for a about 10p although its structure might not be a refined as one that the guy was plugging.

    So I wondered How much could you pay for a 13 A fuse, at which point I realised some people either have hearing like a bat, may be too much money, gullible or all three.
    Personally if fuse  mattered that much to me I'd make do with a few strands of silver wire and take a chance and then I found these.

    Have a look at this, I'd want to be able to at least see it;

    https://www.futureshop.co.uk/brands-category/quantum-science-audio/qsa-uk-13a-fuses?price=2285.00-8000.00




    WTF…😮
  • usetobunkin
    usetobunkin Posts: 2,184
    NorthheathAddick said:
    charltonkeston said:
    A few weeks ago I went to a HiFi show at Ascot. It was pretty much all of the things I could never afford but nice to see anyway, 50k turntables 80k speakers, amps the price of houses, really nice stuff.
    There was a guy there who's company sold 13 amp fuses that he admitted to me were in fact normal 13 amp fuses but he had cryogenically treated them, (stuck them in liquid nitrogen), polished the case  and then put his label on. He then sold these for £30 a pop. Apparently its a thing, the fuse is the choke point in your system.
    I thought this was a bit steep for a fuse you can buy in Sainsburys for a about 10p although its structure might not be a refined as one that the guy was plugging.

    So I wondered How much could you pay for a 13 A fuse, at which point I realised some people either have hearing like a bat, may be too much money, gullible or all three.
    Personally if fuse  mattered that much to me I'd make do with a few strands of silver wire and take a chance and then I found these.

    Have a look at this, I'd want to be able to at least see it;

    https://www.futureshop.co.uk/brands-category/quantum-science-audio/qsa-uk-13a-fuses?price=2285.00-8000.00




    WTF…😮
    Too think i use to use a 1/4" bolt with the head cut off when my electric drill was blowing fuses.
  • IdleHans
    IdleHans Posts: 10,968
    Topping up the olive oil (7 quid a bottle) that Mrs Idle insists on using, with sunflower oil (2 quid) when she's not looking. She hasn't noticed the difference yet and it's saving a bundle.
  • Stig
    Stig Posts: 29,026
    I got a little presentation from my online bank about how I'd spent my money this year. It told me I was in the top 5% of spenders at Wetherspoons. You can't buy class like that. Well you can, it's £2.55 a pint.
  • Stig
    Stig Posts: 29,026
    IdleHans said:
    Topping up the olive oil (7 quid a bottle) that Mrs Idle insists on using, with sunflower oil (2 quid) when she's not looking. She hasn't noticed the difference yet and it's saving a bundle.
    Great story, but sorry your reference to Mrs Idle made me think of this.


  • T_C_E
    T_C_E Posts: 16,420
    My Missus getting all irate when I get non/recycling bins mixed up, saying it’s doing our bit for the environment.
    Then getting all arsey because I’ve left her presents as delivered 🤷‍♂️😂

  • moutuakilla
    moutuakilla Posts: 7,568
    Bargains at Tesco 

  • Stuart_the_Red
    Stuart_the_Red Posts: 1,851
    Watching Crufts on telly and then spotting our scruffs and wondering where it all went wrong! 😂😂😂


  • DaveMehmet
    DaveMehmet Posts: 21,601
    Stuart_the_Red said:
    Watching Crufts on telly and then spotting our scruffs and wondering where it all went wrong! 😂😂😂


    Hate to break it to you mate but one of them’s not even a dog.
  • O-Randy-Hunt
    O-Randy-Hunt Posts: 10,652
    Stumbled across this recently and it made me wonder how many of us are proper charlton and own a real time train board. Didn't realise spurs liked a choo choo aswell.



    You can purchase them here fellow train geeks.

    https://ukdepartureboards.co.uk/

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