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Roland Interview February 2017

edited February 2016 in General Charlton
"We underestimated League 1"

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    "Katrien is doing a superb job"
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    Weve proven we want to commit to the team by dipping into the Transfer Market, we hope Carlos will be fit by June to make an impact
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    We was unlucky with injuries, how was we supposed to know signing players with no match fitness and playing them straight away would result in an injury crisis. Oh and the club Hotel is not for sale move on.
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    We are surprised that using a stats based model doesn't work in English football.
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    Of course we will learn from our mistakes.
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    I thought I said this before, but our plan is to be competitive in League 1 with Championship ambition
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    Trust hoping for dialogue.
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    The new seats have lasted really well (because no one uses them?)
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    Yes, there have been enquiries about groups looking to invest in the club, but my emails are passed on to their CEOs and no-one comes back to me...
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    I take great pleasure in the success of CACT, of which CAFC is the footballing arm...
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    You must remember all the money I spent on the new pitch blah blah blah....................
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    The key requirement for all of the head coaches (23 and counting) is their willingness to work with youngsters.

    In hiring Karel Fraeye's sister, we achieved that, her background was strong as a Montessori teacher, and no-one else would have the courage to field a team made up of pre-schoolers...
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    edited February 2016
    The new heright rule for incoming Charlton players is now in place. 1.85 meters. Nothing less will do.
    I hope this makes the Valley an enjoyable place for you to watch League 2 football next season.
    Next season will also see more innovations at the newly renamed Chantilly Lace Happy Valley, including 16 chips for fans selected to simulate sex acts on our new, wipe clean sofa.
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    I have now been to The Valley 5 times which is way more than Ujpest, what more do you want? Huh?
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    "Where's my nurse ?"
    *dribbles and starts twitching*
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    Customers can come down and see our young stars of the future play before they're ready for first team action and then hopefully we sell them onto the championship
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    edited February 2016
    Nurse: Have you had your medication yet this morning, M. Duchatelet?

    RD: Huh?

    Nurse: Your medication, you know the pills and stuff you have to take every day.

    RD: I don't know, what medication?

    Nurse: Well there's Valium for your anxiety, Donepezil for your mental functioning, Pinnochiodine to help calm down your lying, Zyprexa for your psychosis, Chlorhexidine for your halitosis and Viagra for when Miss Meire visits.

    RD: Viagra for when Miss Meire visits! Why would I need Viagra for when Miss Meire visits?

    Nurse: We'll you're rather old and it's a bit floppy... and she's been Chief Puppet at Charlton for three years now so she's used to having things a bit hard.

    RD [getting agitated]: I do not need Vigara madam. I am Roland Duchatelet and I do not do failure!

    Nurse: Oh gawd, matron, MATRON, quick we need the straight jacket again!

    RD [struggling furiously]: Stop... you can't do that... stop I say... help... HELP... They're kidnapping me...HELP!!! And get that Chinese one away. Can't trust 'em you know. Damn foreigners.

    - RD is wheeled away on a trolley to a padded room -

    RD [wittering to self]: I am Roland Duchatelet... I am a successful man... I don't do failure... Everybody loves me... Oh, why didn't they tell me that League One wasn't the best league, it all seemed so easy.

    - Meanwhile in the staff room -

    Matron: Nurse, next time he goes like that I want you to wire his balls up for ECT.

    Nurse: Will that help is condition then, matron?

    Matron: No, but it will make all the Charlton fans fell better!
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    We under estimated the cost of the rebuild of the academy I am now digging into my pocket to the tune £18m, so will therefore have to build flats on the South stand to recoup the cost.
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    "Just bloody look at that pitch, huh?"
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    "The pitch side three piece suite and dining table have proved very popular with a vast majority of fans"
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    "We focused grouped it and 12 chips was seen as the ideal amount, for a League One fixture"
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    "Seeing so many of our young players now doing well in the Championship brings great pride to our club"
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    "The groundshare with Thamesmead Town FC is nothing more than a vicious rumour"
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    "We do think this run of form is just a blip. Peterborough, Shrewsbury, Scunthorpe, Barnsley and Bradford are all on a good run, at the moment. We can't be expected to go places and win games every week. Especially with our current bout of injuries"
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    "If our chief shareholder wants to rename the club Roland's Rovers then I don't see why we should stop him"
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    "The pitch side three piece suite and dining table have proved very popular with a vast majority of fans"

    And when I say the vast majority, I am talking about three out of the four....
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    "It's sad Roland's Rovers will be in League Two next year but we're selling now, see ya! Bye!!"
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Roland Out Forever!