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Stupid Things People Say

My missus was on absolute form yesterday. Here are a few things she came out with;

The Falklands are in France

Canada is part of the USA

There are two continents ‘Europe & Asia’

And my personal favourite that the Holocaust ‘happened over here’
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Comments

  • Shows how you much you know about a woman if you think her fingers get wet whilst reading a bit of soft porn.
  • When searching for a lost object "bet I find it in the last place I look"

    Well of course cos when you find it you stop looking
  • edited July 2012
    " Not to worry, cats have nine lives "
  • Weird conversation with my girlfriend a couple of months ago

    OH:"Can you play ice hockey on grass?"
    ME:"No, they play normal hockey on grass"
    OH:"What about in Sweden, is it called Ice Hockey if they play normal hockey but the pitch is frozen?"
    ME:"No, that's just hockey, but on a frozen pitch, Ice Hockey is on a rink of ice"
    OH:"Oh, so you can only practice in winter then, that's rubbish"

    Another classic

    OH:"You know the Tour of France thingy"
    ME:"What, the cycling?"
    OH:"Yeah, that one. What happens at night?"
    ME:"What do you mean?"
    OH:"Well, does anyone go to bed? Cos then you would lose!"
    ME:"Why?"
    OH:"Well, everyone else would just carry on cycling and you would get left behind. So you'd just have to keep on riding and drinking lots of coffee or something"
    ME:"No, they have stages. They race over a set distance and then they go and rest and race somewhere else the next day"
    OH:"So, you can lose, but it doesn't matter as you just race again? Why does anyone bother then? Why don't they just all skip to the final race?"
    ME:"They add up all the times from every race and the person with the lowest overall time wins the overall event, but there's also prizes for best sprint rider, best rider on the mountains etc."
    OH:"That's too confusing, they should just have one massive stage and you should be able to sleep and ride it all and see who gets to the end first"
  • An ex girlfriend of mine asked me who won in the end when we were watching Saving Private Ryan

    And also said "what does a football captain do? Does he ring all the other players and ask if they want to play?"

    Palm to head!
  • Why don't you have left angles?

    How many skittles in ten pin bowling?
  • Forgot about the one a girl i was seeing for a bit come up with;

    “My Nan has got a friend in Germany who bets on German football scores with Ladbrokes but cos she is an hour in front she already knows the scores, so wins”

    I knew from that point she was a compulsive liar!
  • During the Euro's were funny.

    "Doesnt Fabregas play for Arsenal?"

    "No babe, he plays for Barcelona, they bought him from Arsenal"

    "Well why is he playing for Spain then?"

    "..........."


    One time, we were in Woburn Safari park, in the australian walkabout thing. Walking past the wallabee's in there, she comes out with "I wonder what its like to only have two legs?"

    Also a couple of weeks ago she asked me if its possible to 'grow shorter'


    Bless her
  • My brothers bird thinks Barack Abramovic is the president of the USA
  • 'At the end of the day.........

    Yeah, its evening!!


    'To be honest..........


    Yeah you must be lying then!
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  • When Beckham moved to LA Galaxy I remember the being asked whether he would play for USA instead of England now.

    Turns out I was wrong, he plays for neither!
  • I've said it before on another thread, but a girl I knew once asked, 'What was Hitler's surname?'
  • I'm thinking of going to Jamaica for a holiday .. I've never been to Africa before
  • the denial posse will see this as another confirmation that everything is rosie and the famous fourskins could not have got it more wrong from their useless sources
  • I'm sure I've said these before... but my ex came out with "turn the BBQ round!" once when getting smoke blown on her, and "how do they survive at these altitudes" when desceribing a fly in an aeroplane.
  • After watching the first Lord Of The Rings film my wife asked me 'how did they manage to find so many small actors'?
  • My brother thought when you saw an Arab he was 'a rab' instead of Arab..

  • Why do football teams need managers, they just run around and kick a ball.


  • Has at a guess instead of hazard a guess.
  • edited July 2012
    Martin Keown and Mark Lawrenson last year speaking on Football Focus about England's 1-0 friendly win over Spain:

    MK: Spain were a weakened side, for a start they didn't have Lionel Messi
    ML: That's because Messi is Argentinian Martin....

    And the BBC pay this guy for his 'expert opinion' !!
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  • When players on the opposite teams shake hands after the game my mum comes out with
    'aw I like it when they're friends'
  • "I could care less" when they really mean "I couldnt care less"
  • I've said it before on another thread, but a girl I knew once asked, 'What was Hitler's surname?'
    brilliant !
  • My missus was on absolute form yesterday. Here are a few things she came out with;

    The Falklands are in France

    Canada is part of the USA

    There are two continents ‘Europe & Asia’

    And my personal favourite that the Holocaust ‘happened over here’
    At least you must have some interesting conversations,
    Mine consist of `Your dinners on the table'
    `Be quiet'
    `Why don't you go on the computer, i'm watching the cookery'
  • I remember playing Trivial Persuit with the family at xmas one year, and I had my (now) ex-wife on my side. Asked to name a famous jockey, she replied.........

    Jockey Wilson.

  • `I'm going to buy a season ticket at Millwall'
  • I guess most of you didn't marry her for her brain then...
  • Phil Brown
    ''Why would Pirlo come to England? He might want to stay in Italy. He might be homophobic''

    Wimbledon
    BBC2 interviewer on centre court ''So how on earth do you get the grass to be exactly 8mm high''
    Groundsman ''We set the cutters to 8mm''
  • Bloke I used to work with -

    Colleague: Have you read Jane Eyre?
    Bloke: Why? Has she got a new book out?

    Also, whilst playing Articulate he was tasked with describing 'Acoustic' - his opening effort was 'it's brown, made of wood and you hit people with it'.
  • My Mum - "Where does the Mexican wave come from?"
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Roland Out!