VERY INTERESTING FACTS ! ! Dead Penguins - I never knew this! Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ? Where do they go? Wonder no more ! ! ! It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life. If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried. The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
"Freeze a jolly good fellow." "Freeze a jolly good fellow."
Angela Merkel has advised Germans to stock up on cheese and sausages as COVID infections rise exponentially across the country - the government is putting the Wurst Kaese scenario into action
There were concerns today for Prime Minister Boris Johnson's health and well being in Bracknell. At a photo opportunity for the nation's press Mr Johnson surprised onlooker by competently mounting a sleek white horse. Attendees were further surprised when Boris displayed admirable horsemanship and was coping well as his steed broke into a brisk canter. Surprise turned to shock and alarm when the prime minister lost his grip on the reins, appeared to lose his balance and in the blink of an eye was bouncing off the path with a foot snared in a stirrup, the horse still at full speed. A cool head in the crowd saved the day and Mr Johnson from serious injury when he stepped forward and unplugged the mechanical children's novelty from the mains, bringing it to rest.
Commotion recently at The Pearly Gates A short obese Argentinian is negotiating at the gates with St Peter, when there is a loud shout from within "Is that Maradonna and is he trying to get into Heaven?" At which point God strides forward, shoves St Peter out of the way and looks the short fat bloke up and down. "It is you isn't it?" Maradonna nods and God kicks him hard in the shins "You've got no chance sonny and that's for blaming Me for that goal!"
A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week, so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.
There was one problem. The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.
Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table," or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"
The magician was furious, but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot.
Then one day the ship sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot was on it too.
They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another and then another.
Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back and said,
An Amish lady was stopped by the police for having a broken reflector on her carriage. "OK" she said, " I'll get my husband to look at that when I get home"
"Also", the cop said, "you've got one of the reins tied rounded the horses testicles, and in my book that's animal cruelty"
"OK" she said " I will get him to look at that too".
When she gets home she tells her husband about the reflector.
"Anything else?" he asked.
"Yes" she said, "he said something about the emergency brakes"
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Chris Farnell
At a photo opportunity for the nation's press Mr Johnson surprised onlooker by competently mounting a sleek white horse.
Attendees were further surprised when Boris displayed admirable horsemanship and was coping well as his steed broke into a brisk canter.
Surprise turned to shock and alarm when the prime minister lost his grip on the reins, appeared to lose his balance and in the blink of an eye was bouncing off the path with a foot snared in a stirrup, the horse still at full speed.
A cool head in the crowd saved the day and Mr Johnson from serious injury when he stepped forward and unplugged the mechanical children's novelty from the mains, bringing it to rest.
A short obese Argentinian is negotiating at the gates with St Peter, when there is a loud shout from within "Is that Maradonna and is he trying to get into Heaven?"
At which point God strides forward, shoves St Peter out of the way and looks the short fat bloke up and down.
"It is you isn't it?" Maradonna nods and God kicks him hard in the shins "You've got no chance sonny and that's for blaming Me for that goal!"
Why did the pirate go into lockdown?
Because the RRRRRRRRRR rate had risen.
Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table," or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"