The Opening BitWith Charlton’s run of not conceding a goal beginning to rival a Huddersfield unbeaten run, Dirty Leeds are the latest team to roll into The Lo-Score Valley and attempt to fondle our soft and delicate onion bags.
After a difficult start to the season, Christ Powell’s Mighty Men of Red have recently found the Susan Boyle approach to being impenetrable, and along the way accumulated points to gently lift them away from the relegation zone. Just two goals have been scored in the last four games, but both have been for the Addicks and helped yield an impressive eight points. Another win for the Addicks on Saturday will see them casually flirting with the mid-table crew, with a game still firmly clenched in their hand.
The bit about the other lotDirty Leeds are expected to arrive on Saturday with their usual blend of 70s haircuts, unkept facial hair and sharpened studs. The Yoooorkshire outfit have made recent advancements to ‘get with the times’, and now spend 60% of their training based on mixed martial arts UFC fighting, as opposed to the historic World of Sport style Pro-Wrestling.
With so many players banned, returning from bans or about to get banned, most opposing teams don’t even bother scouting them in the run up to their games. I’m reliably informed that instead, the chief Charlton Scout submitted to Christ Powell a digitally enhanced DVD of
Enter the Dragon. Plus an Eccles Cake, which I thought was a nice touch but geographically a bit of a balls up (scouts hey, thick as sh…).
Brian McDermott is their latest manager. Brian has had an interesting life with absolutely no football background. Best known for playing the drums and wearing a babygro on Shooting Stars, Brian is a travelling salesman by trade, but felt his career had stalled and he was spending most of his time in recent years simply reading. Earlier this year, he made the brave decision that if he was ever to earn some decent money, he needed to make more leads.
The made up bit that takes the pissThousand upon thousand of Dirty Leeds fans will descend upon The Valley this Saturday. It has been statistically proven that Yoooorkshire possesses the greatest travelling support throughout the land since the days of the Grand ol Duke of York.
A recent
Football Supporters Federation survey of Yooooorkshire-based football fans garnered the following breakdown on why their travelling numbers are so great:
- 40% said it was to get out of Yooooorkshire,
- 25% said it was to allow time for the bruises to heal up on t’wife,
- 10% said it was to sample electricity,
- 20% said it was to get bladdered and to scream and spit ‘Yoooooorkshire’ in as many Southern faces as possible
- 5% went for the football.
The bit about the one player we’ve heard ofAs a former player in the glory Pardew era,
Luke Varney is well known to Charlton fans. Having spent the first 25 years of his life living in a barn and surviving off the land, the bright lights, motor cars and people of the big city was all too much for our Lukie, and the move never really worked out. £2.5m Big Nose Pardew shelled out for his services, which equates to roughly £1 for every time he ran the ball out of play.
Luke comes from the Gary Nelson school of ‘running a lot and clapping the crowd when substituted’, and though popular should not disguise the fact he is not very good. With wayward shots and a ridiculous middle name in Ivan, many have questioned whether Luke and Emile Heskey are related.
(a Varney shot gently heading away from the keeper, and the goal, towards the corner flag)The bit about the gameCharlton are expected to remain unchanged from their recent formation of one up front and nine in defence as they seek to preserve their clean-sheet record. The longer the game progresses at 0-0, the more likely Christ Powell is to sacrifice a striker for an extra defender. Leeds are expected to dramatically soften their aggressive approach as they have planned an over-nighter in London, have tickets to see We Will Rock You, and desperately want to avoid any additional time being added on.
The bit at the end where we guess the scoreDirty Leeds have lost their last four on the cobbled roads out of Leeds, but all good things must come to an end. 2-1 to the Dirty Leeds with Luke Varney reeling away after scoring his second to reveal a tee-shirt with the slogan “F*** You Charlton Life’.
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How do you see Saturday going ?
Same team or mix it up ?
Comments
Kermorgant for Pritchard the one change
2-0 to us. Church and Stephens
marching on together we're gonna see you win
we are the champions , champions of europe
Preview reads like it was made up on the train into work, no prep, no reseach and just the sort of sloppy fact free stuff John Lawson complained about.
Still very funny though : - )
we're not scoring or conceding many.
3-3.
Outcome simple. If we keep another clean sheet, we will win 1-0.
If they score we're ****ed.
And if Luke Varney scores, you're probably dead.
Or were you dictating to Mrs AFKA ?
"The Yoooorkshire outfit have made recent advancements to ‘get with the times’, and now spend 60% of their training based on mixed martial arts UFC fighting, as opposed to the historic World of Sport style Pro-Wrestling." Genius!
0-0
Can't see us scoring at home again this season.
Should be a good atmosphere though and the burgers have been excellent this season.
#CAFCMOMENTS: Who remembers what happened when Leeds visited The Valley last season? -->
2-1 Addicks BTW
Warnock has an ankle problem while Byram has done little training during the past two weeks.
McDermott told the club's official website: "Stephen will be struggling to be available for Saturday and Sam hasn't really done much over the last 10 to 12 days.
"Stephen has had an injection, the next game isn't for a couple of weeks so hopefully he will be fit for that.
"Sam did train on Thursday but he hasn't done anything for the past week or so, so he would be a risk."
Charlton 2-1
As to the game, recent history would suggest it won't be a goal fest. We keep another clean sheet, nicking a goal in the first 3 minutes then holding on for dear life for the remaining 87.