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Jokes..

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    soapboxsamsoapboxsam
    lordromford said:

    Jesus Christ Soapbox.
    Have you made some of these jokes up yourself?

    #sticktothedayjob

    YES Guilty on two charges your lordship.

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    soapboxsamsoapboxsam
    My old school was built on a hill, we lost to all the posh schools at sport.
    It just wasn't a level playing field.

    Yes guilty on three charges your lordship.
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    lordromfordlordromford
    Oh dear.
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    soapboxsamsoapboxsam
    Two yo-yos had a casual relationship,
    No strings attached.
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    lordromfordlordromford
    ;-)
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    happyvalleyhappyvalley
    soapboxsam said:

    Two yo-yos had a casual relationship,
    No strings attached.

    Have you pulled your xmas crackers early this year
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    soapboxsamsoapboxsam
    Life ain't fair. Tim Vine makes a good living from one liners.

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    Addickted2TheRedsAddickted2TheReds
    It's all fun and games singing in the shower ...

    ... until you get shampoo in your mouth and it becomes a soap opera.


    Sorry ...
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    soapboxsamsoapboxsam
    It's very difficult for the modern working mother, my friend, who's a circus performer
    is wondering how she can juggle a baby and 4 oranges.
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    tangoflashtangoflash
    edited December 2014
    I used to have a snail and I used to race it, but it was useless. I thought it was too heavy so I took its shell off but it was still a bit sluggish................
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    SillybillySillybilly
    A guy gives his girlfriend a piggy back to a fancy dress party. The host asks what they've come as. He says "I'm a snail and this is Michelle".
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    thai malaysia addickthai malaysia addick
    Sillybilly said:

    A guy gives his girlfriend a piggy back to a fancy dress party. The host asks what they've come as. He says "I'm a snail and this is Michelle".

    The old ones are the.....
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    MrOneLungMrOneLung
    an old one, but continuing the theme:

    what did the slug say to the snail?

    'Big Issue'
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    Charlton_StuCharlton_Stu
    Doctor, "What seems to be the problem?"

    Patient, "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,"

    The Doctor nods, "Hmm."

    Patient, "My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell them, do you?"
    "Hmm," says the Doctor,

    He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.

    The patient is thrilled "Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?"

    "No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test."
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    soapboxsamsoapboxsam
    What i don't like about office Christmas Parties is looking for a new job the next day.
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    happyvalleyhappyvalley
    Sillybilly said:

    A guy gives his girlfriend a piggy back to a fancy dress party. The host asks what they've come as. He says "I'm a snail and this is Michelle".

    I think you have the wrong thread, this one is for jokes.
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    North Lower NeilNorth Lower Neil
    soapboxsam said:

    What i don't like about office Christmas Parties is looking for a new job the next day.

    Were they fed up of your jokes?
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    GranpaGranpa
    I have just separated 12 eggs, I thought you were asking for some yokes. Yes I did make it up in desperation, and I know it's crap, but I'm old, and your jokes are giving me a nasty turn.
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    thai malaysia addickthai malaysia addick
    edited December 2014
    Granpa said:

    I have just separated 12 eggs, I thought you were asking for some yokes. Yes I did make it up in desperation, and I know it's crap, but I'm old, and your jokes are giving me a nasty turn.

    [Frantically searches buttons.....flag, quote, like, lol.....hmm, no dislike button]
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    FiiishFiiish
    This thread.
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    tangoflashtangoflash
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ud2vwi-Hsk8
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    soapboxsamsoapboxsam
    My friend's on death row in the states. I always tell him what's happening at home.
    I do try to keep him in the loop.
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    DaveMehmetDaveMehmet
    Granpa said:

    I have just separated 12 eggs, I thought you were asking for some yokes. Yes I did make it up in desperation, and I know it's crap, but I'm old, and your jokes are giving me a nasty turn.

    You didn't make that up, you poached it from someone else.
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    BigbadbozmanBigbadbozman
    Johnny Manziels debut against the Bengals
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    soapboxsamsoapboxsam
    I was unlucky when taking my exams. This mad man burst into the hall with an imitation gun and shot at my head. My mind went blank.
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    A-R-T-H-U-RA-R-T-H-U-R
    DaveMehmet said:

    Granpa said:

    I have just separated 12 eggs, I thought you were asking for some yokes. Yes I did make it up in desperation, and I know it's crap, but I'm old, and your jokes are giving me a nasty turn.

    You didn't make that up, you poached it from someone else.
    And scrambled the punch line.
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    soapboxsamsoapboxsam
    My local tug of war team were always going out on the pull, until their wives found out.
    As the girls said, if you give someone enough rope.
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