What has been your best sick note excuse.

DA9

The Red Robin said:

YTS1978 said:

Back when I used to work at IPC on Southwark Street we had a BIG drinking culture. Pub at lunch, pub in the afternoon, pub after work. You get the idea. Went out one night with colleagues and everyone got leathered. Next day one of the more senior lads is a no show. We all just assume he's slept in and the bosses weren't even that bothered tbf. Eventually we get a phone call to say he's been in hospital. The reason? Him and his girlfriend went to a chippie called Fishcoteque under the arches by Waterloo on the way home. He ordered a battered sausage but choked on it and ended up in A&E where they spent several hours trying to clear his airway (allegedly). He was adamant it was the truth on return to work! At the time our department were between PA's, so one of the girls i worked with filled out the sickness report for HR. Reason for absence "attack of the sausage", we were pissing ourselves! No one from HR ever queried it either!!! Happy days...

Used to work there around 2011/2012. Can vouch for the drinking culture. And the Fishcoteque.

Job I had before IPC I went out with a few mates from work. Phoned in sick the next day not realising my boss had seen a load of photos on Facebook of me sh!tfaced. Luckily I got a slap on the wrist and told ‘If you’re gonna do that, don’t let pictures end up on Facebook’ Sound advice. 

Golden rule, make your Facebook private and never, ever have work colleagues as friends on there.

JohnBoyUK

DA9 said:

The Red Robin said:

YTS1978 said:

Back when I used to work at IPC on Southwark Street we had a BIG drinking culture. Pub at lunch, pub in the afternoon, pub after work. You get the idea. Went out one night with colleagues and everyone got leathered. Next day one of the more senior lads is a no show. We all just assume he's slept in and the bosses weren't even that bothered tbf. Eventually we get a phone call to say he's been in hospital. The reason? Him and his girlfriend went to a chippie called Fishcoteque under the arches by Waterloo on the way home. He ordered a battered sausage but choked on it and ended up in A&E where they spent several hours trying to clear his airway (allegedly). He was adamant it was the truth on return to work! At the time our department were between PA's, so one of the girls i worked with filled out the sickness report for HR. Reason for absence "attack of the sausage", we were pissing ourselves! No one from HR ever queried it either!!! Happy days...

Used to work there around 2011/2012. Can vouch for the drinking culture. And the Fishcoteque.

Job I had before IPC I went out with a few mates from work. Phoned in sick the next day not realising my boss had seen a load of photos on Facebook of me sh!tfaced. Luckily I got a slap on the wrist and told ‘If you’re gonna do that, don’t let pictures end up on Facebook’ Sound advice. 

Golden rule, make your Facebook private and never, ever have work colleagues as friends on there.

This ALL DAY LONG.

BrentfordAddick

And don't tell people that you like football or have a team. 

Hal1x

BrentfordAddick said:

And don't tell people that you like football or have a team. 

or drink!

Gisappointed

Not me but my boss. Two kitchen floods, countless car has a flat battery but best was three days for his father's "heart attack" but he went on holiday to Canaries less than a week later.

Total tosser. I gave the dept manager a choice of him or me, he chose him. Luckily company went tits up months later without me.

Lordflashheart

DA9 said:

The Red Robin said:

YTS1978 said:

Back when I used to work at IPC on Southwark Street we had a BIG drinking culture. Pub at lunch, pub in the afternoon, pub after work. You get the idea. Went out one night with colleagues and everyone got leathered. Next day one of the more senior lads is a no show. We all just assume he's slept in and the bosses weren't even that bothered tbf. Eventually we get a phone call to say he's been in hospital. The reason? Him and his girlfriend went to a chippie called Fishcoteque under the arches by Waterloo on the way home. He ordered a battered sausage but choked on it and ended up in A&E where they spent several hours trying to clear his airway (allegedly). He was adamant it was the truth on return to work! At the time our department were between PA's, so one of the girls i worked with filled out the sickness report for HR. Reason for absence "attack of the sausage", we were pissing ourselves! No one from HR ever queried it either!!! Happy days...

Used to work there around 2011/2012. Can vouch for the drinking culture. And the Fishcoteque.

Job I had before IPC I went out with a few mates from work. Phoned in sick the next day not realising my boss had seen a load of photos on Facebook of me sh!tfaced. Luckily I got a slap on the wrist and told ‘If you’re gonna do that, don’t let pictures end up on Facebook’ Sound advice. 

Golden rule, make your Facebook private and never, ever have work colleagues as friends on there.

Or don’t do social media (which I don’t) !!!

AFKABartram

Cloudworm said:

Some advice please... I'm after an excuse to take 2 weeks off work. Something I can foresee about 8 weeks beforehand, but something inevitable. This gives me a chance to get paid overtime sorting things out before I'm off.

I'm thinking of a medical procedure that is likely to have an 8-10 week waiting list, not too serious, or embarrassing, but bad enough to lay me up for the fortnight. I'm a bloke in my 50s, so hysterectomy isn't going to cut it.

Thanks in advance.

Liking this, but why not cover yourself by actually having a completely unnecessary medical procedure? 

The snip? Teeth implants? Hair weave? Butt implant? 

Something that needs resting time and can be accepted as having a bit of delayed soreness requiring extra days. 

aliwibble

Fanny Fanackapan said:

When I worked for the DWP, a colleague was regularly off sick , with various reasons as to why.

One warm summer's morning, she called in to say she was in no fit state to leave her house that morning as a snake had entered the house via the back door earlier & she was too frightened to set foot outside....

No, this was NOT "somewhere in Asia" .

But, Dartford. 

Warm summer's morning, or January Fanny?

Fanny Fanackapan

aliwibble said:

Fanny Fanackapan said:

When I worked for the DWP, a colleague was regularly off sick , with various reasons as to why.

One warm summer's morning, she called in to say she was in no fit state to leave her house that morning as a snake had entered the house via the back door earlier & she was too frightened to set foot outside....

No, this was NOT "somewhere in Asia" .

But, Dartford. 

Warm summer's morning, or January Fanny?

OMG !!!! M. Poirot , I presume ? 

Mind you, a lot of marbles have been lost since then ! 

CharltonKerry

.

aliwibble

Fanny Fanackapan said:

aliwibble said:

Fanny Fanackapan said:

When I worked for the DWP, a colleague was regularly off sick , with various reasons as to why.

One warm summer's morning, she called in to say she was in no fit state to leave her house that morning as a snake had entered the house via the back door earlier & she was too frightened to set foot outside....

No, this was NOT "somewhere in Asia" .

But, Dartford. 

Warm summer's morning, or January Fanny?

OMG !!!! M. Poirot , I presume ? 

Mind you, a lot of marbles have been lost since then ! 

Nah, I just hadn't read the thread before, so I saw your story and Leroy Ambrose's one about the leopard twice in quick succession, which meant the discrepancy jumped out at me.

Cloudworm

AFKABartram said:

Cloudworm said:

Some advice please... I'm after an excuse to take 2 weeks off work. Something I can foresee about 8 weeks beforehand, but something inevitable. This gives me a chance to get paid overtime sorting things out before I'm off.

I'm thinking of a medical procedure that is likely to have an 8-10 week waiting list, not too serious, or embarrassing, but bad enough to lay me up for the fortnight. I'm a bloke in my 50s, so hysterectomy isn't going to cut it.

Thanks in advance.

Liking this, but why not cover yourself by actually having a completely unnecessary medical procedure? 

The snip? Teeth implants? Hair weave? Butt implant? 

Something that needs resting time and can be accepted as having a bit of delayed soreness requiring extra days. 

Yeah, it's complicated by the fact that I don't live in the UK. Here, there is no sick pay, only holiday pay. As a result, the sick note isn't required. The time I want off is blocked off as a no holiday period as it is a critical time, annually , for the business (it isn't really). So hair weave etc won't fly. Needs some sort of unavoidable element to it. Getting ducks in a row beforehand with the overtime will also sugar the pill for them, so an 8 week waiting list scenario actually works well.

 I don't want anything too serious because I don't want people to worry about me (too much). Chizz's / Chat GPT's hernia could work but it means remembering to hobble about at work all the time. Varicose veins maybe, but it would be a bit awkward if someone asks to see them!

fadgadget

My Boss phoned me one morning to say she wont be in as her son has Diarrhoea , didnt think much of it until someone mentioned her son was 18   

BoysOwn

"Got to the station and realised I had odd socks on"
Failed my probation.