An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.
'I would like it infrequently' she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, leaned over towards her and whispered ––
In the spirit of festive forgiveness, I'll reprise from last years my favourite Gary Delaney gag.
In B and Q 'I'd like a Christmas tree please' 'Certainly sir, are you going to put it up yourself?' 'No, in the living room.'
I went to B&Q the other day. A bloke in a black and orange shirt came up and asked me if I wanted decking. Fortunately I got the first punch in and that was that. Others may not be so lucky. Be on your guard.
Not a joke, but keeps me amused.......Every time it snows I post a picture of our Xena-Powell playing in the snow and every time someone say's "Where"??
Not a joke, but keeps me amused.......Every time it snows I post a picture of our Xena-Powell playing in the snow and every time someone say's "Where"??
Not a joke, but keeps me amused.......Every time it snows I post a picture of our Xena-Powell playing in the snow and every time someone say's "Where"??
To be fair it could have been a lush green field and would struggle to see the dog.
Not a joke, but keeps me amused.......Every time it snows I post a picture of our Xena-Powell playing in the snow and every time someone say's "Where"??
Not a joke, but keeps me amused.......Every time it snows I post a picture of our Xena-Powell playing in the snow and every time someone say's "Where"??
Is that a female action hero / boy scout cross?
She's a rescue, Xena was her name when we got her. Powell as in Chris as all our dogs have a Charlton related name.
Not a joke, but keeps me amused.......Every time it snows I post a picture of our Xena-Powell playing in the snow and every time someone say's "Where"??
Is that a female action hero / boy scout cross?
She's a rescue, Xena was her name when we got her. Powell as in Chris as all our dogs have a Charlton related name. However, it’s a bit embarrassing when I have to call Fuck of Roland to heel.
Not a joke, but keeps me amused.......Every time it snows I post a picture of our Xena-Powell playing in the snow and every time someone say's "Where"??
Not a joke, but keeps me amused.......Every time it snows I post a picture of our Xena-Powell playing in the snow and every time someone say's "Where"??
Where??
This reminds me of the old New of the World, 'Spot the Ball' competition.
Ray, perhaps you could start a new one, Spot the Dog.
Comments
Sandra: 'Ere Trace I gotta new ringtone'
Trace; 'Have you bleached it then Sarn?'
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.
'I would like it infrequently' she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, leaned over towards her and whispered ––
'Is that one word or two?'
Wednesday - Dad locked me in the basement and told me this is where I will now be living.
Thursday - Dad came down to the basement and beat me.
Friday - Dad came down to the basement and beat me harder.
Saturday - I ran away and went to see my beloved Crystal Palace, wished I stayed at home.
A bloke in a black and orange shirt came up and asked me if I wanted decking.
Fortunately I got the first punch in and that was that.
Others may not be so lucky.
Be on your guard.
"I probably could" she laughed.
"Great. I'll just go and get yours." I said.
It's like OCD, but the letters are in alphabetical order.
Like they're supposed to be.
So I dumped her.
Husband texts back. "Just pour some slightly warm water over it."
Few minutes later wife texts back " Computer completely fcked now!"
Ray, perhaps you could start a new one, Spot the Dog.