[quote][cite]Posted By: soapy_jones[/cite]12 .The town of Oldham is part of an inter-gallactic alliance between the Ghothad Emperium and the Xhutan Hoard from the Zulan Expanse Nebula. Indiscriminate aggression resulting in widespread sporadic atrocities on both sides had previously broken out between the two main factions over many millennia. In a meeting at Oldham Town Hall in 1934, Ombudsman Brentley Outhwaite (CBE) passed a civic amendment to the town charter that directly resulted in good people of Oldham brokering a peace treaty that has lasted well into the present day, well, in this timeline certainly! High Prince Dhetran of the Xhutan is currently treasurer of the local football team currently top of the 1st Division of the English League. There have also been a persistent rumour that the recent refurbishment of toilet facilities behind the West Stand was sponsored by the Emperium and that Paul Dickov is in fact a former star pilot in the Ghothad master corps.
Apart from the above there appears nothing else of note to report about this grim northern town.[/quote]
Soapy, if you can keep this going over the season then you've got yourself a book, or at least a short story. (Waits expectantly for the next episode).
Oldham holds the record for being largest producer of bellybutton fluff, at a whopping 12 tonnes per household per annum. This is widely due to the fact that women from Oldham have bellybuttons the size of 50 pence pieces
27. The Australian band , Men at Work , are currently in the middle of a record 45 night run at Oldham's Bridge street Working Mens Club. They are on coarse to beat the record held by Oldham's very own , Accidental Goat Sodomy , who did 44 nights back in 1977.
The town is reputed to have gained its name because in the the 19th Century a young lady called Helen Hepplethwaite apparently had such large mammaries that two people had to walk one on each side of her in order to 'old em' as she walked home from her shifts as a weaver at t'mill.
'Old em' later became Oldham as a baptist mayor in the early 1900s, Ernest Grimethorpe, was ashamed of the origins of the town's name and suggested changing it. The change in spelling was considered an acceptable compromise.
There is now a large bust commemorating Helen Hepplethwaite in the town centre.
28. Oldham is twinned with the east London borough of Newham. Oldham Athletic trumpeted a partnership deal with West Ham to mark this, but it only resulted in a few youths being made to run around a sports field in Chadwell Heath, and a never-seen claret and blue third kit, which occasionally pops up on eBay.
T'was a rainy night in Manchester,
There was only one cab on the rank,
The driver was reading the News of the World,
And quietly enjoying a wank...
He was dreaming that Venus,
Was kissing his penis,
And the shaking was making him tired,
When a waitress named Lena,
With tits like Sabrina,
Walked to him and enquired...
She asked 'How much will you charge me to Oldham..?
The driver he nearly dropped dead,
He got such a shock,
He let go of his cock,
And he barclayed his gear knob instead...
He said 'Thats all right,
I'm not doing much tonight,
And you're a nice sort of girl, I can tell,
He said 'I won't charge you anything to Oldham,
If you let me hold yours as well...
Written in 1747 by William Shakespeares brother, Brian, and dedicated to the people of Oldham...
Comments
Apart from the above there appears nothing else of note to report about this grim northern town.[/quote]
Soapy, if you can keep this going over the season then you've got yourself a book, or at least a short story. (Waits expectantly for the next episode).
'Old em' later became Oldham as a baptist mayor in the early 1900s, Ernest Grimethorpe, was ashamed of the origins of the town's name and suggested changing it. The change in spelling was considered an acceptable compromise.
There is now a large bust commemorating Helen Hepplethwaite in the town centre.
(The local Lee's bitter is bloody lovely, mind.)
There was only one cab on the rank,
The driver was reading the News of the World,
And quietly enjoying a wank...
He was dreaming that Venus,
Was kissing his penis,
And the shaking was making him tired,
When a waitress named Lena,
With tits like Sabrina,
Walked to him and enquired...
She asked 'How much will you charge me to Oldham..?
The driver he nearly dropped dead,
He got such a shock,
He let go of his cock,
And he barclayed his gear knob instead...
He said 'Thats all right,
I'm not doing much tonight,
And you're a nice sort of girl, I can tell,
He said 'I won't charge you anything to Oldham,
If you let me hold yours as well...
Written in 1747 by William Shakespeares brother, Brian, and dedicated to the people of Oldham...