A friend of mine has 2 tickets in a corporate box for England versus Ireland on 17th March at Twickenham. He paid £300 each but he didn’t realise when he bought them months ago that it would coincide with his wedding day.
If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place.
It’s at Mary Street Registry Office at 4.30 PM . The bride’s name is Nicola; She’s 5ft 4”, about 8 stone, quite pretty, has her own income and is a really good cook.
Sad news at the Nestle factory today when a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath. He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted “The milky bars are on me” everyone cheered.
A lawyer representing a wealthy art collector called and asked to speak to his client. On being put through he says, "Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day. Let's hear the good news first."
The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested £5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of £20 million. I think she could be right."
Saul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you with your secretary."
Comments
“It was the Bicester Times, it was The Worcester Times”
Have you tried patches?
What's he, a poodle?
Went on to see the alligators. I was still wanking.
If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place.
It’s at Mary Street Registry Office at 4.30 PM . The bride’s name is Nicola; She’s 5ft 4”, about 8 stone, quite pretty, has her own income and is a really good cook.
What fucking planet is she on ?
But at least I avocado.
Sad news at the Nestle factory today when a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath. He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted “The milky bars are on me” everyone cheered.
It was worth it just to see his little face light up.
Police said he really should have had another coat.
He said it is over flo.
One of the questions asked us to rearrange the letters "PNEIS" into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who answered SPINE are doctors today.
The rest of us are sending jokes via email!
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day. Let's hear the good news first."
The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested £5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of £20 million. I think she could be right."
Saul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you with your secretary."
They still drifted apart.
If it wasn't him, it was his spitting image
When I lived on a houseboat, I had a thing about the girl on the boat next door, but we drifted apart.