Weirdest thing a colleague has done

Carter said:

Remembered one

I didn't work with this man in question very often but I knew him. He was a good bloke but had no concept of the world the rest of us live in. He was massively into militaria and the money he made from trading that stuff, a lot of it very ghoulish (Japanese flags with blood on them, SS regalia, AK47 parts the lot). Anyway he brought some of this shit in from time to time and showed people, he didn't do it to freak people out although it did put the shits up a lot of people, it was just the way he was.

One day, I won't say when exactly but it was over 10 years ago, and I've got no idea how this happened, a hand grenade fell from his vehicle in the Blackwell tunnel and was picked up by CCTV and a hell of a lot of terrified motorists and reported to the authorities. I think the tunnel was closed for nearly 4 hours whilst the bomb squad dealt with this thing.

I'm sure a bit of this has been exaggerated as I didn't get to hear about it until the next day and by then it was about 6th hand. The main facts remain true though. A real, non replica hand grenade fell from the window of a company van, the tunnel was shut and he somehow, unbelievably, he kept his job on the condition he was banned from working out in the field forever and would remain in a permanent office role to prevent or at least limit his mayhem.

Last time I saw him was at the wedding of a former colleague and he turned up in A German officers ceremonial dress from world war two. I decided to swerve him then and even though he continues to haunt me on Facebook with friend requests I will not entertain him for fear of guilt of something by association

PaddyP17 said:

Not an office job, but a character I encountered while I was moonlighting as a jazz pianist in Mayfair. (Sadly no longer in that band - a shame, as it was good money - but got ghosted out when the singer replaced me without telling me, which was a real bastard move. Fuck you [redacted].)

Obviously, there's a certain amount of weirdness if you're a musician anyway, particularly so if you're a jazz musician, but this dude took the biscuit. He only did one gig with us, but I'll reel a few things off. He was a drummer - and admittedly generally a very, VERY good one - but he was two notes short of a solo, so to speak:

- During one song he did what I can only describe as a live "fade out" in the middle of the solo sections. He went from keeping a beat to miming at the kit, pretending to play, and every so often just going "ooh", or "yeah", or "nice one! teehee!" (and yeah he did actually laugh by saying "teehee".)

- It got to the point in another song where we were all going for it where he stopped playing a beat during a bass solo (perfectly acceptable), but then got up and started walking around and trying to flirt with the lead singer (not acceptable given it was a bloody performance we were being paid to do etc, and not acceptable generally).

- Halfway through his own drum solo, he was so taken by his own playing he just mid-fill went "Woo! Well, that was the ONE right there. Woo!" and resumed playing. Quite often he would just interject with "YEAAAHHH! OOWWWW! OOOHH!" or other similar vocalisations. That's relatively standard, but man he was loud about it.

- He was, and I think still is, living in Liverpool John Lennon Airport. This isn't because he doesn't have a flat - he does, in London - but because he likes the excitement of it. Said gig I did with him was during one of his rare sojourns in the big smoke.

There's probably more but I only met him the once. Very entertaining character. Really, really fantastic drummer though, to be fair.

DaveMehmet said:

SurvivaloftheFittest said:

Croydon said:

Back at a previous investment company, there was a blossoming office romance between Sarah* and Dan*. Sarah also happened to live with a gay bloke from the office, called Alex*.

Alex was notorious for sleazing on straight lads at company dos and nights out, and he was often close to a a slap on numerous occasions for his advances.

One day, Dan went to Sarah's house after work before Sarah had finished work. Sarah then comes home to the flat to find her 'straight' boyfriend balls deep in male colleague Alex.

Dan never returned to the office, and Sarah and Alex had to be moved to different teams.

I can’t believe I’ve read this on here. I was about to post the exact same story.

I worked on an HR systems implementation at what I’m guessing is the same investment management company when it all kicked off.

Police had to be called over death threats that were allegedly sent and they were interviewed in the HR meeting rooms.

Small world eh Dan?

SurvivaloftheFittest said:

Croydon said:

Back at a previous investment company, there was a blossoming office romance between Sarah* and Dan*. Sarah also happened to live with a gay bloke from the office, called Alex*.

Alex was notorious for sleazing on straight lads at company dos and nights out, and he was often close to a a slap on numerous occasions for his advances.

One day, Dan went to Sarah's house after work before Sarah had finished work. Sarah then comes home to the flat to find her 'straight' boyfriend balls deep in male colleague Alex.

Dan never returned to the office, and Sarah and Alex had to be moved to different teams.

I can’t believe I’ve read this on here. I was about to post the exact same story.

I worked on an HR systems implementation at what I’m guessing is the same investment management company when it all kicked off.

Police had to be called over death threats that were allegedly sent and they were interviewed in the HR meeting rooms.

ElfsborgAddick said:

roseandcrown said:

A few years back our office had a rule mobiles had to be switched off during working hours, no one really did this but kept phones on silent and did not really take calls but would go to the toilet to text etc.

This one girl had only been working at our office a few months and was warned about disappearing to make phone calls etc. Shen then started to go under her desk to take a phone call and when challenged would say she was taking to her bin while checking if it needed emptying, to make her excuse look realistic she would then start going under her desk at times without her phone to talk to her bin.

Shame I was not sitting opposite her.

roseandcrown said:

A few years back our office had a rule mobiles had to be switched off during working hours, no one really did this but kept phones on silent and did not really take calls but would go to the toilet to text etc.

This one girl had only been working at our office a few months and was warned about disappearing to make phone calls etc. Shen then started to go under her desk to take a phone call and when challenged would say she was taking to her bin while checking if it needed emptying, to make her excuse look realistic she would then start going under her desk at times without her phone to talk to her bin.

charltonkeston said:

I once disassembled my mates bike right down to the last nut and bolt, put in in a large sack and stuck it under his desk. My colleagues told me he wouldn’t find it funny but I thought he would.
They were correct, he was livid.
Anyway he was a Palarse supporter so I thought he was fair game to be wound up.

SurvivaloftheFittest said:

Croydon said:

Back at a previous investment company, there was a blossoming office romance between Sarah* and Dan*. Sarah also happened to live with a gay bloke from the office, called Alex*.

Alex was notorious for sleazing on straight lads at company dos and nights out, and he was often close to a a slap on numerous occasions for his advances.

One day, Dan went to Sarah's house after work before Sarah had finished work. Sarah then comes home to the flat to find her 'straight' boyfriend balls deep in male colleague Alex.

Dan never returned to the office, and Sarah and Alex had to be moved to different teams.

I can’t believe I’ve read this on here. I was about to post the exact same story.

I worked on an HR systems implementation at what I’m guessing is the same investment management company when it all kicked off.

Police had to be called over death threats that were allegedly sent and they were interviewed in the HR meeting rooms.

NorthStandUltra said:

One firm a new bloke started in sales, first day went out for a fag around 9.20am and was never seen again. Also had a bloke have some kind of meltdown over lack of bonuses & strop out of the office & then proceeded to have a dirty protest in the bogs, up the walls & everything - he quit before he was fired

Then I worked with a Dad’s Army obsessive who played Private Pike in reinactment groups who turned out to be a member of the EDL & stood as a candidate for UKIP in the local elections, had loads of Nazi Memorabilia & brought a decommissioned grenade in as a desk ornament

RodneyCharltonTrotta said:

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NorthStandUltra said:

One firm a new bloke started in sales, first day went out for a fag around 9.20am and was never seen again. Also had a bloke have some kind of meltdown over lack of bonuses & strop out of the office & then proceeded to have a dirty protest in the bogs, up the walls & everything - he quit before he was fired

Then I worked with a Dad’s Army obsessive who played Private Pike in reinactment groups who turned out to be a member of the EDL & stood as a candidate for UKIP in the local elections, had loads of Nazi Memorabilia & brought a decommissioned grenade in as a desk ornament

That's an episode of Peep Show.

DaveMehmet said:

The Red Robin said:

Two other quick ones.

Mate of mine used to brazenly do coke on his desk. Good salesman but loved his drugs, had some great nights out with him.

My sister-in-law used to be a facilities manager at a UK wide firm and a woman once shat her knickers, panicked and flushed them down the toilet. By doing so she put three floors worth of toilets out of order.

What the f**k had she been eating?