The sexual innuendo thread.
Comments
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The missus always gets looked after so well by the nurses at the ante natal clinic and I expect the gynaecologist has a hand in it6
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I’ll leave you to imagine whatever you want.SoundAsa£ said:
Oh, so you bat for the other side I assume?thai malaysia addick said:
Well, yes, actually. She had different sexual preferences to me.SoundAsa£ said:
Is that honestly what you thought?thai malaysia addick said:I used to work with a lady in Malaysia who regularly said to me, "Can I have a quick one?" She meant in case you are wondering, a quick chat. I could never bring myself to explain to her the innuendo.1 -
You mean she liked men?thai malaysia addick said:
Well, yes, actually. She had different sexual preferences to me.SoundAsa£ said:
Is that honestly what you thought?thai malaysia addick said:I used to work with a lady in Malaysia who regularly said to me, "Can I have a quick one?" She meant in case you are wondering, a quick chat. I could never bring myself to explain to her the innuendo.0 -
Er, no. At least not in the way you are thinking.AddicksAddict said:
You mean she liked men?thai malaysia addick said:
Well, yes, actually. She had different sexual preferences to me.SoundAsa£ said:
Is that honestly what you thought?thai malaysia addick said:I used to work with a lady in Malaysia who regularly said to me, "Can I have a quick one?" She meant in case you are wondering, a quick chat. I could never bring myself to explain to her the innuendo.0 -
So you're saying she like women. Assuming you're male and heterosexual, you like women, too, so surely that's the same preference as you, no?thai malaysia addick said:
Er, no. At least not in the way you are thinking.AddicksAddict said:
You mean she liked men?thai malaysia addick said:
Well, yes, actually. She had different sexual preferences to me.SoundAsa£ said:
Is that honestly what you thought?thai malaysia addick said:I used to work with a lady in Malaysia who regularly said to me, "Can I have a quick one?" She meant in case you are wondering, a quick chat. I could never bring myself to explain to her the innuendo.
PS I am being wilfully obtuse.3 -
Just spit it out @thai malaysia addick
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You have been soundly whooshed!!AddicksAddict said:
So you're saying she like women. Assuming you're male and heterosexual, you like women, too, so surely that's the same preference as you, no?thai malaysia addick said:
Er, no. At least not in the way you are thinking.AddicksAddict said:
You mean she liked men?thai malaysia addick said:
Well, yes, actually. She had different sexual preferences to me.SoundAsa£ said:
Is that honestly what you thought?thai malaysia addick said:I used to work with a lady in Malaysia who regularly said to me, "Can I have a quick one?" She meant in case you are wondering, a quick chat. I could never bring myself to explain to her the innuendo.
PS I am being wilfully obtuse.0 -
Some clarity needed here, I think, to satisfy the curiosity of @AddicksAddict, @SoundAsa£ and @Arsenetatters. I like some men and some women but not all men and not all women. When it comes to sexual matters, I only like women but not all women. The lady in Malaysia I referred to likes some men and some women but not all men and not all women. When it comes to sexual matters for her, I think she only likes some women but not all women. There will be no further statements today as my solicitor charges extortionate fees at this time of day. Anyway, I need a quick one. Down the pub, that is.
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I tried to understand that but I found it long and hardthai malaysia addick said:Some clarity needed here, I think, to satisfy the curiosity of @AddicksAddict, @SoundAsa£ and @Arsenetatters. I like some men and some women but not all men and not all women. When it comes to sexual matters, I only like women but not all women. The lady in Malaysia I referred to likes some men and some women but not all men and not all women. When it comes to sexual matters for her, I think she only likes some women but not all women. There will be no further statements today as my solicitor charges extortionate fees at this time of day. Anyway, I need a quick one. Down the pub, that is.
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Arsenetatters said:
I tried to understand that but I found it long and hardthai malaysia addick said:Some clarity needed here, I think, to satisfy the curiosity of @AddicksAddict, @SoundAsa£ and @Arsenetatters. I like some men and some women but not all men and not all women. When it comes to sexual matters, I only like women but not all women. The lady in Malaysia I referred to likes some men and some women but not all men and not all women. When it comes to sexual matters for her, I think she only likes some women but not all women. There will be no further statements today as my solicitor charges extortionate fees at this time of day. Anyway, I need a quick one. Down the pub, that is.
Had a happy ending though.
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Wasn't gonna post on this churlish thread but have decided to give it one.2
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Bit too soft for me to be honestbobmunro said:Arsenetatters said:
I tried to understand that but I found it long and hardthai malaysia addick said:Some clarity needed here, I think, to satisfy the curiosity of @AddicksAddict, @SoundAsa£ and @Arsenetatters. I like some men and some women but not all men and not all women. When it comes to sexual matters, I only like women but not all women. The lady in Malaysia I referred to likes some men and some women but not all men and not all women. When it comes to sexual matters for her, I think she only likes some women but not all women. There will be no further statements today as my solicitor charges extortionate fees at this time of day. Anyway, I need a quick one. Down the pub, that is.
Had a happy ending though.
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Keep it up. Your humour, I mean.Arsenetatters said:
I tried to understand that but I found it long and hardthai malaysia addick said:Some clarity needed here, I think, to satisfy the curiosity of @AddicksAddict, @SoundAsa£ and @Arsenetatters. I like some men and some women but not all men and not all women. When it comes to sexual matters, I only like women but not all women. The lady in Malaysia I referred to likes some men and some women but not all men and not all women. When it comes to sexual matters for her, I think she only likes some women but not all women. There will be no further statements today as my solicitor charges extortionate fees at this time of day. Anyway, I need a quick one. Down the pub, that is.1 -
This is much more interesting than the match thread where we're getting shafted.
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Who’s playing in the hole?Arsenetatters said:This is much more interesting than the match thread where we're getting shafted.6 -
Used to be asked by a much older lady when I was a young apprentice, “Could You fill my slot ?” This was when she needed to powered her nose and I would answer the phone while she was gone.6
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Did she sneeze powerfully?usetobunkin said:Used to be asked by a much older lady when I was a young apprentice, “Could You fill my slot ?” This was when she needed to powered her nose and I would answer the phone while she was gone.2 -
We might come from behind!Arsenetatters said:This is much more interesting than the match thread where we're getting shafted.3 -
Any phrase can be made into an innuendo simply by adding “as the actress said to the bishop”!
Fact!1 -
oohh...you're hardStuart_the_Red said:Any phrase can be made into an innuendo simply by adding “as the actress said to the bishop”!
Fact!5 - Sponsored links:
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I was walking through a narrow mountain passage. There was only room for one person with a solid wall of rock on one side and a thousand foot drop on the other. Then from around a corner came the most beautiful girl walking in the opposite direction. I didn't know whether to block her passage or toss myself off. [Max Miller]3
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Perhaps this thread should be made members only7
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In a restaurant the other day paying the bill on credit card. Me: It's over £100?" Attractive waitress: "Yes, can you just put it up the bottom?"
I just cracked up (so to speak) much to the bemusement of Mrs cafcfan and her sister.2 -
I took my wife for a romantic weekend to Venice. She was delighted when I took her up the Grand Canal for the first time.2
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Sounds like the female ITV presenter wants Germany to go deep.
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Yes - only because they looked a bit light up frontForeverAddickted said:Sounds like the female ITV presenter wants Germany to go deep.1 -
SoundAsa£ said:
You have been soundly whooshed!!AddicksAddict said:
So you're saying she like women. Assuming you're male and heterosexual, you like women, too, so surely that's the same preference as you, no?thai malaysia addick said:
Er, no. At least not in the way you are thinking.AddicksAddict said:
You mean she liked men?thai malaysia addick said:
Well, yes, actually. She had different sexual preferences to me.SoundAsa£ said:
Is that honestly what you thought?thai malaysia addick said:I used to work with a lady in Malaysia who regularly said to me, "Can I have a quick one?" She meant in case you are wondering, a quick chat. I could never bring myself to explain to her the innuendo.
PS I am being wilfully obtuse.
Au contraire. J'ai whoosed, je n'ai pas été whooshed.
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did they change ends after 45 minutes ?Arsenetatters said:This is much more interesting than the match thread where we're getting shafted.1 -
Get a load of this. This is what I have stored in my archive...
MICHAEL Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."
Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."
MIKE Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."
WINNING Post's Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's formidable lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."
ROSS King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond: "Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."
CLAIR Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."
JAMES Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"
STEVE Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69."
A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard! **My Favourite**
US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them.... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"
Metro Radio - "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew."
Ted Walsh- Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."
New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."
Pat Glenn- Weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"17 -
Excellent stuff tma.🤭thai malaysia addick said:Get a load of this. This is what I have stored in my archive...MICHAEL Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."
Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."
MIKE Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."
WINNING Post's Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's formidable lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."
ROSS King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond: "Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."
CLAIR Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."
JAMES Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"
STEVE Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69."
A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard! **My Favourite**
US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them.... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"
Metro Radio - "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew."
Ted Walsh- Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."
New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."
Pat Glenn- Weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"3
