Funniest thread in ages. Most impressed that the Barnsley fans who've come on so far are taking it in the spirit intended and even adding to it! puts them a class above some of the muppets who've come on here - Villa and Spurs fans immediately spring to mind.
52. To any Tykes on here: Michael Parkinson has mentioned "Skinner Norman" (or whatever his name was) at 10 minute intervals for the last 45 years. Did he really exist? If not, Parky should be sent to the Tower of London for crimes of repetition.
53. I won 15 quid on the first scorer sweep on the train to Barnsley in 1985. Trouble was, it was David Hirst and we lost 2-1. As a result, I donated my winnings to charity, well, the curry house in Belvedere to be exact.
54. Cleopatra was in fact a born and bred Barnsley girl. Her arrival in the land of the Pharaohs was a quirk of her accent during a visit to Londinium. When purchasing a return journey to her beloved home town her travelling partner was having a conversation with her about her gout* problems. "Eee, gipped it is this leg." she replied. The ticket salesman directed her to an Africa-bound transport and the rest is history...
*Her gout was due to her being a rampant alcoholic and she actually foretold her demise when she responded to Marc Antony's offer of a drink:
"Snakebite ta duck, it'll be the death of me one day."
[cite]Posted By: Cardinal Sin[/cite]Funniest thread in ages. Most impressed that the Barnsley fans who've come on so far are taking it in the spirit intended and even adding to it! puts them a class above some of the muppets who've come on here - Villa and Spurs fans immediately spring to mind.
I'd be careful about calling anyone a Muppet on here, even indirectly ;-)
Thanks for the tip to read this, Suze - great stuff!
55. It’s a little know FACT that Barnsley is the site of the “Museum to Northern Stereotypes”. Housed in a Sir Norman Foster designed building in the form of a glass coal scuttle, exhibits include many works of Barnsley born artist, Claude Sorebottom. His most famous work,”10 Pints and a Battered Wife”, continues to draw huge crowds of awed visitors, unable to comprehend that pea fritters could prove such a versatile medium.
On a Friday night in Barnsley the entire population migrates across town in one massive pub crawl starting in the Down under bar. This is a true fact. 500 in there one minute, 4 the next and that was us last April.
Midfielder Bobby Hassel's elderly father has attended the last 724 training sessions, a record that has not been matched by a single player or member of the coaching team.
Due to a reduction in the budget, Mummy Hassel now provides the players lunch, chicken salad for the defenders, ham and cheese sandwiches for the midfielders and attackers, and chunky vegetable soup for the coaching team. Except for Bobby that is, who has his favourite banana and crisp sandwiches every day.
26.5 The Barnes- ley tribe were the last to be discovered in Britain, by an American adventurer flying to Leeds in 1936. From his flying boat he was stunned by the rows of dwellings which looked to him just like farm terraces. The first outsiders to actually set foot in the valley were missionaries who found the locals using coal as currency. Along with the headgear we now all know and love, the only other form of clothing was the ubiquitous penis sheaths, carved and elaborately painted gourds from the local gum tree which some believe are still worn today, though various public order acts have driven this custom underground. anthropologists find the Barnsley area a fascination as the occupants of this remote valley are the only humans who cannot see colour. Everthing is black or white to them, despite their claims to possess red, which as we know was first copyrighted in South East London.
60. It is little known that Barnsley based Yorkshire Airways is the UK’s leading low cost airline.
Operating out of Barnsley International Airport, flights leave the town every two weeks, servicing destinations as far away as the East Midlands. Their modern fleet of coal fired, turboprop aircraft both offer the latest in low cost luxury with an option to upgrade to Alan Bennett Class which offers reclining seats and an in-flight tattooist.
Rumours persist within the industry that Yorkshire Airways may become the Norths first airline to offer return tickets.
61. Barnsley is famous for being the only UK town still to operate on bartering, while the players of Barnsley FC are the only professional footballers to be 'paid' in non-monetary terms.
Striker Ian Hume was widely rumoured to have netted 16 chickens, 4 goats and 2 cows as part of his signing on 'fee'.
62. Barnsley are still technically at war with France and have been since the Battle of Waterloo. The local burghers misunderstood the peace treaty and refused to sign.
Consequently Charlton's French players are liable to be arrested and shot at dawn without trial.
Re Number 1 (can you quote from a previous page?) - what a coincidence that Rita Faircloughs great grandfather had the same surname as her husband!!
Still - your sister is your..
64. It's a little known fact that t'first heretics tried by t'Spanish Inqusition 'appened to cum from Barnsley when one of t' mill owners was heard to utter t'immortal phrase..
"Ah was only told to say 'there's trouble at t'Mill' Ah didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition!.......whoosh!!!
65. The girth of Neil Redferns arse was not, as is commonly believed, due to him being over weight, but actually because he had specially made shorts so that he could keep his two beloved ferrets "Whoate" and Allthepies" with him at all times as good luck charms.
66. Barnsley has been proved to have been the true home of Robin Hood, the mediaeval thief who attacked innocent law enforcement officers and made the life of locals hell.
However he is much loved in Barnsley for some reason and so chants of "Robin Hood was a mugger" are bound to cause offence if used on Saturday
67. Former Barnsley keeper and all round rags to riches and back legend Lars Leese reported an incident in a wine bar in Barnsley. A girl asked to borrow his camera. He agreed and after a while she duly returned said camera. He was later surprised to find a number of pictures of her clunge when he developed the film.
70. Students from nearby Bretton Hall College made a sculpture from broomsticks, dustbin lids and an odd assortment of bricks and won an aka 'Picasso' prize from the Lord Major of Barnsley, none other than Neil Redfern.
71. A chimney climbing, soot defying Jack Russell was once proclaimed the most valuable dog in Barnsley. Owner Jack Milner said, "he's daft as brush, n'all."
72. Barnsley was once a town a southern Spain, but was moved, brick by brick, to South Yorkshire in 1957 in a mass civil uprising sparked by the town council ordering a prominent member the town's residents association to take down his recently erected picket fence due to a planning technicality.
The fence now forms the centre piece of Barnsley's annual 'Barnsley in Bloomers' celebrations in which residents of Barnsley spend the 3rd Saturday in May eating tapas and drinking sangria, tipping a wink to their spanish heritage, whilst wearing large, frilly underpants.
73. Oakwell is so named because in the 19th Century rowdy drunken mill workers and miners were taken to the spot by the "peelers" to sober up and cool off. It is thought that the original spot was known as "Oh quell" ie quieten down but the spelling later changed in translation.
74.The best hotel in Barnsley is the 2 star Queens Hotel: B&B one guinea (21/-) (105p),market days are Wed. and Sat. and early closing is Thursday. You can have your Hillman or Humber car fixed by J.Snell Ltd and your Austin or Morris mended by Leonard V. Grimes of Worsborough (tel.3876). Licensing hours are 11.30 to 3.00p.m and 6 to 10.30 (Sundays 12-2.00 and 7-10.00). At the Queens alcohol may be taken with meals. These interesting facts are true and are as published in the AA Members Handbook (1956 edition). You would be 14 miles from Pontefract and 172 from London.There is also an efficient Corporation owned omnibus and trolleybus service in the town and its surrounds.
75. In the Metropolitan Borough of Barnsley is the small market town of Penistone - so named after the discovery in 1897 there of a giant granite phallus.
[cite]Posted By: McLovin[/cite]69. Barnsley became the first club to appoint an official poet.
Lars Leese
Tall as trees
Was one he came up with. Stange, it never caught on.
More so as the word "Leese" is pronounced "Laser".
If you haven't read it - Lars Leese had a book published about the two seasons he spent at Barnsley - "Keeper of Dreams". Well worth a read if you have the time.
77. Despite numerous requests from inhabitants Barnsley is the last village in the UK not have it's own Starbucks. In a recent interview local protestor, Alf Flange, argued, "It's not t'fair, we want t'chance t'drink that frothy stuff that we've seen on t'tele too".
In reply a Starbucks spokesperson replied there was, "No fecking chance", of the company investing in Barnsley.
78. (really an update of 74). The Queens Hotel has increased its B&B price to 24/6 (123p) but now has H&C in some rooms. Grimes's Garage now repairs Wolsely cars as well. T.Garner & Sons sell and repair Triumph, BSA, Norton and Velocette m/cycles.The Rotary Club meets on Tuesdays at The Three Cranes. Finally London is now 181 miles from London i.e 9 miles further away. (all verified by the RAC Guide & Handbook 1961).
79. Barnsley is twinned with the small German town of Schwabisch Gmund. Barnsley's town twinning link was established by accident in 1954 when a councillor from Schwabisch Gmund, Herr Guido Bruhi, was leading a group of young Germans on a proposed visit to South Wales. Unfortunately, an outbreak of foot and mouth disease threw their plans into disarray and they ended in Barnsley instead. And that's a fact.
Comments
53. I won 15 quid on the first scorer sweep on the train to Barnsley in 1985. Trouble was, it was David Hirst and we lost 2-1. As a result, I donated my winnings to charity, well, the curry house in Belvedere to be exact.
*Her gout was due to her being a rampant alcoholic and she actually foretold her demise when she responded to Marc Antony's offer of a drink:
"Snakebite ta duck, it'll be the death of me one day."
I'd be careful about calling anyone a Muppet on here, even indirectly ;-)
Thanks for the tip to read this, Suze - great stuff!
Due to a reduction in the budget, Mummy Hassel now provides the players lunch, chicken salad for the defenders, ham and cheese sandwiches for the midfielders and attackers, and chunky vegetable soup for the coaching team. Except for Bobby that is, who has his favourite banana and crisp sandwiches every day.
anthropologists find the Barnsley area a fascination as the occupants of this remote valley are the only humans who cannot see colour. Everthing is black or white to them, despite their claims to possess red, which as we know was first copyrighted in South East London.
Operating out of Barnsley International Airport, flights leave the town every two weeks, servicing destinations as far away as the East Midlands. Their modern fleet of coal fired, turboprop aircraft both offer the latest in low cost luxury with an option to upgrade to Alan Bennett Class which offers reclining seats and an in-flight tattooist.
Rumours persist within the industry that Yorkshire Airways may become the Norths first airline to offer return tickets.
Eey Oop and away…
Striker Ian Hume was widely rumoured to have netted 16 chickens, 4 goats and 2 cows as part of his signing on 'fee'.
Consequently Charlton's French players are liable to be arrested and shot at dawn without trial.
Still - your sister is your..
"Ah was only told to say 'there's trouble at t'Mill' Ah didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition!.......whoosh!!!
However he is much loved in Barnsley for some reason and so chants of "Robin Hood was a mugger" are bound to cause offence if used on Saturday
Lars Leese
Tall as trees
Was one he came up with. Stange, it never caught on.
71. A chimney climbing, soot defying Jack Russell was once proclaimed the most valuable dog in Barnsley. Owner Jack Milner said, "he's daft as brush, n'all."
The fence now forms the centre piece of Barnsley's annual 'Barnsley in Bloomers' celebrations in which residents of Barnsley spend the 3rd Saturday in May eating tapas and drinking sangria, tipping a wink to their spanish heritage, whilst wearing large, frilly underpants.
More so as the word "Leese" is pronounced "Laser".
If you haven't read it - Lars Leese had a book published about the two seasons he spent at Barnsley - "Keeper of Dreams". Well worth a read if you have the time.
In reply a Starbucks spokesperson replied there was, "No fecking chance", of the company investing in Barnsley.