Since I retired from multi-national pharmaceuticals a few years ago, I have come to miss Lean Sigma philosophy.
I especially miss the 'green belts' who would guide our every step ... suitably risk-assessed before, of course.
I will confess that I once managed to get through a three-day training course (aka Boot Camp ... I kid you not) without removing my Lean Sigma ring binder from its shrink wrapping ... and no-one even suspected.
This Covid pandemic will change many things, some for the better. One of my expectations is that these vacuous, non-value added, self-perpetuating activities will fall by the wayside, and somehow we'll get by just fine.
'The art of the possible' really makes my shit itch, along with: 'Let's take that offline', and 'We'll workshop that'
"The art of the possible" is doubly annoying when it is the mantra of someone committed to squashing every idea proposed by their underlings; more like art of the impossible.
The particular ignoramus I'm thinking of did used to make me laugh though when she'd talk about having a 'Pandora's Box' full of ideas, obviously not understanding the significance of what that meant. No-one ever explained to her. It was just left as a very public sign of her ignorance.
Had a bloke I was working for a couple of years ago who would email me after virtually every phonecall, to confirm what we had said, saying "After our telecommunication on (date)". I was only building him a garden gate
Interesting how a word or phrase will take hold in an organisation and then spread. Recent examples where I worked include 'transformation' (in reality moving a bit faster than glacial), 'pivot' (change direction) and 'landed' (as in 'yes, that really landed with me').
I normally ask a colleague to punch me if they hear me spouting such bollocks.
Culture and values are also two words that are bandied about too much and have created an industry for those that were bullied at school
I absolutely hate that crap! All corporate 'values' are the same shit, just worded slightly differently.
We all have an annual objective 'to work in accordance with the corporate values' and have to come up with some crap to say how we've done it. It's just basic common decency, I don't need a fancy intranet page telling me that I should treat my colleagues nicely and not be an arse!
Comments
... empty. Go and get another bottle.
Elevator pitch
Look under the bonnet
Al desko
Strategic staircase
Punch a puppy
Touch base offline
And no presentation is complete without the use of 'holistic'
All phrases used by me in my final handover to my Board before I fucked off into retirement.
Cost my Director £100 and the bar tab at my leaving do.
keeping my powder dry
any press release by a CEO of any major company is usually buzzword vomit.
‘He’s ex-IBM or he’s ex Google’
I especially miss the 'green belts' who would guide our every step ... suitably risk-assessed before, of course.
I will confess that I once managed to get through a three-day training course (aka Boot Camp ... I kid you not) without removing my Lean Sigma ring binder from its shrink wrapping ... and no-one even suspected.
This Covid pandemic will change many things, some for the better. One of my expectations is that these vacuous, non-value added, self-perpetuating activities will fall by the wayside, and somehow we'll get by just fine.
The particular ignoramus I'm thinking of did used to make me laugh though when she'd talk about having a 'Pandora's Box' full of ideas, obviously not understanding the significance of what that meant. No-one ever explained to her. It was just left as a very public sign of her ignorance.
"Touch base"
Had a bloke I was working for a couple of years ago who would email me after virtually every phonecall, to confirm what we had said, saying "After our telecommunication on (date)". I was only building him a garden gate
"Touch base".
I normally ask a colleague to punch me if they hear me spouting such bollocks.
We all have an annual objective 'to work in accordance with the corporate values' and have to come up with some crap to say how we've done it. It's just basic common decency, I don't need a fancy intranet page telling me that I should treat my colleagues nicely and not be an arse!
Ring fencing
Solutionise - that's not even a word!
One of these always makes the meetings more interesting, though one person did shout 'house' two hours into a strategic planning meeting once.
”Who is owning this action?”